A Study in Merlot

Boxed Wine Tasting in Long Island City

2009-03-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we'll be hosting a blind boxed wine tasting in Long Island City at the VFW near the bridges. Dr. Wu has promised to drive, and remain sober for the night, while Dr. Emily is making finger foods out of several days scraps from area restaurants.

We'll be gathering video feedback from attendees, many of whom stay in an area Men's shelter. We'll be reporting our findings hereafter.

Dr. Wu's New Deal

2009-03-11T15:10:00.001-07:00

As it turns, my trusted assistant, Dr. Wu's is something of a leopard who has been baring his spots for the past year, and yet he's also something of a bear to deal with on the subject of shutting down his new and varied business interests, which range from spam email operations offering penis pills, gambling, vitamins, pornography, and oddly enough an online kidney exchange. So successful is Dr. Wu's operation that he's made us an offer to buy out our Boxed Wine Consulting Service, boat slip and all.

He's holding firm in his newly discovered lines of business. Wu's background as a former Wall Street "quant" and computer modeling expert makes him almost too well suited to pluck the low hanging fruits of web based virtual business world. Curiously, another habit of which the Dr. has also re acquired is lubricating his love for Gin, and past 6pm, he's impossible to talk with. Dr. Emily is the only person with whom he cares to speak, and to make matters worse, he periodically asks her: "may I touch your tits". Dr. Emily for her part, is not amused by our Research Coordinator errant, if you will.

I suppose we should count ourselves lucky he has no taste for boxed wines, which means our stockpile of free samples from our clients has remained safe, at least from Dr. Wu. However, our Riverside Park employees are another storied mess. After their shifts, collecting empty wine bottles from NY's finer restaurants, each has grown accustomed to drinking some of the profits, if you will, from our stored Boxed Wine supply, which Dr. Wu had guarded so well, before his foray into his not nefarious businesses.

Apparently, Dr. Wu has also run afoul of most of our remaining staff for his efforts to monopolize the affections of all of the "working girls" who've been enlisted to operate an "in call" service on the boat. The Dr., it turns out becomes quite the lover when under the influence of drink, and many of the girls, and many of their supporting staff have been put off by his propensity to "eat the profits" if you will. Moreover, his love on onions, garlic, ginger and curry makes this a particularly unpleasant experience for the "service providers" who've entertained his proffers. It's a fine mess, a social networking disaster of the first order.

At this rate, I'm afraid it will take a great effort to rekindle our foot hold as New York's premier Box Wine consulting firm.

Returning from Our Argentinian Sabbatical

2009-03-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

Our South American Sabbatical was a halogen time for myself and the small support staff I assembled to root out the market potentials for grapes of our Southern neighbors. Argentinian wines offer gigantic potential profits for our Box wine producing sponsors, and it took very little research to establish baselines and economies of scale for them.

Nevertheless, we did miss much of the excitement of seeing America's first president to have African heritage elected to lead us out of the perceived decline that is fueling a massive boom in the Boxed wine markets around the world. Let's wish him luck, even as we enjoy consumer's shifting priorities and increased appreciation for what grapes and boxes have to offer, if you will.

Dr. Emily and a select few marketing research and community organizers made the trip with the kind support of several of the industry's leading producers of Box wines and spirits who took advantage of our unparalleled success developing new products. Unfortunately, what we left in our wake has turned sour in our absence, including out boat slip at the 79th Street Boat Basin. It appears several of our trusted staff regained the taste for the grape, in spite of their diagnosed alcoholism and sober living for several years.

Perhaps the free samples sent from our sponsors were a temptation too great to dash upon the rip rock along the West side drive; or maybe it was in the course of cleanup after the excessive party schedule established to raise money to pay slip fees. I suppose some combination of economics and character failings are at root. Nevertheless, we've had to make some changes at the boat basin, if you will. And the probationary period will not be ending anytime soon, however hard it will be for research and support staff to separate their habits from their new found, or "rediscovered" ideals.

Our first major change upon return was to re establish the nightly Alcoholic Anonymous meetings on the deck (weather permitting), and making them a prerequisite of any and all staff members who choose to remain in our employ.

Secondly, we've ended the use of the boat slip as a nesting ground for "erotic service providers" associates of the staff, offering "in calls", using Craigslist.

Thirdly, we have banned all fireworks, bon fires, and firearm sales.

Fourth, the boat can not longer be rented out for use as a studio for erotic film makers, or as a place for "investors" in such activities meet and discuss their business opportunities.

Sixth, all futons have been removed and carried to The Riverside Park for disposal, which should help to eliminate the bed bug problem.

Seventh, the hard drive of the desktop was cleaned of all "unrelated business", including but no limited to use as a Spam server for penis enhancement pills, gambling, pornography, and as an Kidney exchange bidding site. Our trusted assistant has reverted to his unique, if corrupt skill set that brought him to our doorstep so many years ago.

Eighth, bear knuckle fighting and amateur boxing matches are banned, no matter what famous persons agree to take part, or whether they are merely the subtext for homosexual bonding events, or to raise money for charitable cases.

And Finally, Sister Ruth is to be placed on a 6 month probation, and not permitted to enter the boat slip.

All this to say, there really is not rest for the weary or the wicked for that matter.

Good day!

Greetings in April

2008-04-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Spring has come like high tide, following low tide at the 79th Street Boat Basin, with empty bottles and cans, floating to shore with the other refuse that any city the scope and scale of New York would render where similarily situated. What city wouldn't yield so rich a variety of afterbirth with each new morning, in the aftermath of what new dramas preformed and songs sung?

And so we return, boats upon the current, bobbing back into our past, and future grants for the study of Boxed Wine consumption patterns, new product development, trials and tribulations, if you will.

Spring, upon us, and wine, like sunlight pours.

A 500,000 GBP Winning Ticket, as We Sail Spring Sets in at the Basin

2007-05-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

The answer to our temporary cash flow problem arrived this morning by mailto:emailfanchio242@cox.net:

Your email address have won you a total sum of £500,000.00 GBP (i.e Five Hundred
Thousand United Kingdom Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file
REF:YAHOO6/315116127/27 This is from a total cash prize
of US$20,400,000.00 shared amongst the seventeen international winners in this
category in the YAHOO FINANCIAL PROMOTIONS. To file for your claims you are to
contact him with the following informations:
Full name,Address,Age,Sex,Occupation and your Country, Name: Mr Paul Willliams
E-mail: agentpaulwilliams1@yahoo.dk
Tel:(+44) 7031915195,(+44) 7031907340
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Your Sincerely,
Mrs. Amelia Hunts
Online Promotions Manager
Uk Administrative Unit
Your email address have won you a total sum of £500,000.00 GBP (i.e Five Hundred
Thousand United Kingdom Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file
REF:YAHOO6/315116127/27 This is from a total cash prize
of US$20,400,000.00 shared amongst the seventeen international winners in this
category in the YAHOO FINANCIAL PROMOTIONS. To file for your claims you are to
contact him with the following informations:
Full name,Address,Age,Sex,Occupation and your Country, Name: Mr Paul Willliams
E-mail: agentpaulwilliams1@yahoo.dk
Tel:(+44) 7031915195,(+44) 7031907340
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Your Sincerely,
Mrs. Amelia Hunts
Online Promotions Manager
Uk Administrative Unit
.AOLWebSuite .AOLPicturesFullSizeLink { height: 1px; width: 1px; overflow: hidden; }

This should keep our continued research at the 79th Street Bait Basin afloat, if you will. Recently, we've seen at massive upswing in premium bottled wines in Manhattan trash pails, which is a little disappointing, given our efforts to bouy boxed wine sales here. However, all is not lost. More and more big retailers are starting to carry boxed wines at reasonable rates.

