A Study in Merlot

Merlot's ongoing good fortune...

2010-05-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

Good fortune comes our way again with this proffer from Dr Williams:

Reply-To: drwillliams.wilfred@gmail.com
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Date: Sat, 29 May 2010 15:15:00 -0500 (CDT)

Personal message from Transaction 1 Billlion Dollars: Dear
Friend.

Let me introduce you to s transaction of $1 Billion Dollars The transaction is
guarantee and secured from the office of Late President Umaru Musa Yaradua . It
needs to be carried out under strong confidential and Petroleum mutual trust.
Association of European Petroleum Oil Trade Brokers actually take measures to
gain possession of The European Oil Trade funds, instructing them to write
checks to inappropriate parties, wiring funds from their account or transferring
their stocks into other brokerage accounts. This was done to the tune of
$40000000.00 Dollars Then. A creating bogus account statements was realised
after 3 Years, crossing stock positions between European stock ,Market Firm
which latter declared the firm declared Bad Market after accepting cash
incentives from Euro stock market in the past years. for placing “hot issue” IPO
stock into their accounts. Here is the deal. This stock has generated a turnover
of $1 Billion Dollars. President Umaru Musa Yaradua th
e originator of the stock is dead. I need you to help get this bond from the
European stock market, liquidate it into cash and get it transferred in your
account. This will take a maximum of 4 working days. Payment will be
administered from Citibank London or New York depending on our instruction for
payment.

Mr. Ayo

Boxed Wine Tasting in Long Island City

2009-03-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we'll be hosting a blind boxed wine tasting in Long Island City at the VFW near the bridges. Dr. Wu has promised to drive, and remain sober for the night, while Dr. Emily is making finger foods out of several days scraps from area restaurants.

We'll be gathering video feedback from attendees, many of whom stay in an area Men's shelter. We'll be reporting our findings hereafter.

Dr. Wu's New Deal

2009-03-11T15:10:00.001-07:00

As it turns, my trusted assistant, Dr. Wu's is something of a leopard who has been baring his spots for the past year, and yet he's also something of a bear to deal with on the subject of shutting down his new and varied business interests, which range from spam email operations offering penis pills, gambling, vitamins, pornography, and oddly enough an online kidney exchange. So successful is Dr. Wu's operation that he's made us an offer to buy out our Boxed Wine Consulting Service, boat slip and all.

He's holding firm in his newly discovered lines of business. Wu's background as a former Wall Street "quant" and computer modeling expert makes him almost too well suited to pluck the low hanging fruits of web based virtual business world. Curiously, another habit of which the Dr. has also re acquired is lubricating his love for Gin, and past 6pm, he's impossible to talk with. Dr. Emily is the only person with whom he cares to speak, and to make matters worse, he periodically asks her: "may I touch your tits". Dr. Emily for her part, is not amused by our Research Coordinator errant, if you will.

I suppose we should count ourselves lucky he has no taste for boxed wines, which means our stockpile of free samples from our clients has remained safe, at least from Dr. Wu. However, our Riverside Park employees are another storied mess. After their shifts, collecting empty wine bottles from NY's finer restaurants, each has grown accustomed to drinking some of the profits, if you will, from our stored Boxed Wine supply, which Dr. Wu had guarded so well, before his foray into his not nefarious businesses.

Apparently, Dr. Wu has also run afoul of most of our remaining staff for his efforts to monopolize the affections of all of the "working girls" who've been enlisted to operate an "in call" service on the boat. The Dr., it turns out becomes quite the lover when under the influence of drink, and many of the girls, and many of their supporting staff have been put off by his propensity to "eat the profits" if you will. Moreover, his love on onions, garlic, ginger and curry makes this a particularly unpleasant experience for the "service providers" who've entertained his proffers. It's a fine mess, a social networking disaster of the first order.

At this rate, I'm afraid it will take a great effort to rekindle our foot hold as New York's premier Box Wine consulting firm.

Returning from Our Argentinian Sabbatical

2009-03-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

Our South American Sabbatical was a halogen time for myself and the small support staff I assembled to root out the market potentials for grapes of our Southern neighbors. Argentinian wines offer gigantic potential profits for our Box wine producing sponsors, and it took very little research to establish baselines and economies of scale for them.

Nevertheless, we did miss much of the excitement of seeing America's first president to have African heritage elected to lead us out of the perceived decline that is fueling a massive boom in the Boxed wine markets around the world. Let's wish him luck, even as we enjoy consumer's shifting priorities and increased appreciation for what grapes and boxes have to offer, if you will.

Dr. Emily and a select few marketing research and community organizers made the trip with the kind support of several of the industry's leading producers of Box wines and spirits who took advantage of our unparalleled success developing new products. Unfortunately, what we left in our wake has turned sour in our absence, including out boat slip at the 79th Street Boat Basin. It appears several of our trusted staff regained the taste for the grape, in spite of their diagnosed alcoholism and sober living for several years.

Perhaps the free samples sent from our sponsors were a temptation too great to dash upon the rip rock along the West side drive; or maybe it was in the course of cleanup after the excessive party schedule established to raise money to pay slip fees. I suppose some combination of economics and character failings are at root. Nevertheless, we've had to make some changes at the boat basin, if you will. And the probationary period will not be ending anytime soon, however hard it will be for research and support staff to separate their habits from their new found, or "rediscovered" ideals.

Our first major change upon return was to re establish the nightly Alcoholic Anonymous meetings on the deck (weather permitting), and making them a prerequisite of any and all staff members who choose to remain in our employ.

Secondly, we've ended the use of the boat slip as a nesting ground for "erotic service providers" associates of the staff, offering "in calls", using Craigslist.

Thirdly, we have banned all fireworks, bon fires, and firearm sales.

Fourth, the boat can not longer be rented out for use as a studio for erotic film makers, or as a place for "investors" in such activities meet and discuss their business opportunities.

Sixth, all futons have been removed and carried to The Riverside Park for disposal, which should help to eliminate the bed bug problem.

Seventh, the hard drive of the desktop was cleaned of all "unrelated business", including but no limited to use as a Spam server for penis enhancement pills, gambling, pornography, and as an Kidney exchange bidding site. Our trusted assistant has reverted to his unique, if corrupt skill set that brought him to our doorstep so many years ago.

Eighth, bear knuckle fighting and amateur boxing matches are banned, no matter what famous persons agree to take part, or whether they are merely the subtext for homosexual bonding events, or to raise money for charitable cases.

And Finally, Sister Ruth is to be placed on a 6 month probation, and not permitted to enter the boat slip.

All this to say, there really is not rest for the weary or the wicked for that matter.

Good day!

Greetings in April

2008-04-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Spring has come like high tide, following low tide at the 79th Street Boat Basin, with empty bottles and cans, floating to shore with the other refuse that any city the scope and scale of New York would render where similarily situated. What city wouldn't yield so rich a variety of afterbirth with each new morning, in the aftermath of what new dramas preformed and songs sung?

And so we return, boats upon the current, bobbing back into our past, and future grants for the study of Boxed Wine consumption patterns, new product development, trials and tribulations, if you will.

Spring, upon us, and wine, like sunlight pours.