The staff has done will this past winter, conducting research in major southern cities and parts of Latin America, including the islands. We had boat trouble, and there was an episode with sister Ruth's purchasing of controlled substances in Miami, but apart from that, it was a productive quarter, allowing us to raise record amounts of funding from our backers, boxed wine producers in places with massive upticks in grape crops, thanks to several major break through in biotech with respect to fertilizers... more to follow.

Another Proffer from a Man with Two First Names

2007-01-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we were offered massive, CEO level wealth for making a simple phone call. Our new friend wrote us, as follows:

DEAR FRIEND,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY HOPE OK, PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME TO RECEIVE THIS FUND 30 MILLION GREAT BRITISH POUNDS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IS RISK FREE AND LEGAL.

I WAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY FOR MORE DETAILS.
HERE IS MY CELL PHONE NUMBER +234-8035-80-2472, YOU CAN CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY IF YOU WONT MIND.

THANKS

DR CHARLES V. JAMES.

HEADERS>>>
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(InterMail vM.6.01.05.02 201-2131-123-102-20050715) with ESMTP
id <20070118110558.PSKT20139.mta9.adelphia.net@web19>;
Thu, 18 Jan 2007 06:05:58 -0500
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Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2007 3:05:58 -0800
From: "DR CHARLES V. JAMES"
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Subject: 30 MILLION POUNDS TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME.

Sister Ruth's Winter Solstice and Brotha Mike's Break

2007-01-01T12:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings Kind Readers, and Best wishes for this New Year of two thousand and seven,

Sister Ruth has come to visit us as we set sail this holiday season, with her children from Austen, Riggs on Norman Rockwell's Main Street in Stockbridge, MA. Unfortunately, the man who picked her and the children up hitchhiking on Interstate 84 ran out of gas, which meant several hours wait at a truck stop before she was able to simply call for Dr. Emily to pick her up with the Red Blazer, after Ruth's overcoming her anger, pride, residual resentments, born in childhood and cradled in the heart ever since, as well as the "white lightening", or grain alcohol that Pete (the driver) had brought with him from his trip down from New Hampshire. Apparently, after learning that he had some, Ruth encouraged Pete to pull into a rest stop for a small "break" which included a drinking game the focused on the characters in popular television shows from the 1950's and 60s, as the children walked Spark, the new dog Ruth had been awarded for her progress at Riggs. This all meant additional time for "rest" as Pete sobered up enough to drive, and the children were convinced enough to return his keys to Ruth, who resolved to do the driving. By then, the gas had run out of Pete's Pacer, with the nearest station several miles away.

The next leg of Ruth's adventure seems to involved a semi driver who was good natured enough to hear her out and offer a ride, that is until she was caught "borrowing" a rare Allman Brother's recording from his disk player. The trucker, "a man of principal", as he put it, called the highway authorities, who subjected Ruth to a long interview which turned into more of an interrogation, based on the records that had apparently turned up in their computer search of her name and address. When Ruth refused to speak to the patrol, and when spoken to, would only hum the theme to the 70s television show, The A Team, she was taken to the closest police station, where her ordeal worsened. Once at the station, Ruth apparently found, took, unwrapped and ate 4 cheese burgers, with french fries, and 2 large sodas that she discovered on the desk of one of the patrolmen, where she was seated, while they were discussing her circumstances in a nearby closed office with their superior. This made the patrol, and their captain enraged, since their mealtimes are limited.

All this in turn lead to her being appointed a lawyer, and ultimately to an intervention by one of Ruth's attending counselors at Riggs, who Ruth calls "Wendy Wellesley," perhaps having learned something about her counselor's background. Apparently, Wendy was able to explain and account for some of Ruth's offbeat behavior patters to the satisfaction of the highway patrol, who insisted on being paid for their misappropreated meal.

The acrimony between Ruth and Dr. Emily has lasted several days now as we've set sail, south along the intercoastal, and it appears that the capable staff at Riggs Foundation will have their work cut out for them upon Sister Ruth's returns there with her children to continue her "examined living" as she Mike and Dr. Emily put it. It's as if Ruth blames Dr. Emily in some way for both the chaos in Ruth's life, and perhaps the lack of Chaos in Emily's. Sibling rivalry is perhaps a fixture of every family's holiday, but whenever Ruth makes it back to the 79th Street Boat Basin to celebrate, it's seems never more pronounced.

Brother Mike has also returned for Christmas from a protracted assignment with Dietl & Associates. The psychodramatic festival has hardly been a welcome homecoming for Mike, and the overall level of boxed wine consumption is 14 percent greater than last year according to Dr. Wu's books. Mike has made the most of his time showing the children the finer points of the pick and roll as it is used in several sports, including Lacrosse, which he has chosen to fully equip the children to master upon their return to Riggs with their mother. Mike has been reviewing various prep school options for the children as they approach an age when they must ready themselves for college.

New Years came and left like the tide, as we have made our way, adrift, down the East coast toward America's southern cities. And the flow of wine, did indeed match the tides.

Looking ahead, this week, we'll be attending a packaging industry gathering in New Orleans, hosted by a public interest group that is trying to raise awareness about recycling features of boxed wine, and the benefits of bottled delivery methods. We will present a different voice on the subject, as has been requested by several of our sponsors. Dr. Emily and I have been hard at work gathering, sorting and reviewing data to support the use of boxed pacakaging over bottled wine distribution. Stay tuned.

Seasons Greetings, as we pack and head south

2006-12-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Seasons Greetings to all our friends and kind readers,

Today, we have concluded our contractual agreements here in the New York market, and have spent the week getting ready to head south to pick up our market surveillance and data collection operation in warmer climates. While the Boat Basin has been kind to us from the standpoint of weather, it is indeed time to "break out the hats and hooters", if you will and pack it in for the 2006 season.

Dr. Emily has already left to organize and coordinate some of the things we will need to gather data as we travel down the East coast via Inter-coastal to Miami, and on to various islands and points south, including Panama, of course. I find as I age, time apart from Dr. Emily seems much more dear, like dog years. It's been many years since we first met in Tampa, when she had just begun her advanced studies that concluded several advanced degrees, and I was returning from a protracted sabbatical from my Agronomy fellowship both in Bordeaux and in parts of Chile.

The night before Dr. Emily took leave in the red blazer to The 95 South, we had the chance to review those early days so many years ago, while sampling a hearty gluping wine, an unassuming little white boxed blend from South Africa that my contractual agreements with our benefactor preclude me from commenting up, apart from the fact that we did illicit a kind of mauldlin emotionalism in we both. Many tears were shed, as we discussed things that happened, and things that had never happened, as well as those things that might have been.