A 500,000 GBP Winning Ticket, as We Sail Spring Sets in at the Basin

2007-05-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

The answer to our temporary cash flow problem arrived this morning by mailto:emailfanchio242@cox.net:

Your email address have won you a total sum of £500,000.00 GBP (i.e Five Hundred
Thousand United Kingdom Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file
REF:YAHOO6/315116127/27 This is from a total cash prize
of US$20,400,000.00 shared amongst the seventeen international winners in this
category in the YAHOO FINANCIAL PROMOTIONS. To file for your claims you are to
contact him with the following informations:
Full name,Address,Age,Sex,Occupation and your Country, Name: Mr Paul Willliams
E-mail: agentpaulwilliams1@yahoo.dk
Tel:(+44) 7031915195,(+44) 7031907340
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Your Sincerely,
Mrs. Amelia Hunts
Online Promotions Manager
Uk Administrative Unit
Your email address have won you a total sum of £500,000.00 GBP (i.e Five Hundred
Thousand United Kingdom Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file
REF:YAHOO6/315116127/27 This is from a total cash prize
of US$20,400,000.00 shared amongst the seventeen international winners in this
category in the YAHOO FINANCIAL PROMOTIONS. To file for your claims you are to
contact him with the following informations:
Full name,Address,Age,Sex,Occupation and your Country, Name: Mr Paul Willliams
E-mail: agentpaulwilliams1@yahoo.dk
Tel:(+44) 7031915195,(+44) 7031907340
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Your Sincerely,
Mrs. Amelia Hunts
Online Promotions Manager
Uk Administrative Unit
.AOLWebSuite .AOLPicturesFullSizeLink { height: 1px; width: 1px; overflow: hidden; }

This should keep our continued research at the 79th Street Bait Basin afloat, if you will. Recently, we've seen at massive upswing in premium bottled wines in Manhattan trash pails, which is a little disappointing, given our efforts to bouy boxed wine sales here. However, all is not lost. More and more big retailers are starting to carry boxed wines at reasonable rates.

The staff has done will this past winter, conducting research in major southern cities and parts of Latin America, including the islands. We had boat trouble, and there was an episode with sister Ruth's purchasing of controlled substances in Miami, but apart from that, it was a productive quarter, allowing us to raise record amounts of funding from our backers, boxed wine producers in places with massive upticks in grape crops, thanks to several major break through in biotech with respect to fertilizers... more to follow.

Another Proffer from a Man with Two First Names

2007-01-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we were offered massive, CEO level wealth for making a simple phone call. Our new friend wrote us, as follows:

DEAR FRIEND,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY HOPE OK, PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME TO RECEIVE THIS FUND 30 MILLION GREAT BRITISH POUNDS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IS RISK FREE AND LEGAL.

I WAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY FOR MORE DETAILS.
HERE IS MY CELL PHONE NUMBER +234-8035-80-2472, YOU CAN CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY IF YOU WONT MIND.

THANKS

DR CHARLES V. JAMES.

HEADERS>>>
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Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2007 3:05:58 -0800
From: "DR CHARLES V. JAMES"
Reply-To: charlesjames0009@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: 30 MILLION POUNDS TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME.

Sister Ruth's Winter Solstice and Brotha Mike's Break

2007-01-01T12:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings Kind Readers, and Best wishes for this New Year of two thousand and seven,

Sister Ruth has come to visit us as we set sail this holiday season, with her children from Austen, Riggs on Norman Rockwell's Main Street in Stockbridge, MA. Unfortunately, the man who picked her and the children up hitchhiking on Interstate 84 ran out of gas, which meant several hours wait at a truck stop before she was able to simply call for Dr. Emily to pick her up with the Red Blazer, after Ruth's overcoming her anger, pride, residual resentments, born in childhood and cradled in the heart ever since, as well as the "white lightening", or grain alcohol that Pete (the driver) had brought with him from his trip down from New Hampshire. Apparently, after learning that he had some, Ruth encouraged Pete to pull into a rest stop for a small "break" which included a drinking game the focused on the characters in popular television shows from the 1950's and 60s, as the children walked Spark, the new dog Ruth had been awarded for her progress at Riggs. This all meant additional time for "rest" as Pete sobered up enough to drive, and the children were convinced enough to return his keys to Ruth, who resolved to do the driving. By then, the gas had run out of Pete's Pacer, with the nearest station several miles away.

The next leg of Ruth's adventure seems to involved a semi driver who was good natured enough to hear her out and offer a ride, that is until she was caught "borrowing" a rare Allman Brother's recording from his disk player. The trucker, "a man of principal", as he put it, called the highway authorities, who subjected Ruth to a long interview which turned into more of an interrogation, based on the records that had apparently turned up in their computer search of her name and address. When Ruth refused to speak to the patrol, and when spoken to, would only hum the theme to the 70s television show, The A Team, she was taken to the closest police station, where her ordeal worsened. Once at the station, Ruth apparently found, took, unwrapped and ate 4 cheese burgers, with french fries, and 2 large sodas that she discovered on the desk of one of the patrolmen, where she was seated, while they were discussing her circumstances in a nearby closed office with their superior. This made the patrol, and their captain enraged, since their mealtimes are limited.

All this in turn lead to her being appointed a lawyer, and ultimately to an intervention by one of Ruth's attending counselors at Riggs, who Ruth calls "Wendy Wellesley," perhaps having learned something about her counselor's background. Apparently, Wendy was able to explain and account for some of Ruth's offbeat behavior patters to the satisfaction of the highway patrol, who insisted on being paid for their misappropreated meal.

The acrimony between Ruth and Dr. Emily has lasted several days now as we've set sail, south along the intercoastal, and it appears that the capable staff at Riggs Foundation will have their work cut out for them upon Sister Ruth's returns there with her children to continue her "examined living" as she Mike and Dr. Emily put it. It's as if Ruth blames Dr. Emily in some way for both the chaos in Ruth's life, and perhaps the lack of Chaos in Emily's. Sibling rivalry is perhaps a fixture of every family's holiday, but whenever Ruth makes it back to the 79th Street Boat Basin to celebrate, it's seems never more pronounced.

Brother Mike has also returned for Christmas from a protracted assignment with Dietl & Associates. The psychodramatic festival has hardly been a welcome homecoming for Mike, and the overall level of boxed wine consumption is 14 percent greater than last year according to Dr. Wu's books. Mike has made the most of his time showing the children the finer points of the pick and roll as it is used in several sports, including Lacrosse, which he has chosen to fully equip the children to master upon their return to Riggs with their mother. Mike has been reviewing various prep school options for the children as they approach an age when they must ready themselves for college.

New Years came and left like the tide, as we have made our way, adrift, down the East coast toward America's southern cities. And the flow of wine, did indeed match the tides.

Looking ahead, this week, we'll be attending a packaging industry gathering in New Orleans, hosted by a public interest group that is trying to raise awareness about recycling features of boxed wine, and the benefits of bottled delivery methods. We will present a different voice on the subject, as has been requested by several of our sponsors. Dr. Emily and I have been hard at work gathering, sorting and reviewing data to support the use of boxed pacakaging over bottled wine distribution. Stay tuned.

Seasons Greetings, as we pack and head south

2006-12-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Seasons Greetings to all our friends and kind readers,

Today, we have concluded our contractual agreements here in the New York market, and have spent the week getting ready to head south to pick up our market surveillance and data collection operation in warmer climates. While the Boat Basin has been kind to us from the standpoint of weather, it is indeed time to "break out the hats and hooters", if you will and pack it in for the 2006 season.

Dr. Emily has already left to organize and coordinate some of the things we will need to gather data as we travel down the East coast via Inter-coastal to Miami, and on to various islands and points south, including Panama, of course. I find as I age, time apart from Dr. Emily seems much more dear, like dog years. It's been many years since we first met in Tampa, when she had just begun her advanced studies that concluded several advanced degrees, and I was returning from a protracted sabbatical from my Agronomy fellowship both in Bordeaux and in parts of Chile.

The night before Dr. Emily took leave in the red blazer to The 95 South, we had the chance to review those early days so many years ago, while sampling a hearty gluping wine, an unassuming little white boxed blend from South Africa that my contractual agreements with our benefactor preclude me from commenting up, apart from the fact that we did illicit a kind of mauldlin emotionalism in we both. Many tears were shed, as we discussed things that happened, and things that had never happened, as well as those things that might have been.

And so, drunk, and without acrimony, we agreed to take up the topic again when Dr. Emily comes home.

Out of Africa: another modest $22 Million Dollar 419 proposal

2006-12-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings!

Luck has visited our email box yet again, with an offer of $22 million dollars from a Mr. Robert Sankoh, the lastest figure in what is doubtless one of the most profitable forms of fiction the world over, the 419 Scam (for detail, see, here).

This particular "golden opportunity" has all the elements to capture the imagination and fuel anyone's greedy inner brat, made bold with the help of those blind twin bodyguards, hope and confidence that furnish just enough false sense of security upon which every 419 scam is built. It has all the "usual suspects", if you will.