And so, drunk, and without acrimony, we agreed to take up the topic again when Dr. Emily comes home.

Out of Africa: another modest $22 Million Dollar 419 proposal

2006-12-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings!

Luck has visited our email box yet again, with an offer of $22 million dollars from a Mr. Robert Sankoh, the lastest figure in what is doubtless one of the most profitable forms of fiction the world over, the 419 Scam (for detail, see, here).

This particular "golden opportunity" has all the elements to capture the imagination and fuel anyone's greedy inner brat, made bold with the help of those blind twin bodyguards, hope and confidence that furnish just enough false sense of security upon which every 419 scam is built. It has all the "usual suspects", if you will.

For example, consider, we have the son of a diamond and gold company chairman, and a rebel leader to bring the required chaos, as well as a "secret" certificate of deposit, all of which creates the opportunity of anyone to grow rich overnight, just by spending a little money up front (typically enough money to purchase a good watch and German car).

Apparently, as the story goes, Mr. Sankoh, with his mother Rose, and his jailed father made it to Abidijan (see photo above); and now he is in a position to collect his father's riches, if he can find someone to help him, the way a card dealer needs others to help him play three card monty in Times Square, experience that more than a few of our staff here at the 79th Street Boat Basin have under their belts, prior to taking up work here as Boxed Wine marketing data collection associates.

No doubt, Mr. Sankoh sits in an air condition internet cafe, copy story or "bang" spinning his web of fiction aimed at gathering just 1% of we lucky thousands he emails to get involved with his common scheme or plan. Unfortunately, we have far too much work here at the boat basin, collecting data about Manhattan wine consumption for our sponsors to walk with Robert through a dream that would doubtless make Dante' Inferno appear more like a Cakewalk than an ordeal.

.
Hellow Dear
It took me a long time to make up my mind to let you know about this business proposal I am to introduce to you. It is because I don't want to throw away golden opportunity I have by involving the wrong person .I do hope that you will not let me down because this is something that will be of mutual benefit to both of us.

My name is MR Robert SANKOH son of the rebel leader FODAY F. SANKOH former chairman of A Sierra Leonine Gold and Diamond Corporation). My father was arrested by the present government of Mr.TEJAN KABBAH for planing to overthrew his government.Though, I do not know to what extend you are familiar with events and disturbances in Sierra Leone.

However, during the disturbances and prior to my father's arrest, he gave me a certificate meant for a secret deposit he made in a Security Company in Abidjan. The deposit is worth $ 22,000,000 (Twenty two million u s dollars) He made this deposit as belonging to my father's foreign partners with the hope of converting it to his family use at the end of the conflict. But later, he was arrested when the fracas intensified as a result of the involvement of the UN Peace Keeping force in Sierra Leone .

On the strength of the above, I fled to Abidjan with my mother where I am presently residing. However I have gone to the Security Company to confirm the deposit and inform them that my father's foreign partner is coming to claim the consignment. Therefore, I solicit for your assistance (hoping that you are honest and trustworthy) in transferring the money out of Africa for business world. You will be compensated adequately for your participation in this transaction. if you are interested, I will highly appreciate to recive your mail Awaiting your immediate response.

Best Regard,
Mr. Robert Sankoh
Rose Sankoh mother

Robert's Headers:
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Good 419 News from the Swiss!

2006-12-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Hope, that thing with feathers, as the Bell of Amherst once put it, has landed, if not shad upon us once again. The following email notice was forward to us with the promise of a good sum for the taking, and I for one, and delighted by the suspension of disbelief it engenders, rather like visions of sugar plumbs dancing in one's head.

Perhaps "a fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place," as Gordon Gekko said in the timeless classic about Wall Street and greed. Humbug, and all power to the imagination I say, here, in my cutoff jeans, and Dr. Scholes, reading Sharon Cole's and Aron Baker's winning prize notice aloud to our friends and agents here at the boat basin, who bring in there empty wine bottles for tabulation, before taking their morning meal, which is Spanish themed this week.

Read for yourself, and celebrate the spirit of receiving this Christmas:

From:
swisslotto@swisslotto.ch

SWISS LOTTO UK.
P O Box 1010
Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM
https://www.swisslotto.ch

CONGRATULATIONS!!!.....YOU HAVE WON Â750,000 Euros

You have have been awarded Â750,000 Euros in the SWISS-LOTTO Satellite software email
lottery in which e-mail addresses are picked Randomly by software powered by the Internet through the worldwide website.
Your email address was amongst those chosen this year for the SWISS LOTTO Satellite lottery. And this promo is proudly sponsored by the SWISS-LOTTO UK organization.
You can log on to our website for more information concerning our entire lottery promo https://www.swisslotto.ch .

Your email address,attached to Ref number 5, 7, 14, 17,18, 43 with Serial number 1979-12 drew the lucky Numbers 10, and consequently won the lottery in the "A" Category.
You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of Â750,000 Euros
Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European Booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon.
In View of this, your Â750,000 Euros will be released to you by our security firm in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact them.

All participants Were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draw System and extracted from over 300,000 companies and individual email addresses.
This promotion takes place annually. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to Claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements.

To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent:
Mr. Aron Baker,
Email: swisslottoclaimsagent06@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44 704 010 1519

Provide him with the information below:
1.Name:
2.Address:
3.Marital Status:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Nationality:
8.Country Of Residence:
9.Telephone Number:
10.Fax Number:
11.Draw Number above:

This information facilitate the due process of the release of winnings avoid unnecessary delays and complications in the processing of your winnings.
Always remember to quote your Reference / serial number in any correspondences with us or our Designated agent.

Congratulations once more from all members and staff of This program and Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

Sincerely,
Sharon Cole
Co-ordinator
SWISS LOTTO UK.
P O Box 1010
Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM
https://www.swisslotto.ch

N:B - PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL CORRESPONDENT WILL BE TEMPORARILY BE VIA EMAIL UNTIL 24 HOURS BEFORE PAY-OUT THEN YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED VIA TELEPHONE

Today, Dr. Emily declared this "Merlot of La Mancha Week", and has begun to dress as Sophia Lauren did in the Oscar nominated film, "The Man of La Mancha", while she serves thick hot chocolate and Churros to our friends and staff. I have taken notice that her breakfast themes take on a sardonic tone as holidays approach. Perhaps it betrays the kind of discomfort adults who have an over-abundance of bad memories and negative associations surrounding the holiday season, like a beat dog to a newspaper.

Nevertheless, we are delighted that she has incorporated the sweat, hot chocolate in this latest "summerstock", if you will. Last year, her Victory over Japan theme amounted to garbage pals full of kamikazeazie punch made with grain alchohol to be served on crushed ice, which did not help our production here at the boat basin. The staff took their offerings in place of food when they brought in there marketing data each morning. The result: three alcohol poisonings by week's end.