For example, consider, we have the son of a diamond and gold company chairman, and a rebel leader to bring the required chaos, as well as a "secret" certificate of deposit, all of which creates the opportunity of anyone to grow rich overnight, just by spending a little money up front (typically enough money to purchase a good watch and German car).

Apparently, as the story goes, Mr. Sankoh, with his mother Rose, and his jailed father made it to Abidijan (see photo above); and now he is in a position to collect his father's riches, if he can find someone to help him, the way a card dealer needs others to help him play three card monty in Times Square, experience that more than a few of our staff here at the 79th Street Boat Basin have under their belts, prior to taking up work here as Boxed Wine marketing data collection associates.

No doubt, Mr. Sankoh sits in an air condition internet cafe, copy story or "bang" spinning his web of fiction aimed at gathering just 1% of we lucky thousands he emails to get involved with his common scheme or plan. Unfortunately, we have far too much work here at the boat basin, collecting data about Manhattan wine consumption for our sponsors to walk with Robert through a dream that would doubtless make Dante' Inferno appear more like a Cakewalk than an ordeal.

.
Hellow Dear
It took me a long time to make up my mind to let you know about this business proposal I am to introduce to you. It is because I don't want to throw away golden opportunity I have by involving the wrong person .I do hope that you will not let me down because this is something that will be of mutual benefit to both of us.

My name is MR Robert SANKOH son of the rebel leader FODAY F. SANKOH former chairman of A Sierra Leonine Gold and Diamond Corporation). My father was arrested by the present government of Mr.TEJAN KABBAH for planing to overthrew his government.Though, I do not know to what extend you are familiar with events and disturbances in Sierra Leone.

However, during the disturbances and prior to my father's arrest, he gave me a certificate meant for a secret deposit he made in a Security Company in Abidjan. The deposit is worth $ 22,000,000 (Twenty two million u s dollars) He made this deposit as belonging to my father's foreign partners with the hope of converting it to his family use at the end of the conflict. But later, he was arrested when the fracas intensified as a result of the involvement of the UN Peace Keeping force in Sierra Leone .

On the strength of the above, I fled to Abidjan with my mother where I am presently residing. However I have gone to the Security Company to confirm the deposit and inform them that my father's foreign partner is coming to claim the consignment. Therefore, I solicit for your assistance (hoping that you are honest and trustworthy) in transferring the money out of Africa for business world. You will be compensated adequately for your participation in this transaction. if you are interested, I will highly appreciate to recive your mail Awaiting your immediate response.

Best Regard,
Mr. Robert Sankoh
Rose Sankoh mother

Robert's Headers:
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Good 419 News from the Swiss!

2006-12-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Hope, that thing with feathers, as the Bell of Amherst once put it, has landed, if not shad upon us once again. The following email notice was forward to us with the promise of a good sum for the taking, and I for one, and delighted by the suspension of disbelief it engenders, rather like visions of sugar plumbs dancing in one's head.

Perhaps "a fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place," as Gordon Gekko said in the timeless classic about Wall Street and greed. Humbug, and all power to the imagination I say, here, in my cutoff jeans, and Dr. Scholes, reading Sharon Cole's and Aron Baker's winning prize notice aloud to our friends and agents here at the boat basin, who bring in there empty wine bottles for tabulation, before taking their morning meal, which is Spanish themed this week.

Read for yourself, and celebrate the spirit of receiving this Christmas:

From:
swisslotto@swisslotto.ch

SWISS LOTTO UK.
P O Box 1010
Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM
https://www.swisslotto.ch

CONGRATULATIONS!!!.....YOU HAVE WON Â750,000 Euros

You have have been awarded Â750,000 Euros in the SWISS-LOTTO Satellite software email
lottery in which e-mail addresses are picked Randomly by software powered by the Internet through the worldwide website.
Your email address was amongst those chosen this year for the SWISS LOTTO Satellite lottery. And this promo is proudly sponsored by the SWISS-LOTTO UK organization.
You can log on to our website for more information concerning our entire lottery promo https://www.swisslotto.ch .

Your email address,attached to Ref number 5, 7, 14, 17,18, 43 with Serial number 1979-12 drew the lucky Numbers 10, and consequently won the lottery in the "A" Category.
You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of Â750,000 Euros
Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European Booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon.
In View of this, your Â750,000 Euros will be released to you by our security firm in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact them.

All participants Were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draw System and extracted from over 300,000 companies and individual email addresses.
This promotion takes place annually. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to Claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements.

To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent:
Mr. Aron Baker,
Email: swisslottoclaimsagent06@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44 704 010 1519

Provide him with the information below:
1.Name:
2.Address:
3.Marital Status:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Nationality:
8.Country Of Residence:
9.Telephone Number:
10.Fax Number:
11.Draw Number above:

This information facilitate the due process of the release of winnings avoid unnecessary delays and complications in the processing of your winnings.
Always remember to quote your Reference / serial number in any correspondences with us or our Designated agent.

Congratulations once more from all members and staff of This program and Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

Sincerely,
Sharon Cole
Co-ordinator
SWISS LOTTO UK.
P O Box 1010
Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM
https://www.swisslotto.ch

N:B - PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL CORRESPONDENT WILL BE TEMPORARILY BE VIA EMAIL UNTIL 24 HOURS BEFORE PAY-OUT THEN YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED VIA TELEPHONE

Today, Dr. Emily declared this "Merlot of La Mancha Week", and has begun to dress as Sophia Lauren did in the Oscar nominated film, "The Man of La Mancha", while she serves thick hot chocolate and Churros to our friends and staff. I have taken notice that her breakfast themes take on a sardonic tone as holidays approach. Perhaps it betrays the kind of discomfort adults who have an over-abundance of bad memories and negative associations surrounding the holiday season, like a beat dog to a newspaper.

Nevertheless, we are delighted that she has incorporated the sweat, hot chocolate in this latest "summerstock", if you will. Last year, her Victory over Japan theme amounted to garbage pals full of kamikazeazie punch made with grain alchohol to be served on crushed ice, which did not help our production here at the boat basin. The staff took their offerings in place of food when they brought in there marketing data each morning. The result: three alcohol poisonings by week's end.

A Remarketable New Service for Unboxed Wine Lovers

2006-11-27T12:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier,
A word to the wise should suffice, nevertheless:

When Black Friday comes
I'll stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor
When Black Friday comes
I'll collect everything I'm owed
And before my friends find out
I'll be on the road
When Black Friday falls you know it's got to be
Don't let it fall on me
When Black Friday comes
I'll fly down to Muswellbrook
Gonna strike all the big red words
From my little black book
Gonna do just what I please
Gonna wear no socks and shoes
With nothing to do but feed
All the kangaroos
When Black Friday comes I'll be on that hill
You know I will
When Black Friday comes
I'm gonna dig myself a hole
Gonna lay down in it 'til
I satisfy my soul
Gonna let the world pass by me
The Archbishop's gonna sanctify me
And if he don't come across
I'm gonna let it roll
When Black Friday comes
I'm gonna stake my claim
I'll guess I'll change my name

I hope this communication in the wake of "Black Friday" finds you as well as we here at The Boxed Wine Association of North America and Parts of Chile, along with our band of elfs whom we are glad to call our associates. Last night was eventful, as the holidays brought a new spirit of consumption to Manhattan's restaurants, bistros and lounges, which we can confirm with actual data (numbers and varieties of empty wine bottles gathered by our research staff in the course of their overnight shift). As you may know, our staff is paid per bottle (or lable for those who carry their lable removal tools), which has amounted to a bounty, as records numbers of bottles were recovered from the Thanksgiving holiday period.

Our report will not be finished until next week, but I am sure our sponsers will be delighted by this latest numbers crunch. We are simply jassed to report, that's to Dr. Emily's grant writing skills, we have added two new wine industry supporters for our research. Each has pledged to support our winter sebatical to Florida and points south. We have a committed band of researchers who will be sailing with us this year, and gathering data from the dumpsters of some of Miami's finer restaurants over the winter months, as well as various other watering holes for the rich and famous below the horse lattitudes, if you will.