A Remarketable New Service for Unboxed Wine Lovers

2006-11-27T12:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier,
A word to the wise should suffice, nevertheless:

When Black Friday comes
I'll stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor
When Black Friday comes
I'll collect everything I'm owed
And before my friends find out
I'll be on the road
When Black Friday falls you know it's got to be
Don't let it fall on me
When Black Friday comes
I'll fly down to Muswellbrook
Gonna strike all the big red words
From my little black book
Gonna do just what I please
Gonna wear no socks and shoes
With nothing to do but feed
All the kangaroos
When Black Friday comes I'll be on that hill
You know I will
When Black Friday comes
I'm gonna dig myself a hole
Gonna lay down in it 'til
I satisfy my soul
Gonna let the world pass by me
The Archbishop's gonna sanctify me
And if he don't come across
I'm gonna let it roll
When Black Friday comes
I'm gonna stake my claim
I'll guess I'll change my name

I hope this communication in the wake of "Black Friday" finds you as well as we here at The Boxed Wine Association of North America and Parts of Chile, along with our band of elfs whom we are glad to call our associates. Last night was eventful, as the holidays brought a new spirit of consumption to Manhattan's restaurants, bistros and lounges, which we can confirm with actual data (numbers and varieties of empty wine bottles gathered by our research staff in the course of their overnight shift). As you may know, our staff is paid per bottle (or lable for those who carry their lable removal tools), which has amounted to a bounty, as records numbers of bottles were recovered from the Thanksgiving holiday period.

Our report will not be finished until next week, but I am sure our sponsers will be delighted by this latest numbers crunch. We are simply jassed to report, that's to Dr. Emily's grant writing skills, we have added two new wine industry supporters for our research. Each has pledged to support our winter sebatical to Florida and points south. We have a committed band of researchers who will be sailing with us this year, and gathering data from the dumpsters of some of Miami's finer restaurants over the winter months, as well as various other watering holes for the rich and famous below the horse lattitudes, if you will.

I was busy last night while waiting for the bounty of empty wine bottles that is our raw data to come in early AM, and to be processed by my invaluable assistant, who Sister Ruth (using that glut of irony with which she approaches every task in her world, has taken to call my "Dr. Wu"). As I surfed the web for football scores, and currency exchange rates, I ran across a new tool for boxed and unboxed wine lovers alike. The website, called Vintrust.com, is a new company with the following laudable, if ambitious goal:

Through the integration of technology, exceptional service and the best wine minds in the industry, we work to bring you an unparalleled resource for managing, cellaring, buying, selling and enjoying your wine.

Of course, we are left wondering how they can deliver on such a promise without consulting us, but that is yet another story. For the best minds in this industry all call upon us for our point of view. Nevertheless, this Vintrust.com site allows wine lovers to create an online inventory and manage their wine collection using some of the leading edge tools available, including bar coding and scanners to help one quickly manipulate the data that is associated with their liquid properties. Frankly, these tools excite us. We often have an oversupply of unboxed wines with which we are paid by our supporters in various barter transactions which aim to keep our research staff well positioned to conduct their nightly work.

Vintrust.com also includes a wine exchange if you will, were buyers and sellers can meet and swap information, bids and offers in their comfort of their own homes. We are delighted to see this kind of thing; and hope to make use of it as several of our supports pay us with premium blends, which we seek to "monitize" from time to time, and thereby trade down to the boxed wines that our employees tend to favor, while pocketing the difference, which typically pays for our staff meals and more. Vintrust.com will certainly a welcome innovation, if it can help us to turn some of these unboxed batered bottles into spendable cash with which we can grow and expand our data gathering and boxed wine business intellegence efforts.

More Good Fortune: Another Outstanding Proffer from Ghana

2006-11-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

Sitting here, in our cutoff jeans, prepairing the boat basin for a long winter, and our journey south to the warmer waters of Florida, Mexico, Costa Rica and points south, to Panama we are happy to report a new proffer from a Mr. "Gaga Smith".

Far be it for us to count our chickens before they hatch, if you will; but here is yet another bit of luck we just had to share with your an our kind readers-- the promise of riches from another's misfortune, which plays wonderfully into our good natured, shameless, bloated, America greed, however flavored with a pinch of irony it might be, like so much seasoned salt on our holiday vittles.

I know that some might see Mr. Gaga Smith's offer as just one more 419 Scam finding its way to our email box; but what if it is not, and what if it is fear alone that holds us back from realizing what those most fickle vixens, the Fates, have in store for us? What if clicking the erase button, or the "report spam" button on this offer is just one more self defeating act we would be taking, as we sit akimbo, watching ourselves tabluate the findings brought to us by people we know, some we pay per bottle and some who labour for love, struggling to make ends meet as they fish empty wine bottles and boxes out of New York's trash pales and dumpsters, all the while aware of those lucky few speeding up the Henry Hudson Highway toward their second homes in their new sports cars for long weekends filled with fine foods, bottled wines, wide screen entertainments and navigating silk undergarments.

Nevertheless, this is not the time of year for chickens, is it?

Please provide you feedback Voignier on this most excellent opportunity.

Barrister Gaga Smith
No 3 link street
Accra Ghana.
Private email: esq_gagasmith@sify.com

I am Barrister Gaga Smith, a solicitor at law and the personal attorney to
Mr. Robert Palmera who works with Petrochi construction Bank in Ghana
and he is known and referred to as my Client. On the 21st of August 2003,my
client, his wife and their children were involved in a car accident along
Sagbama express road. Unfortunately all the entire family lost their lives
in the tragedy.Since then, I have made several enquires to your embassy to
locate any of my clients extended relatives but all my efforts proved
unsuccessful.After these unsuccessful attempts failed, I decided to track
his last name in the Internet to locate any member of his family or his
national hence I contacted you.

Now my contacts to you is to assist me in repatriating the money in his
bank account here before the account will be confiscated or declared
unserviceable by the Union bank where he deposited this money valued (Eight
Million Three Hundred And Twenty Thousand Six Hundred And Forty Three
United States Dollars Only. More importantly, the finance house where the
deceased client deposited these huge sums of money has served me a
write of notice to provide the NEXT OF KIN of my client or the account will
be confiscated.

Since I have tried and failed on sever occasions in locating his relatives I
am now seeking for your consent to present you as the next of kin the
deceased since you have the same last name with him, so that the money in
his account will be paid to you while I will come over to your country for
the sharing. I will take 40% while you will take 40%. And 20% will be
donated to the less privileged and charity organization. I have all the
necessary legal documents that can be use to backup any claim we may want.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal
through.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that
will protect you from any breach of the law. You are required to send the
following information immediately as to enable me process the legal
documents, they are:

1. Your full names.
2. Your contacts address.
3. Your age.
4. Your private phone and fax number (if any)
5. Your occupation.
6. Your nationality.

Awaiting your urgent reply. You should please always write to on my
private email: esq_gagasmith@sify.com

A Few of our Favorite Things...

2006-11-20T12:15:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite Boxed Wine designs came from the storied Sonoma Valley of California. Upon its introduction, the golden box certainly was a milestone for the packaging and sale of fine wines in a box. It's one of the props, or things, if you will, we like to carry with us to parties around Manhattan this time of year, as the holidays fast approach, serving friends, new and old, and all who approach us by the glass. The golden box puts on in mind of the finest Swiss Chocolate, or perhaps a tombstone fit for a king.