I was busy last night while waiting for the bounty of empty wine bottles that is our raw data to come in early AM, and to be processed by my invaluable assistant, who Sister Ruth (using that glut of irony with which she approaches every task in her world, has taken to call my "Dr. Wu"). As I surfed the web for football scores, and currency exchange rates, I ran across a new tool for boxed and unboxed wine lovers alike. The website, called Vintrust.com, is a new company with the following laudable, if ambitious goal:

Through the integration of technology, exceptional service and the best wine minds in the industry, we work to bring you an unparalleled resource for managing, cellaring, buying, selling and enjoying your wine.

Of course, we are left wondering how they can deliver on such a promise without consulting us, but that is yet another story. For the best minds in this industry all call upon us for our point of view. Nevertheless, this Vintrust.com site allows wine lovers to create an online inventory and manage their wine collection using some of the leading edge tools available, including bar coding and scanners to help one quickly manipulate the data that is associated with their liquid properties. Frankly, these tools excite us. We often have an oversupply of unboxed wines with which we are paid by our supporters in various barter transactions which aim to keep our research staff well positioned to conduct their nightly work.

Vintrust.com also includes a wine exchange if you will, were buyers and sellers can meet and swap information, bids and offers in their comfort of their own homes. We are delighted to see this kind of thing; and hope to make use of it as several of our supports pay us with premium blends, which we seek to "monitize" from time to time, and thereby trade down to the boxed wines that our employees tend to favor, while pocketing the difference, which typically pays for our staff meals and more. Vintrust.com will certainly a welcome innovation, if it can help us to turn some of these unboxed batered bottles into spendable cash with which we can grow and expand our data gathering and boxed wine business intellegence efforts.

More Good Fortune: Another Outstanding Proffer from Ghana

2006-11-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

Sitting here, in our cutoff jeans, prepairing the boat basin for a long winter, and our journey south to the warmer waters of Florida, Mexico, Costa Rica and points south, to Panama we are happy to report a new proffer from a Mr. "Gaga Smith".

Far be it for us to count our chickens before they hatch, if you will; but here is yet another bit of luck we just had to share with your an our kind readers-- the promise of riches from another's misfortune, which plays wonderfully into our good natured, shameless, bloated, America greed, however flavored with a pinch of irony it might be, like so much seasoned salt on our holiday vittles.

I know that some might see Mr. Gaga Smith's offer as just one more 419 Scam finding its way to our email box; but what if it is not, and what if it is fear alone that holds us back from realizing what those most fickle vixens, the Fates, have in store for us? What if clicking the erase button, or the "report spam" button on this offer is just one more self defeating act we would be taking, as we sit akimbo, watching ourselves tabluate the findings brought to us by people we know, some we pay per bottle and some who labour for love, struggling to make ends meet as they fish empty wine bottles and boxes out of New York's trash pales and dumpsters, all the while aware of those lucky few speeding up the Henry Hudson Highway toward their second homes in their new sports cars for long weekends filled with fine foods, bottled wines, wide screen entertainments and navigating silk undergarments.

Nevertheless, this is not the time of year for chickens, is it?

Please provide you feedback Voignier on this most excellent opportunity.

Barrister Gaga Smith
No 3 link street
Accra Ghana.
Private email: esq_gagasmith@sify.com

I am Barrister Gaga Smith, a solicitor at law and the personal attorney to
Mr. Robert Palmera who works with Petrochi construction Bank in Ghana
and he is known and referred to as my Client. On the 21st of August 2003,my
client, his wife and their children were involved in a car accident along
Sagbama express road. Unfortunately all the entire family lost their lives
in the tragedy.Since then, I have made several enquires to your embassy to
locate any of my clients extended relatives but all my efforts proved
unsuccessful.After these unsuccessful attempts failed, I decided to track
his last name in the Internet to locate any member of his family or his
national hence I contacted you.

Now my contacts to you is to assist me in repatriating the money in his
bank account here before the account will be confiscated or declared
unserviceable by the Union bank where he deposited this money valued (Eight
Million Three Hundred And Twenty Thousand Six Hundred And Forty Three
United States Dollars Only. More importantly, the finance house where the
deceased client deposited these huge sums of money has served me a
write of notice to provide the NEXT OF KIN of my client or the account will
be confiscated.

Since I have tried and failed on sever occasions in locating his relatives I
am now seeking for your consent to present you as the next of kin the
deceased since you have the same last name with him, so that the money in
his account will be paid to you while I will come over to your country for
the sharing. I will take 40% while you will take 40%. And 20% will be
donated to the less privileged and charity organization. I have all the
necessary legal documents that can be use to backup any claim we may want.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal
through.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that
will protect you from any breach of the law. You are required to send the
following information immediately as to enable me process the legal
documents, they are:

1. Your full names.
2. Your contacts address.
3. Your age.
4. Your private phone and fax number (if any)
5. Your occupation.
6. Your nationality.

Awaiting your urgent reply. You should please always write to on my
private email: esq_gagasmith@sify.com

A Few of our Favorite Things...

2006-11-20T12:15:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite Boxed Wine designs came from the storied Sonoma Valley of California. Upon its introduction, the golden box certainly was a milestone for the packaging and sale of fine wines in a box. It's one of the props, or things, if you will, we like to carry with us to parties around Manhattan this time of year, as the holidays fast approach, serving friends, new and old, and all who approach us by the glass. The golden box puts on in mind of the finest Swiss Chocolate, or perhaps a tombstone fit for a king.

In point of fact, Pacific Southwest Container in Modesto, California won an award for printing this most distingushed of boxed wine designs on the market. Further investigation will reveal that:

"Tincknell & Tincknell, Wine Sales and Marketing Consultants, of Healdsburg, California, and Bauermeister Design of Sonoma, California, teamed together to create the packaging for a new, upscale, super-premium, three-liter boxed wine, the Blackburn Fine Wine Cache from Sonoma Hill Winery in Graton, California.

For our part, the golden boxed wine offers us a chance to show off our uncommon taste and eye for the finer things in life, which, after all, is what holidays are all about.

Another Rare Find in Canada Offers Favor for the Prepared Mind

2006-11-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

Greeting V, and fellows well met;

Recently, I recieved an email proffer with from agents of a Canadian company that has uncovered yet another rare opportunity for us to make our fortune. This lastest proffer appears to be even greater than many of the offers we have had from our Nigerian and South African friends who have contacted us with lottery winnings and inheritance proceeds. This latest communication came from the desk of Geoffrey Eiten, America's Leading Small/Micro-Cap Stock Specialist, wirting for The Special Situations Report.

For our part, we are delighted to be given the chance to load up on this his latest stock selection that is part of a pattern of success that is truely outstanding. According to Mr. Eiten, his last "pick" soared, over 1,600 percent.

And according to Mr. Eiten, his current selection is ready to do the same. The company has selected is "Source Petrolium", symbol, SOPO. Source has uncovered massive quanities of oil in central Canada, which apparently could make us rich as stock share holders, if we choose to take Mr. Eiten up on his proffer. Review for youself the words of Mr. Eiten, "American's Leading Smal Cap/Microcap Specialist" as he waxes on SOPO. SOPO apparently operates in THE LARGEST OIL FIELD IN THE WORLD, according to Mr. Eiten. He writes:

"Fortunes are being made in Canadian oil stocks as share prices skyrocket to historic highs.

It's a profit making bonanza turning pocket change into buckets of cash!

The timing is perfect. Oil prices have been taking a breather, but higher prices in 2007 are a certainty.

For a shot at solid profits in the months ahead, you should be loading up on new oil and energy stocks right now.

And for aggressive investing, at least one Canadian oil stock (like SOPO) should be in your portfolio today.

If not, you're simply walking away from money that's waiting to be made.

How can it be any other way?

America will NOT start running on corn squeezins and sunbeams anytime soon.

We need oil...lots of it for decades to come. Where will we get it?

No doubt it will be Canada.

Canada now holds the largest known oil reserves on the planet, even greater than Saudi Arabia's. It has become the number one hunting ground for everything we need.

New oil deposits...

New natural gas deposits and...

New entry level stocks with quadruple-digit growth potential!

Oil, gas and profits!

This is as close as it gets to a sure thing. Yes, I know you can lose money at this too, but look at the chart above.

I published a Special Situations Report on this stock last year. In nine months, it shot up 1,667%!

That's $15,667 pure profit for every thousand put in!

You don't have to put a lot of money at risk for a shot at huge returns. So if you're the kind of investor that wants to buy at the bottom of a chart like the one above, then feast your greedy eyes on this!

Source Petroleum (SOPO) put together one of the most impressive oil and gas portfolios found anywhere in over-the-counter issues. It now has...
"

According to his email offer, here are some of Mr. Eiten's other wildly successful small cap stock picks over the years:

Over the years, my subscribers have been alerted to growth buys like this:

13,538% on Express Scripts (ESRX)
First recommended: 9/92 @ $0.60 – 8/15/06 $81.83 current
4,217% on Natural MicroSystems (NMSS)
First recommended: 4/94 @ $1.56 – with subsequent high 9/7/00 of $84.91
3,089% on Advance PCS (ADVP)
First recommended: 12/96 @ $1.19 – sell recommended 9/15/03 $36.76
1,336% on Techne Corporation (TECH)
First recommended: 6/93 @ $3.43 – 8/15/06 $49.25
1,085% on Surmodics (SRDX)
First recommended: 5/98 @ $4.88 – with subsequent high 6/28/01 of $66.90

If these kind of massive gains are any indication of the quality of Mr. Eiten's work, then he is perhaps our ticket to paradise.

Romper Room

2006-10-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

Don't let them fool ya, or even try to school ya...

2006-10-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

Now that the court order preventing us from exercising our First Right is lifted

2006-09-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, back at the boat basin-- Free Speech is back in season Voignier, that is the nature of our commentary tonight, and after months of being kept from speaking freely with respect to current events, it feels good to "have one's say" again, if you will. It appears Merlot did say too much, in reporting Other Brotha Mike's role in a popular case involving a certain large public company, which no longer trades on any of the securities exchanges, if you will-- not in New York, and not even in Malta.

Needlesstosay, we were taken aback when our group of Boxed wine researchers were served, and drawn into court to face a Federal judge's gag order with respect to some of the behind the scenes information we were disclosing about trials in Texas, and so, we honored that judgment.

Our sponsors were not put off or put out in any why. Several were of the opinion that it was a good thing. One said: "you spend too much time writing that god damn online soap opera and that f@#king Ruth anyway, it's not what we pay you for Merlot", just before writing us a check for 6 figures to sustain or studies into the growing market for Boxed wines for two quarters. And our focus has turned away from the conflicts among those in our employ, and more to then nature of our market studies.

After our national tour ended in May, we returned to the boat basin, where we were delighted to find a whole new crop of boat folk, as we call them, ironically. Since we are tired, and need our rest to greet the 4am shift of researchers returning from The Upper West Side, with their samples of bottles and Wine Boxes, we shall take up the goings on at the Boat Basin later this week.

Otherwise notable this week is the follow quote regarding corks, by a leading French wine producer's man in America:

"You cannot imagine the complexity of sourcing corks internationally,"said Boisset, president of Boisset America.

Most wine priced under $30 a bottle is drunk within hours of purchase. It isn't cellared and so it doesn't require a cork to help with the aging process. For such bottles, the investment in corks is "costly and pointless."

Precisely! The man's point is well taken, and should be underlined with burned cork.

Brotha Mike's Work in Huston, and the Nature of Our Work...

2006-02-18T11:12:00.000-08:00

Yes Voignier, your Merlot is in...

The past few weeks have kept us more busy than the proverbial one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Keeping all parties motivated and moving forward has proven to be a task of Herculean proportions. Indeed, Sister Ruth has created more than her share of episodic and emotionally draining psychodramas that are mostly related to Dr. Emily's and Other Brotha Mike's money and some sort of perceived misappropreation of her inheritance on the sale of a family lobster boat off Maine's coast. It appears that Sister Ruth's life is a kind of work of art that is dedicated to resistance, and neurotic expression of sadness and loss in spite of a rather rich life that includes children and religious affiliations from coast to coast.

Mike and Emily have remained good sports through their abject humiliations, while Sister Ruth as required police intervention 3 times in 3 weeks. Meanwhile, Brotha Mike has been helping out street teams improve their information gathering process in relation to how consumers think of boxed wine, before and after free our free samplings and some of the advertising efforts of our sponsors and benefactors.

We were most distressed to read how you fell asleep on your terrace overlooking The Central Park, as snow covered you head to toe. We were happy to hear that your neighbor's St Bernard was able to dig in and wake you up, if only to raise his leg in a warm offering to help fight your frost bite, which he no doubt was able to sense had set in as you sat, stone cold and stone drunk. We hope you are recovering well, and we trust that your law suit against that French company that bottled the voignier that you drank is well under way.

Mike has coordinated our audio interception efforts, which was made easy by a new flow of funds from one of our sponsors, who interestingly enough had worked with Brotha Mike on another project concerning a certain energy trading company that no longer trades on the public market. One of our sponsor sat on the board there, and dismissed himself at the first sign of improper activity, which Brotha Mike help to uncover using his special talents. Brotha Mike's work with these major elements in the boxed wine, media, packaging, and related businesses opened the door for us, increasing our budget by 10 times over. His close relationship with several of the C level officers and directors of the companies for which we toil has made our requests for funding nothing more than a simple phone call to various CFOs in our sector, whereas before, Dr. Emily would work for hours drafting pro forma accounting sheets and grant proposals that amounted to our barely paying the gas bill for transportation along our cross country route, as we track the elusive America taste for Boxed wine.

Brotha Mike's influence has freed up Dr. Emily's time to focus her effort on other things, when she isn't trying to offer cold comfort to Sister Ruth, who, as Jimmy puts it, "just won't be told", if you will. Ruth, and her boyfriend are convinced that she was jived out of her family's money, of which she has eaten up many years ago, when she traveled to Tibet, just after giving birth to her second child, who is doing well in the private boarding school outside Boston that Brotha (her uncle) Mike pays for her and her little sister to attend. Brotha Mike has been traveling to Huston for the past few weeks, helping to prepare evidence for an upcoming trial of certain individuals who he helped to expose a few years ago on behalf of a group of hedge fund investors and directors of a certain public company with a stock price that had "gotten ahead of itself", as Mike put it, leaving big money investors and many middle class Americans with their pensions attached to this company a little short at the end of it's wild run on the public markets.

Mike gets noticeably angry, and Dr. Emily says it "pisses him off right down to his socks" when he begins speaking about his work in Huston. In spite of the trial and sentencing of the individuals responsible for the great hoodwinking of the public market in their stock, Brotha Mike believes that it remains "a damn shame" that so many people lost so much money for trusting a group of guys who basically stole it by simply calling themselves "the smartest guys in the room" with no apparent sense of irony or modesty. Apparently, they were just showmen and snake oil salesmen, who have stolen many hard working American's futures, and those who will no doubt be called to pay in part to care for them in their retirement.

Without mercy, a small band of thieves took from the rich, and the not so rich alike, to make themselves and a select group of assistants, including band of exotic dancers a lot richer than their skill and talent would ever merit in a market place based on such things, rather than politics, strange ideologies and ideas that reduced and confused the nature of liberty, freedom to nothing much more than liberty for businesses to arranged crooked deals, and freedom to fix prices and wreck established businesses that could not squeeze enough profit from American's need for cheap energy. After a few shots of something other than Boxed Wine, of which we sledom tire, Mike opened up about his work in Huston. He reflected on what happened there, and how he felt: "when I think of all the hard working pipe fitters, garbage men, nurses and teachers who minded their business, and paid their taxes and squirreled away their savings in funds managed by sharp guys and their friends, and listened and trusted other sharp guys on the phone and in there big fancy office parks, who helped these these bums... and how they are cleaned out because nobody said the emperor had no cloths until it was way too late and losses mounted and retirees have nothing... it makes me sick. I'd like to see these guys and all their little dressed up smart ass friends who wrap themselves in the flag, and call it "the American way"... all th elittle bastards who helped them rob pensioners.... I'd like to see them all in Gitmo, with bags over their heads, right next to the POWs who raised up from the outside. These guys attacked this country from within, and it makes me so mad I can just shit!"