In point of fact, Pacific Southwest Container in Modesto, California won an award for printing this most distingushed of boxed wine designs on the market. Further investigation will reveal that:

"Tincknell & Tincknell, Wine Sales and Marketing Consultants, of Healdsburg, California, and Bauermeister Design of Sonoma, California, teamed together to create the packaging for a new, upscale, super-premium, three-liter boxed wine, the Blackburn Fine Wine Cache from Sonoma Hill Winery in Graton, California.

For our part, the golden boxed wine offers us a chance to show off our uncommon taste and eye for the finer things in life, which, after all, is what holidays are all about.

Another Rare Find in Canada Offers Favor for the Prepared Mind

2006-11-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

Greeting V, and fellows well met;

Recently, I recieved an email proffer with from agents of a Canadian company that has uncovered yet another rare opportunity for us to make our fortune. This lastest proffer appears to be even greater than many of the offers we have had from our Nigerian and South African friends who have contacted us with lottery winnings and inheritance proceeds. This latest communication came from the desk of Geoffrey Eiten, America's Leading Small/Micro-Cap Stock Specialist, wirting for The Special Situations Report.

For our part, we are delighted to be given the chance to load up on this his latest stock selection that is part of a pattern of success that is truely outstanding. According to Mr. Eiten, his last "pick" soared, over 1,600 percent.

And according to Mr. Eiten, his current selection is ready to do the same. The company has selected is "Source Petrolium", symbol, SOPO. Source has uncovered massive quanities of oil in central Canada, which apparently could make us rich as stock share holders, if we choose to take Mr. Eiten up on his proffer. Review for youself the words of Mr. Eiten, "American's Leading Smal Cap/Microcap Specialist" as he waxes on SOPO. SOPO apparently operates in THE LARGEST OIL FIELD IN THE WORLD, according to Mr. Eiten. He writes:

"Fortunes are being made in Canadian oil stocks as share prices skyrocket to historic highs.

It's a profit making bonanza turning pocket change into buckets of cash!

The timing is perfect. Oil prices have been taking a breather, but higher prices in 2007 are a certainty.

For a shot at solid profits in the months ahead, you should be loading up on new oil and energy stocks right now.

And for aggressive investing, at least one Canadian oil stock (like SOPO) should be in your portfolio today.

If not, you're simply walking away from money that's waiting to be made.

How can it be any other way?

America will NOT start running on corn squeezins and sunbeams anytime soon.

We need oil...lots of it for decades to come. Where will we get it?

No doubt it will be Canada.

Canada now holds the largest known oil reserves on the planet, even greater than Saudi Arabia's. It has become the number one hunting ground for everything we need.

New oil deposits...

New natural gas deposits and...

New entry level stocks with quadruple-digit growth potential!

Oil, gas and profits!

This is as close as it gets to a sure thing. Yes, I know you can lose money at this too, but look at the chart above.

I published a Special Situations Report on this stock last year. In nine months, it shot up 1,667%!

That's $15,667 pure profit for every thousand put in!

You don't have to put a lot of money at risk for a shot at huge returns. So if you're the kind of investor that wants to buy at the bottom of a chart like the one above, then feast your greedy eyes on this!

Source Petroleum (SOPO) put together one of the most impressive oil and gas portfolios found anywhere in over-the-counter issues. It now has...
"

According to his email offer, here are some of Mr. Eiten's other wildly successful small cap stock picks over the years:

Over the years, my subscribers have been alerted to growth buys like this:

13,538% on Express Scripts (ESRX)
First recommended: 9/92 @ $0.60 – 8/15/06 $81.83 current
4,217% on Natural MicroSystems (NMSS)
First recommended: 4/94 @ $1.56 – with subsequent high 9/7/00 of $84.91
3,089% on Advance PCS (ADVP)
First recommended: 12/96 @ $1.19 – sell recommended 9/15/03 $36.76
1,336% on Techne Corporation (TECH)
First recommended: 6/93 @ $3.43 – 8/15/06 $49.25
1,085% on Surmodics (SRDX)
First recommended: 5/98 @ $4.88 – with subsequent high 6/28/01 of $66.90

If these kind of massive gains are any indication of the quality of Mr. Eiten's work, then he is perhaps our ticket to paradise.

Romper Room

2006-10-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

Don't let them fool ya, or even try to school ya...

2006-10-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

Now that the court order preventing us from exercising our First Right is lifted

2006-09-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, back at the boat basin-- Free Speech is back in season Voignier, that is the nature of our commentary tonight, and after months of being kept from speaking freely with respect to current events, it feels good to "have one's say" again, if you will. It appears Merlot did say too much, in reporting Other Brotha Mike's role in a popular case involving a certain large public company, which no longer trades on any of the securities exchanges, if you will-- not in New York, and not even in Malta.

Needlesstosay, we were taken aback when our group of Boxed wine researchers were served, and drawn into court to face a Federal judge's gag order with respect to some of the behind the scenes information we were disclosing about trials in Texas, and so, we honored that judgment.

Our sponsors were not put off or put out in any why. Several were of the opinion that it was a good thing. One said: "you spend too much time writing that god damn online soap opera and that f@#king Ruth anyway, it's not what we pay you for Merlot", just before writing us a check for 6 figures to sustain or studies into the growing market for Boxed wines for two quarters. And our focus has turned away from the conflicts among those in our employ, and more to then nature of our market studies.

After our national tour ended in May, we returned to the boat basin, where we were delighted to find a whole new crop of boat folk, as we call them, ironically. Since we are tired, and need our rest to greet the 4am shift of researchers returning from The Upper West Side, with their samples of bottles and Wine Boxes, we shall take up the goings on at the Boat Basin later this week.

Otherwise notable this week is the follow quote regarding corks, by a leading French wine producer's man in America:

"You cannot imagine the complexity of sourcing corks internationally,"said Boisset, president of Boisset America.

Most wine priced under $30 a bottle is drunk within hours of purchase. It isn't cellared and so it doesn't require a cork to help with the aging process. For such bottles, the investment in corks is "costly and pointless."

Precisely! The man's point is well taken, and should be underlined with burned cork.

Brotha Mike's Work in Huston, and the Nature of Our Work...

2006-02-18T11:12:00.000-08:00

Yes Voignier, your Merlot is in...

The past few weeks have kept us more busy than the proverbial one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Keeping all parties motivated and moving forward has proven to be a task of Herculean proportions. Indeed, Sister Ruth has created more than her share of episodic and emotionally draining psychodramas that are mostly related to Dr. Emily's and Other Brotha Mike's money and some sort of perceived misappropreation of her inheritance on the sale of a family lobster boat off Maine's coast. It appears that Sister Ruth's life is a kind of work of art that is dedicated to resistance, and neurotic expression of sadness and loss in spite of a rather rich life that includes children and religious affiliations from coast to coast.

Mike and Emily have remained good sports through their abject humiliations, while Sister Ruth as required police intervention 3 times in 3 weeks. Meanwhile, Brotha Mike has been helping out street teams improve their information gathering process in relation to how consumers think of boxed wine, before and after free our free samplings and some of the advertising efforts of our sponsors and benefactors.

We were most distressed to read how you fell asleep on your terrace overlooking The Central Park, as snow covered you head to toe. We were happy to hear that your neighbor's St Bernard was able to dig in and wake you up, if only to raise his leg in a warm offering to help fight your frost bite, which he no doubt was able to sense had set in as you sat, stone cold and stone drunk. We hope you are recovering well, and we trust that your law suit against that French company that bottled the voignier that you drank is well under way.

Mike has coordinated our audio interception efforts, which was made easy by a new flow of funds from one of our sponsors, who interestingly enough had worked with Brotha Mike on another project concerning a certain energy trading company that no longer trades on the public market. One of our sponsor sat on the board there, and dismissed himself at the first sign of improper activity, which Brotha Mike help to uncover using his special talents. Brotha Mike's work with these major elements in the boxed wine, media, packaging, and related businesses opened the door for us, increasing our budget by 10 times over. His close relationship with several of the C level officers and directors of the companies for which we toil has made our requests for funding nothing more than a simple phone call to various CFOs in our sector, whereas before, Dr. Emily would work for hours drafting pro forma accounting sheets and grant proposals that amounted to our barely paying the gas bill for transportation along our cross country route, as we track the elusive America taste for Boxed wine.

Brotha Mike's influence has freed up Dr. Emily's time to focus her effort on other things, when she isn't trying to offer cold comfort to Sister Ruth, who, as Jimmy puts it, "just won't be told", if you will. Ruth, and her boyfriend are convinced that she was jived out of her family's money, of which she has eaten up many years ago, when she traveled to Tibet, just after giving birth to her second child, who is doing well in the private boarding school outside Boston that Brotha (her uncle) Mike pays for her and her little sister to attend. Brotha Mike has been traveling to Huston for the past few weeks, helping to prepare evidence for an upcoming trial of certain individuals who he helped to expose a few years ago on behalf of a group of hedge fund investors and directors of a certain public company with a stock price that had "gotten ahead of itself", as Mike put it, leaving big money investors and many middle class Americans with their pensions attached to this company a little short at the end of it's wild run on the public markets.

Mike gets noticeably angry, and Dr. Emily says it "pisses him off right down to his socks" when he begins speaking about his work in Huston. In spite of the trial and sentencing of the individuals responsible for the great hoodwinking of the public market in their stock, Brotha Mike believes that it remains "a damn shame" that so many people lost so much money for trusting a group of guys who basically stole it by simply calling themselves "the smartest guys in the room" with no apparent sense of irony or modesty. Apparently, they were just showmen and snake oil salesmen, who have stolen many hard working American's futures, and those who will no doubt be called to pay in part to care for them in their retirement.

Without mercy, a small band of thieves took from the rich, and the not so rich alike, to make themselves and a select group of assistants, including band of exotic dancers a lot richer than their skill and talent would ever merit in a market place based on such things, rather than politics, strange ideologies and ideas that reduced and confused the nature of liberty, freedom to nothing much more than liberty for businesses to arranged crooked deals, and freedom to fix prices and wreck established businesses that could not squeeze enough profit from American's need for cheap energy. After a few shots of something other than Boxed Wine, of which we sledom tire, Mike opened up about his work in Huston. He reflected on what happened there, and how he felt: "when I think of all the hard working pipe fitters, garbage men, nurses and teachers who minded their business, and paid their taxes and squirreled away their savings in funds managed by sharp guys and their friends, and listened and trusted other sharp guys on the phone and in there big fancy office parks, who helped these these bums... and how they are cleaned out because nobody said the emperor had no cloths until it was way too late and losses mounted and retirees have nothing... it makes me sick. I'd like to see these guys and all their little dressed up smart ass friends who wrap themselves in the flag, and call it "the American way"... all th elittle bastards who helped them rob pensioners.... I'd like to see them all in Gitmo, with bags over their heads, right next to the POWs who raised up from the outside. These guys attacked this country from within, and it makes me so mad I can just shit!"

This group of "smartest guys in the room" worshipped Adam Smith's invisible hand, and made it something more akin to God's hand, and not simply the same rule of law that lions follow, or insects as they feed off others. This half baked religious belief in free, unfettered markets at all costs, swept the land, via its preachers in Business schools across the world, who never bothered to qualify their lectures with warnings about the events that lead to the Irish famine, where the government stepped aside at the same urgings, and let millions starve to death, or say, Russia's command economy that killed millions in the Ukraine, as grain sat in piles that would have fed them. Mike grows spitting made as he addresses the "Free markets" that personally lost him $80,000 dollars allowed this small group of "traders", steal affordable energy from the state of California, while the share price of their company rocketed. Who could have stopped it, when Wall Street's inexperienced, bought and paid for "analysts" signed off on the company's methods and their madness for lack of better terms, if you will.

It turns out that as much as it is "what ya know", it also remains "who ya know", and knowing Brotha Mike has allowed us to go from a band of merry men and women assigned to taking the pulse of the American consumer to an army of marketing research professionals, with health benefits that include dental, and eyecare, as well as retirement incentives that include 401ks that vest immediately. The increase faith from our sponsors we own in no small part to Brotha Mike's reputation which clearly precedes him. Now that we are in the black, as companies with cash bother to put it, I spend a lot of time approving or denying requests for money from our small army of market researchers, interns, catering staff, maintenance crews, security teams, teamsters and audio visual teams.

Yes, Voignier, it appears that my soaring imagination has lead me to the role of nothing more than a bean counter; this in contrast to The Little Prince who once chased his dreams to the moon, where a dying rose urged him to pay attention to the invisible things, and leave the bean counting to landlords and their tenants, the CPAs and their tax advisors, the bankers and the cashiers, the toll collectors and store clerks whose music amounts to the ringing of their cash registers. No, Voignier, it turns out that I have become that which I loath, a simple bean counter rushing recheck my figures, rather than that little French Prince I keep inside, the little guy who puts hot mustard on his Freedom Fries, and chases his dreams to the stars, his dreams of talking roses and better boxed wine, across North America and parts of Chile. Woe is me Voignier, woe is me, if you ill.

As I dole out funds for this and that necessary good or service, such as dential work for some of our workers from The Riverside Park, wose teeth of long since vanished, and the other costs that keeps our operations moving forward, our dream of a chain of boxed wine stores spreading across the nations, and parts of Chile, seems to fade like some distant memory of a half understood urge on the bus ride to school while thinking of a have rememeber bovine teenage girl one never spoke to directly in that 7th grade health class. And so, I have resolved to re-write out business plan for the great chain of Boxed Wine stores that will in time overtake the big box retailers that offer bottled wines to our core audience for Boxed blends.

Our Guests Lock Horns

2006-02-03T08:05:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier, et al.

The past few days, since the arrival of Sister Ruth to our band of researchers, interns and misc. staff have been busy. Apparently, our sponsors caught wind of our latest foray into what we have termed survellence research, if you will.

2006-01-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier,

Since our last transmission, Sister Ruth showed up to visit with Dr. Emily and her brother who have been hard at work setting up a our latest marketing study. It has caused a bit of a delay, as Ruth, Dr. Emily and out Big Brotha, if you will, have spent a lot of time catching up, and sorting out family business. Ruth, it appears has just returned from a retreat, which was intended to provide her with rest, and relaxation. Rest and relaxation appear to have fled Ruth from the first day of her arrival, when she was reunited with her siblings, who where nonetheless happy to see her, in spite of her sharp words.