This group of "smartest guys in the room" worshipped Adam Smith's invisible hand, and made it something more akin to God's hand, and not simply the same rule of law that lions follow, or insects as they feed off others. This half baked religious belief in free, unfettered markets at all costs, swept the land, via its preachers in Business schools across the world, who never bothered to qualify their lectures with warnings about the events that lead to the Irish famine, where the government stepped aside at the same urgings, and let millions starve to death, or say, Russia's command economy that killed millions in the Ukraine, as grain sat in piles that would have fed them. Mike grows spitting made as he addresses the "Free markets" that personally lost him $80,000 dollars allowed this small group of "traders", steal affordable energy from the state of California, while the share price of their company rocketed. Who could have stopped it, when Wall Street's inexperienced, bought and paid for "analysts" signed off on the company's methods and their madness for lack of better terms, if you will.

It turns out that as much as it is "what ya know", it also remains "who ya know", and knowing Brotha Mike has allowed us to go from a band of merry men and women assigned to taking the pulse of the American consumer to an army of marketing research professionals, with health benefits that include dental, and eyecare, as well as retirement incentives that include 401ks that vest immediately. The increase faith from our sponsors we own in no small part to Brotha Mike's reputation which clearly precedes him. Now that we are in the black, as companies with cash bother to put it, I spend a lot of time approving or denying requests for money from our small army of market researchers, interns, catering staff, maintenance crews, security teams, teamsters and audio visual teams.

Yes, Voignier, it appears that my soaring imagination has lead me to the role of nothing more than a bean counter; this in contrast to The Little Prince who once chased his dreams to the moon, where a dying rose urged him to pay attention to the invisible things, and leave the bean counting to landlords and their tenants, the CPAs and their tax advisors, the bankers and the cashiers, the toll collectors and store clerks whose music amounts to the ringing of their cash registers. No, Voignier, it turns out that I have become that which I loath, a simple bean counter rushing recheck my figures, rather than that little French Prince I keep inside, the little guy who puts hot mustard on his Freedom Fries, and chases his dreams to the stars, his dreams of talking roses and better boxed wine, across North America and parts of Chile. Woe is me Voignier, woe is me, if you ill.

As I dole out funds for this and that necessary good or service, such as dential work for some of our workers from The Riverside Park, wose teeth of long since vanished, and the other costs that keeps our operations moving forward, our dream of a chain of boxed wine stores spreading across the nations, and parts of Chile, seems to fade like some distant memory of a half understood urge on the bus ride to school while thinking of a have rememeber bovine teenage girl one never spoke to directly in that 7th grade health class. And so, I have resolved to re-write out business plan for the great chain of Boxed Wine stores that will in time overtake the big box retailers that offer bottled wines to our core audience for Boxed blends.

Our Guests Lock Horns

2006-02-03T08:05:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier, et al.

The past few days, since the arrival of Sister Ruth to our band of researchers, interns and misc. staff have been busy. Apparently, our sponsors caught wind of our latest foray into what we have termed survellence research, if you will.

2006-01-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier,

Since our last transmission, Sister Ruth showed up to visit with Dr. Emily and her brother who have been hard at work setting up a our latest marketing study. It has caused a bit of a delay, as Ruth, Dr. Emily and out Big Brotha, if you will, have spent a lot of time catching up, and sorting out family business. Ruth, it appears has just returned from a retreat, which was intended to provide her with rest, and relaxation. Rest and relaxation appear to have fled Ruth from the first day of her arrival, when she was reunited with her siblings, who where nonetheless happy to see her, in spite of her sharp words.

Mike, for his part, had been training our staff to generate samples of ambient and spontaneous declarations by our subjects toward the products that we are offering for sample. Many of our best staff researchers have been taking to his training like ducks in water.

Much of the training amounts to placing microphones in the right places, and imparting to the staff the importance of directing their subjects to speak toward the devices, in ways that are not too obvious. Mike has not spoken with his sister Ruth, since his last post overseas, as a private contractor, working as a communications consultant to certain governmental and non-governmental agencies in Middle eastern countries, where conflict makes getting the messages right means the difference between life and death.

Dr. Emily, for her part, has been writing grant proposals for our studies of boxed wine market forces and the impact of certain stimuli on motivation and the mind of the consumer. She has also been meeting with certain university administrators to discuss our work in what's left of The Big Easy. Colleges appear less eager than ever to support the kind of product we are studying in boxed blends, which has made her job more difficult than we anticipated. Convincing officials that in vino es ver etas, where wine is not necessarily viewed as just the right medicine to heal the gulf coast's maladies. Ruth's arrival was quite a suprise to both Mike and Dr. Emily, but in Emily's case, perhaps more. It was Emily's impression that Sister Ruth was to spend several more months on retreat, if you will. It appears that in all his complicated travels, Mike had missed a few payments to Ruth's hosts, which cut short her retreat by several months.

Ruth, for her part, was accompanied by an older gent, who we were introduced as friends from a new organization she had joined since leaving the host organization Mike had been paying as regularly as sunshine, since leaving the US. The organization of course was a popular quasi-religious organization known for merchandizing books on psychology, written by it's founder, a highly successful Science fiction writer.

419: Another Winning Email!

2006-01-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

Voignier,
It looks like fortune as smiled once again this week. Mr. Willeee's email has arrived, informing us that we have another 1.5 million dollars to count, this the result of our unwitting participation in a "European Prize" lottery.

Life is indeed sweet, old friend.

EUROPEAN PRIZE AWARD DEPT. REF: EL3/9318/04 BATCH: 8/163/EL.

Dear Sir/Madam We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International programs held on the20/10/2005. Youre-mail address attached to ticketnumber :EL-23133 with serial number:EL-123542,batchnumber: EL- 35,lottery ref number: EL-9318 and drewlucky numbers: 7-1-8-36-4-22 which consequently won in the 1st category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of $1,500,000.00 (One Million,Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) $1,500,000.00 (One Million,Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) CONGRATULATIONS!!! Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. Allparticipants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 40,000 company and 20,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every year. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by a group of successful electronic dealers. we hope with part of your winning, you will take part in our next year US$20 million international lottery.

To file for your claim, please contact our paying officer: Contact Person: Williams Smith (Lottery Director) Direct Numbers; +447023051913 Email: willieee2005@yahoo.com

Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 31th of march, 2006.After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program. Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified. Yours Sincerely, Mrs.Betje Ejnar, For Management.

Dr. Frank Owusu's Appeal for Great Gains

2006-01-22T12:35:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind Remote Monitors,

Smashing news! We have another investor, this time from Liberia, who has contacted us for help and to share the rewards of his most excellent common scheme and plan. Please see below. I suggest we take all our money out of Eagle Shipping (symbol: EGLE), and leave behind the 17% yield for the following sure fire measured plan for greater gains.

Dear Friend

My name is DR Frank Owusu. the Financial Controller of the former Liberian President MR.CHARLES TAYLOR. Before he left office, he instructed me, Being his financial controller to look for a capable hand (some one) who Will invest his money one billion USD In a period of twenty years, the trustee of the money will have 10% of It and the interest will be shared fifty/fifty. The contract can be Renewed after twenty years till the problem of Mr. President will be over. So if you are prepared to work with Mr. President invest his money, Pease contact me immediately for more details. For your information we Also have a Diamond secured in a very big quantity Please kindly reply if you want to work and do business with us via This email frankowusu11@yahoo.com But Now am in Ghana.God bless you.

Thanks
Dr. Frank Owusu.