Mike, for his part, had been training our staff to generate samples of ambient and spontaneous declarations by our subjects toward the products that we are offering for sample. Many of our best staff researchers have been taking to his training like ducks in water.

Much of the training amounts to placing microphones in the right places, and imparting to the staff the importance of directing their subjects to speak toward the devices, in ways that are not too obvious. Mike has not spoken with his sister Ruth, since his last post overseas, as a private contractor, working as a communications consultant to certain governmental and non-governmental agencies in Middle eastern countries, where conflict makes getting the messages right means the difference between life and death.

Dr. Emily, for her part, has been writing grant proposals for our studies of boxed wine market forces and the impact of certain stimuli on motivation and the mind of the consumer. She has also been meeting with certain university administrators to discuss our work in what's left of The Big Easy. Colleges appear less eager than ever to support the kind of product we are studying in boxed blends, which has made her job more difficult than we anticipated. Convincing officials that in vino es ver etas, where wine is not necessarily viewed as just the right medicine to heal the gulf coast's maladies. Ruth's arrival was quite a suprise to both Mike and Dr. Emily, but in Emily's case, perhaps more. It was Emily's impression that Sister Ruth was to spend several more months on retreat, if you will. It appears that in all his complicated travels, Mike had missed a few payments to Ruth's hosts, which cut short her retreat by several months.

Ruth, for her part, was accompanied by an older gent, who we were introduced as friends from a new organization she had joined since leaving the host organization Mike had been paying as regularly as sunshine, since leaving the US. The organization of course was a popular quasi-religious organization known for merchandizing books on psychology, written by it's founder, a highly successful Science fiction writer.

419: Another Winning Email!

2006-01-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

Voignier,
It looks like fortune as smiled once again this week. Mr. Willeee's email has arrived, informing us that we have another 1.5 million dollars to count, this the result of our unwitting participation in a "European Prize" lottery.

Life is indeed sweet, old friend.

EUROPEAN PRIZE AWARD DEPT. REF: EL3/9318/04 BATCH: 8/163/EL.

Dear Sir/Madam We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International programs held on the20/10/2005. Youre-mail address attached to ticketnumber :EL-23133 with serial number:EL-123542,batchnumber: EL- 35,lottery ref number: EL-9318 and drewlucky numbers: 7-1-8-36-4-22 which consequently won in the 1st category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of $1,500,000.00 (One Million,Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) $1,500,000.00 (One Million,Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) CONGRATULATIONS!!! Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. Allparticipants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 40,000 company and 20,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every year. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by a group of successful electronic dealers. we hope with part of your winning, you will take part in our next year US$20 million international lottery.

To file for your claim, please contact our paying officer: Contact Person: Williams Smith (Lottery Director) Direct Numbers; +447023051913 Email: willieee2005@yahoo.com

Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 31th of march, 2006.After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program. Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified. Yours Sincerely, Mrs.Betje Ejnar, For Management.

Dr. Frank Owusu's Appeal for Great Gains

2006-01-22T12:35:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind Remote Monitors,

Smashing news! We have another investor, this time from Liberia, who has contacted us for help and to share the rewards of his most excellent common scheme and plan. Please see below. I suggest we take all our money out of Eagle Shipping (symbol: EGLE), and leave behind the 17% yield for the following sure fire measured plan for greater gains.

Dear Friend

My name is DR Frank Owusu. the Financial Controller of the former Liberian President MR.CHARLES TAYLOR. Before he left office, he instructed me, Being his financial controller to look for a capable hand (some one) who Will invest his money one billion USD In a period of twenty years, the trustee of the money will have 10% of It and the interest will be shared fifty/fifty. The contract can be Renewed after twenty years till the problem of Mr. President will be over. So if you are prepared to work with Mr. President invest his money, Pease contact me immediately for more details. For your information we Also have a Diamond secured in a very big quantity Please kindly reply if you want to work and do business with us via This email frankowusu11@yahoo.com But Now am in Ghana.God bless you.

Thanks
Dr. Frank Owusu.

Mike and Jimmy Discuss the Party in Your Head

2006-01-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

Mike woke up this morning and unpacked his TSMC equipment, which Dr. Emily told me amounts to over $500,000 dollars worth of high tech tools used in the practice of technical surveillance counter measures, which is his trade when not overseas, consulting for goverment contractors. Emily explained that Mike mortgaged their parent's house to buy it, making back the entire sum after just 8 months working for his first clients, which included several Congressional staffers, lobbyists, C level executives of public companies, and two union leaders on the East coast. Since then, Mike has provided for Dr. Emily and Sister Ruth with regular "gifts" that have amounted to thousands of dollars per year.

After unpacking it to take inventory, Mike took the time to explain, in an informal way to some of the staff researchers from The Riverside Park and several of our struggling actors (who make up our so called "street teams" that collect opinions from our boxed wine subjects). Without going into details about his clients, Mike explained how he uses his tools and what he does in the course of his work. Jimmy's reaction was amusing. Jimmy, who has proved himself one of our most adept survey proctors, asked Mike a rather point blank question, in his trade mark disarming way, which is how Jimmy often gets answers from boxed wine consumers where others return with incomplete survey data. Jimmy asked Mike if: "all his fancy machines make him the big brother", which lead to a good sized belly laugh from Mike, both for the idea and Jimmy's delivery of the idea.

Mike's reply was sanguine: "no Jim, I'm the guy who keeps the big brother from pickin on the little guy. More often than not, we work to keep big brother from making life a living hell for little brothers". This lead the habitual wise-ass, Albert, to one of his monologues that he often recites in the manner of a waiter-actor auditioning for a customer who's identified himself as a Hollywood producer after eating his eggplant rollatini and before dessert. Once again, Albert started right in, as if on cue:

"I'll be around in the dark... I'll be everywhere.
Wherever you can look;
Wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there.
Wherever there's a cop beating up a guy, I'll be there.
I'll be there in the way guys yell when they're mad.
I'll be there in the way kids laugh when they're hungry, and they know supper's ready, and when people are eatin' the stuff they raised, and livin' in the houses they built, I'll be there, too."

Well, Mike seemd to find this enormously entertaining, revealing that he had not had this much fun since taking "R and R in the PI in 1985", to which Jimmy replied again.

Jimmy said: " well no, I don't know what ya mean Mike, but if it takes all these wires and gizmos just to make sure conversations is private, then maybe you just have to talk like Albert, like you're on stage every minute, like somebody's always watching or listening, as if somebody, somewhere always cares. It's like God, or like Shakespeare said, 'all the world's a stage', right Albert? Remember that Simon and Garfunkel song 'America' (and he began to sing, in perfect pitch, which was easy for Jimmy who had been brought up in one of Harlem's more musical churches):

Laughing on the bus Playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said be careful his bowtie is really a camera...
All gone to look for Amer ic a" .