Mike and Jimmy Discuss the Party in Your Head

2006-01-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

Mike woke up this morning and unpacked his TSMC equipment, which Dr. Emily told me amounts to over $500,000 dollars worth of high tech tools used in the practice of technical surveillance counter measures, which is his trade when not overseas, consulting for goverment contractors. Emily explained that Mike mortgaged their parent's house to buy it, making back the entire sum after just 8 months working for his first clients, which included several Congressional staffers, lobbyists, C level executives of public companies, and two union leaders on the East coast. Since then, Mike has provided for Dr. Emily and Sister Ruth with regular "gifts" that have amounted to thousands of dollars per year.

After unpacking it to take inventory, Mike took the time to explain, in an informal way to some of the staff researchers from The Riverside Park and several of our struggling actors (who make up our so called "street teams" that collect opinions from our boxed wine subjects). Without going into details about his clients, Mike explained how he uses his tools and what he does in the course of his work. Jimmy's reaction was amusing. Jimmy, who has proved himself one of our most adept survey proctors, asked Mike a rather point blank question, in his trade mark disarming way, which is how Jimmy often gets answers from boxed wine consumers where others return with incomplete survey data. Jimmy asked Mike if: "all his fancy machines make him the big brother", which lead to a good sized belly laugh from Mike, both for the idea and Jimmy's delivery of the idea.

Mike's reply was sanguine: "no Jim, I'm the guy who keeps the big brother from pickin on the little guy. More often than not, we work to keep big brother from making life a living hell for little brothers". This lead the habitual wise-ass, Albert, to one of his monologues that he often recites in the manner of a waiter-actor auditioning for a customer who's identified himself as a Hollywood producer after eating his eggplant rollatini and before dessert. Once again, Albert started right in, as if on cue:

"I'll be around in the dark... I'll be everywhere.
Wherever you can look;
Wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there.
Wherever there's a cop beating up a guy, I'll be there.
I'll be there in the way guys yell when they're mad.
I'll be there in the way kids laugh when they're hungry, and they know supper's ready, and when people are eatin' the stuff they raised, and livin' in the houses they built, I'll be there, too."

Well, Mike seemd to find this enormously entertaining, revealing that he had not had this much fun since taking "R and R in the PI in 1985", to which Jimmy replied again.

Jimmy said: " well no, I don't know what ya mean Mike, but if it takes all these wires and gizmos just to make sure conversations is private, then maybe you just have to talk like Albert, like you're on stage every minute, like somebody's always watching or listening, as if somebody, somewhere always cares. It's like God, or like Shakespeare said, 'all the world's a stage', right Albert? Remember that Simon and Garfunkel song 'America' (and he began to sing, in perfect pitch, which was easy for Jimmy who had been brought up in one of Harlem's more musical churches):

Laughing on the bus Playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said be careful his bowtie is really a camera...
All gone to look for Amer ic a" .

Mike replied in deadpan fashion: "well Jimmy, you know, that's good, I didn't realize you are a singer. But ya know, I have a lot of equipment here that can do all sorts of things, but the one thing I can not do for all my training equipment is crash that party goin on in your head buddy, an I think you know what I'm talkin about"

"I do know what you mean Mike", replied Jimmy, "and there's the rub, isn't it, they can't crash the party in your head, can they Mike? I think you really are The Big Brother Mike, you're the big brother everybody wants Mike. With all these Satelite radios, and Lo Jacks, and Microwave ovens nobody understands, you're a good guy to know Mike. Do ya mind if we call ya 'The Big Brotha" Mike?"

Mike replied, "no Jimmy, I don't mind, just don't call me late when you crack open that cask of boxed wine when that Pizza gets here tonight."

"Just remember this Jimmy, there are situations where knowing me won't be a very big help to you. For example, telephone switching systems such as the AT&T 5ESS are often accessed by corporate spies (and hackers) whereupon the control programs (called "translations") are modified to allow calls to be remotely monitored. Such a tap requires only a phone line, and a laptop computer with a modem.

Such access, when gained, is exceedingly difficult to detect or to protect from. In large measure, security is the province of the telephone utility at this level precluding the implementation of outside countermeasures efforts. Security consultants and professionals with valid concerns have found it valuable to establish working relationships with telephone company security professionals where a mutual threat is realized.

Having said that, they still can't crash the party in your head Jimmy"

Dr. Emily's Brother Offers a Helping Hand

2006-01-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

Dr. Emily's older brother has joined our party to help our investigation into boxed wine consumption, and the underlying motivating factors a play among North American consumers. Dr. Emily's brother has recently returned from Turkey, were he has been employed by a government contractor as a communications expert. Mike, who'se been in the middle east for the past 2 years came to visit his sister while awaiting his deployment to another post within the middle eastern theater, if you will.

Mike was drawn to our project when Dr. Emily emailed him of the plough's progress here in New Orlean, as we host routine tastings and gather feedback from the tourist drawn here by recent events. Mike has proved himself to be a valuable asset, making suggestions and offering feedback as to the merits of our methodologies. He is a bright fellow, and a welcome addition to our team, who promises to help us explore way we might "automate" our data collection process with respect to exit polls and debriefings in the wake of our boxed wine sampling events.

Mike, who as a veterian of the US Navy and various experiences where he focused on fiber optic communications moved to the private sector several years ago before striking out on his own as a consultant offering Technical Surveillance Counter Measures. Needless to say, Mike is accustomed to earning more in a single day than we pay most of our researchers in a month, has shown himself to be good natured about the nature of our rather liquid paydays, if you will, which amount to more boxed wine sampling than cash in hand.

Most of our staff who are here from The Riverside Park have really taken to Mike, as he has offered direction in survey efforts and in setting up housing. Our sponsors have been kind enough to furnish our employees with moble home campers and we have set up a make shift community for our purpose here.

Getting the Boxed Wine Buzz Out in The Big Easy...

2006-01-13T09:33:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind monitors of our progress,

We have had a rather protracted stay in the Big Easy, if you will. Our days have been spent organizing and executing one of the largest "word-of-mouth" advertising campaigns we have ever been engaged to conduct. This is the result of a very old contact referring our writings to a leading box manufacturer in the mid-west, who called us after reviewing several of our studies in boxed wine.

What began as "just us two girls talking", if you will, because a fast friendship and business partnership which has given us a vastly larger budget to conduct our marketing maneuvers across North America, and Parts of Chile on behalf of our clients and the Boxed Wine Association of North America and Parts of Chile. It turns out that our new client is a rather avid boatsmen, which gave us many interests in common, both firm in the conviction that boat ownership is a glorious, if losing proposition, not unlike owning a proverbial hole in the water where we owners must pour our money in order to remain afloat, if you will.

In short, we are delighted by this new business purpose, and needless to say, so are our friends who reside at The Riverside Park, who have been migrating down to New Orleans over these past two weeks. Almost the entire market research team that works for us at the 79th Street Boat Basin in Manhattan has made it, and several new faces have shown up in the hopes that they can "shape the job", as they put it. Many have come by train, but most have either hitched rides along the interstate highway system, or taken the bus, where they were able to scrape of the funds, as it were.

For our part, we are not fan of the free labor model of business (as in work for free in the hope of getting paid after you get a job offer), or those that would allow their employees to audition, or "to shape the job", if you will. Rather, we insist that everyone be paid something of fair value, either it be money, goods or services, which is not problem for us with the amount of boxed wine our clients have provided for our two ongoing road shows. We are no fans of the internship of the American work force, if you will, where over-educated applicants fresh out of college are forced to volunteer to staple and stamp as they audition for a real job. This trend is also a pet point of contention for Dr. Emily's, who has asserted that she would like to see a study showing the correlation breast size and attrition to full time jobs under such conditions. And so, we pay everyone who has come down to New Orleans for work for our new buzz marketing business unit on that we have entitled, Operation Push Strings, or "P.S." if you will.

We believe it is contrary to the better angels of the so called America way to use interns or volunteers to generate income for our clients. Doubtless, America was build on untold hours of free labor in the form of slave wages over the centuries, and to deny the 40 acres and mule economy that came before us would be denying the rather gigantic elephant laying dung in the center of the room. Nevertheless, we have no desire to honor that American tradition that would amount to us bring back the bad old days of indentured servitude and slave wages. And so, everyone on our modest ship of fools is paid according to their contribution to our boxed wine marketing efforts...