Mike replied in deadpan fashion: "well Jimmy, you know, that's good, I didn't realize you are a singer. But ya know, I have a lot of equipment here that can do all sorts of things, but the one thing I can not do for all my training equipment is crash that party goin on in your head buddy, an I think you know what I'm talkin about"

"I do know what you mean Mike", replied Jimmy, "and there's the rub, isn't it, they can't crash the party in your head, can they Mike? I think you really are The Big Brother Mike, you're the big brother everybody wants Mike. With all these Satelite radios, and Lo Jacks, and Microwave ovens nobody understands, you're a good guy to know Mike. Do ya mind if we call ya 'The Big Brotha" Mike?"

Mike replied, "no Jimmy, I don't mind, just don't call me late when you crack open that cask of boxed wine when that Pizza gets here tonight."

"Just remember this Jimmy, there are situations where knowing me won't be a very big help to you. For example, telephone switching systems such as the AT&T 5ESS are often accessed by corporate spies (and hackers) whereupon the control programs (called "translations") are modified to allow calls to be remotely monitored. Such a tap requires only a phone line, and a laptop computer with a modem.

Such access, when gained, is exceedingly difficult to detect or to protect from. In large measure, security is the province of the telephone utility at this level precluding the implementation of outside countermeasures efforts. Security consultants and professionals with valid concerns have found it valuable to establish working relationships with telephone company security professionals where a mutual threat is realized.

Having said that, they still can't crash the party in your head Jimmy"

Dr. Emily's Brother Offers a Helping Hand

2006-01-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

Dr. Emily's older brother has joined our party to help our investigation into boxed wine consumption, and the underlying motivating factors a play among North American consumers. Dr. Emily's brother has recently returned from Turkey, were he has been employed by a government contractor as a communications expert. Mike, who'se been in the middle east for the past 2 years came to visit his sister while awaiting his deployment to another post within the middle eastern theater, if you will.

Mike was drawn to our project when Dr. Emily emailed him of the plough's progress here in New Orlean, as we host routine tastings and gather feedback from the tourist drawn here by recent events. Mike has proved himself to be a valuable asset, making suggestions and offering feedback as to the merits of our methodologies. He is a bright fellow, and a welcome addition to our team, who promises to help us explore way we might "automate" our data collection process with respect to exit polls and debriefings in the wake of our boxed wine sampling events.

Mike, who as a veterian of the US Navy and various experiences where he focused on fiber optic communications moved to the private sector several years ago before striking out on his own as a consultant offering Technical Surveillance Counter Measures. Needless to say, Mike is accustomed to earning more in a single day than we pay most of our researchers in a month, has shown himself to be good natured about the nature of our rather liquid paydays, if you will, which amount to more boxed wine sampling than cash in hand.

Most of our staff who are here from The Riverside Park have really taken to Mike, as he has offered direction in survey efforts and in setting up housing. Our sponsors have been kind enough to furnish our employees with moble home campers and we have set up a make shift community for our purpose here.

Getting the Boxed Wine Buzz Out in The Big Easy...

2006-01-13T09:33:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind monitors of our progress,

We have had a rather protracted stay in the Big Easy, if you will. Our days have been spent organizing and executing one of the largest "word-of-mouth" advertising campaigns we have ever been engaged to conduct. This is the result of a very old contact referring our writings to a leading box manufacturer in the mid-west, who called us after reviewing several of our studies in boxed wine.

What began as "just us two girls talking", if you will, because a fast friendship and business partnership which has given us a vastly larger budget to conduct our marketing maneuvers across North America, and Parts of Chile on behalf of our clients and the Boxed Wine Association of North America and Parts of Chile. It turns out that our new client is a rather avid boatsmen, which gave us many interests in common, both firm in the conviction that boat ownership is a glorious, if losing proposition, not unlike owning a proverbial hole in the water where we owners must pour our money in order to remain afloat, if you will.

In short, we are delighted by this new business purpose, and needless to say, so are our friends who reside at The Riverside Park, who have been migrating down to New Orleans over these past two weeks. Almost the entire market research team that works for us at the 79th Street Boat Basin in Manhattan has made it, and several new faces have shown up in the hopes that they can "shape the job", as they put it. Many have come by train, but most have either hitched rides along the interstate highway system, or taken the bus, where they were able to scrape of the funds, as it were.

For our part, we are not fan of the free labor model of business (as in work for free in the hope of getting paid after you get a job offer), or those that would allow their employees to audition, or "to shape the job", if you will. Rather, we insist that everyone be paid something of fair value, either it be money, goods or services, which is not problem for us with the amount of boxed wine our clients have provided for our two ongoing road shows. We are no fans of the internship of the American work force, if you will, where over-educated applicants fresh out of college are forced to volunteer to staple and stamp as they audition for a real job. This trend is also a pet point of contention for Dr. Emily's, who has asserted that she would like to see a study showing the correlation breast size and attrition to full time jobs under such conditions. And so, we pay everyone who has come down to New Orleans for work for our new buzz marketing business unit on that we have entitled, Operation Push Strings, or "P.S." if you will.

We believe it is contrary to the better angels of the so called America way to use interns or volunteers to generate income for our clients. Doubtless, America was build on untold hours of free labor in the form of slave wages over the centuries, and to deny the 40 acres and mule economy that came before us would be denying the rather gigantic elephant laying dung in the center of the room. Nevertheless, we have no desire to honor that American tradition that would amount to us bring back the bad old days of indentured servitude and slave wages. And so, everyone on our modest ship of fools is paid according to their contribution to our boxed wine marketing efforts...

Our new Buzz Marketing division is has been in operation for just over 1 week now, with a strategy that focuses on word or mouth testimonials in New Orleans area bars, restaurants and in some cases, people's homes, where folks allow us to hold Boxed Wine parties in their homes the way tupperware or Mary Kay cosmetics are distributed. We however, do not try to sell anything, but instead aim to provide kind words about the products that have ponied you the funds to allow us to do Bacchus; work for him, if you will.

Most of our workers are happy to be in a warm place, having spent November and December "camping" in The Riverside Park, and without morning breakfast and hot coffee prepared by Dr. Emily each day, as it is when we hold court at the boat basin for the warm months. They also appear happy with the compensation, including free wine, "undercover" clothing, ample food and a warm bed each night. We have taken over an entire public campground just outside the city. Operation Pushing String is well underway, in the wake of the Bush visit to New Orleans, where he sat beside the mayor, who put us in mind of a cat with a turpentine ass, as they say. We expect there is no shortage of bad blood between the folks who suffered the wrath of Katrina, and I do not think it is reading into the situation to say, Bush's visit appeared to be going as smoothly as say, a clam bake at a Kosher Butcher's convention (okay, I'll stop) And so, the George Bush we witnessed, as we spread out across the Big Easy spreading good faith for Boxed Wines, seemed as busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, if you will (sorry, last time).

In the wake of the Bush visit, we are having a pretty easy time working with the folks who have been drawn to the bar scene and restaurants. Many appear to be repeating the same thing over and over to us, and a quick eyeball analysis of the word frequency study we are putting together from our worker's notes and taped responses to our Buzz work shows the same 5 words coming up again and again in the same combination (over 84% of the time): "I could use a drink". This phrase is often (59% of the time) preceded by a "great", "cool", "Awesome", "outstanding" and two cases of "yer shittin me?".

We shall be starting a Boxed Wine Message Board, in the near future and are seeking a web manager to help run this project, one who would not mind being paid in boxed blends.