Our new Buzz Marketing division is has been in operation for just over 1 week now, with a strategy that focuses on word or mouth testimonials in New Orleans area bars, restaurants and in some cases, people's homes, where folks allow us to hold Boxed Wine parties in their homes the way tupperware or Mary Kay cosmetics are distributed. We however, do not try to sell anything, but instead aim to provide kind words about the products that have ponied you the funds to allow us to do Bacchus; work for him, if you will.

Most of our workers are happy to be in a warm place, having spent November and December "camping" in The Riverside Park, and without morning breakfast and hot coffee prepared by Dr. Emily each day, as it is when we hold court at the boat basin for the warm months. They also appear happy with the compensation, including free wine, "undercover" clothing, ample food and a warm bed each night. We have taken over an entire public campground just outside the city. Operation Pushing String is well underway, in the wake of the Bush visit to New Orleans, where he sat beside the mayor, who put us in mind of a cat with a turpentine ass, as they say. We expect there is no shortage of bad blood between the folks who suffered the wrath of Katrina, and I do not think it is reading into the situation to say, Bush's visit appeared to be going as smoothly as say, a clam bake at a Kosher Butcher's convention (okay, I'll stop) And so, the George Bush we witnessed, as we spread out across the Big Easy spreading good faith for Boxed Wines, seemed as busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, if you will (sorry, last time).

In the wake of the Bush visit, we are having a pretty easy time working with the folks who have been drawn to the bar scene and restaurants. Many appear to be repeating the same thing over and over to us, and a quick eyeball analysis of the word frequency study we are putting together from our worker's notes and taped responses to our Buzz work shows the same 5 words coming up again and again in the same combination (over 84% of the time): "I could use a drink". This phrase is often (59% of the time) preceded by a "great", "cool", "Awesome", "outstanding" and two cases of "yer shittin me?".

We shall be starting a Boxed Wine Message Board, in the near future and are seeking a web manager to help run this project, one who would not mind being paid in boxed blends.

Merlot Reaches the Big Easy

2005-12-29T13:03:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind readers,

This holiday season has yielded numerous opportunities to gather significant amounts of market research related to consumer's underlying motivations and dispositions toward boxed wine. Dr. Emily and our staff have hosted several blind taste tests with the aim of finding that elusive consumption hot button, if you will that will lead North America to boxed wine merchants and distribution points throughout the country. Ralph and James ran into a minor scuffle in New Orleans when a work crew demanded third and fourth helpings of white wine samples outside the French quarter near Funkybutt, a world renown venue for music and drinking. It appears the Ralph, who was somewhat disturbed by the worker's insistence, made the offer of another drink subject to the two workers agreeing to blind fold themselves for a blind tasting test. Ralph then handed them Craw' Daddy (live) which preceded to bite their index fingers and lips. Fortunately, Mr. Ito was on hand to diffuse the situation, if you will.

Our blind taste testing revealed an interesting finding, as those who were giving the choice to "redrink"of Boxed Merlot, Boxed Chianti, Jug Red (or Dago Red, as it were), and bottled merlot options after a certain stimulus were statistically more likely to choose boxed blends over jugs or bottles. The stimulus, of course, has to remain under wraps, as it were, while we retest it to make sure the effect is in fact vigorous. Moreover, the effect will also then be a basis for our next research grant proposal, which Dr. Emily has been busy scripting between DVD rentals on our interactive research tour bus.

By the way, several of our DVD rental have proved most entertaining. Some old and some new, including The Village, Strangers on a Train, A Sheltering Sky, Washingon Heights and Laws of Gravity. I shall be reviewing these films in turn in my next study in DVD rentals.

Needless to say, our meals in New Orleans have been wonderful, and those of us who ate were quite content with the fresh oysters, Po'boy sandwitches, King cake and other regional favorites, as we prepare ourselves for Marti Gras, all death of the flesh, if you will. And we were able to supply plenty of boxed wine to wash down the hot and spicy foods.

Our time in New Orleans has proved to be most unusual. Having been here several time before, with crews of workers wrapped tight in toxic waste disposal suits with masks and heads covered tight. Clearly, much needs to be done to return the city to its former glory, however unsafe andunprotected from water based disaster threats as was made real in Katrina, to a time when eating a Hot Dog from a Hot Tog stand after a night of drinking a bit too much was the greatest health risk for a tourist, and every man was considered a king. A massive 60 foot concrete wall around the city may be the required fix. Perhaps well managed canals, like other great cities, such as Venice or Amsterdam could fix the troubles the city faces. We are not engineering experts, and shall not speculate outside our area of expertise. We shall focus these next few days on the drinking and eating offered here, even in the wake of Katrina's oddities.

Merlot hits on 16, and sticks on 17 to for greater gains

2005-12-22T23:15:00.000-08:00

Greetings Viognier and kind readers,

In spite of rumors that Sir Elton John was marrying a man in Atlanta, GA, our caravan made its way to Mississippi and met with throngs of gamblers in Biloxi, where the Imperial Palace casino reopened and we passed out generous portions of boxed wine in the parking lot. Our researchers were able to mingle quite well in the crowd of gamblers and ask good, pointed questions about the gambler's feelings toward boxed wine. As usual, the aim was to uncover the reptilian brain's deepest disposition toward our excellent boxed wine, and to thereby discover "the code" our target market of wine drinkers carries locked in their hearts and heads with respect to boxed wine. Yes, the task is a difficult and complex as it sounds, which means I and my band of hard working, self sacrificing researchers have our work cut out for us, if you will.

Approaching gamblers as a target group is a new turn for us. Yet, there is a method to our madness. Our aim is to reach potential boxed wine consumers in unguarded moments, appealing to them with simple, direct questions aimed at uncovering their deepest feelings toward drinking, wine, packaging, loss, separation, comfort, stregnth, power, mercy, love, respect, esteem and so forth. At first, our questioning was not up to snuff, as most in our sample were too polite to reveal and register anything that could be viewed as ungrateful or unthankful.

But it was Dr. Emily, who'se advanced education makes appearances at times like these, that suggested we offer wine on the way, and only ask questions about the wine on their way out of the casino, starting out questioning by asking the obvious-- "did you win anything?" The results were smashing, and well beyond a standard deviation's difference. Nobody was more shocked then Dr. Emily and I, when the results began to pour in. Andy, one of our superior polling staff found that among gambling winners, the fact that boxed wine is served from a box made very little difference. Statements such as the following show the general indifference toward brand, or delivery device: "doesn't matter to me", "I don't care", "I'm cool with that", "I'll get over the cork" and "I can live with it".

We were also lucky to have met Jake Wasserstien, a student and devotee of Dr. Robert Moore, a leading psychologist who, according to the reading materials he handed Dr. Emily (who did not gamble today) "specializes in the optimizing of masculine selfhood and leadership. He is the leading expert on contemporary masculine initiation and maturation. Along with Robert Bly, Dr. Moore is widely considered to be a pioneering visionary of the international men's movement." Jake offered his view on boxed wine, and on the crowd behavior toward out researchers, and the free samples. Jake observed how certain "alpha males", as he called them avoided both samples and our questioning on the subject; while other, "less alpha" males appeared to linger longest at the sample tables in direct proportion to their lower status. Jakes comments were welcome, but a bit off the mark, as the data poured in, if you will.

We found a significant increase in negative statements toward the packaging and brand issues among gamblers who admitted to having lost money on a net basis. Statements included: "boxed wine sucks", "boxed wine is for cheapskates", "boxed wine is for broke asses", and "boxed wine is the poor man's buzz". These statements show something ingrained, which appears to be expressed more quickly when subject customers are under stress, guilt, shame, regret and overall remorse. We believe we are one to something, here at the casino.

Tally Ho the fox!

ps. I won $4,494 dollars hitting on 16 and sticking on 17 on the black jack tables, before winning another $2,203 at dice, where we played the 6 and 8 on the coops side of the table, as our staff gathered data.

Merlot's Search for the Truth about Boxed Wine

2005-12-20T22:44:00.000-08:00

Greeting Voignier, et. al:

We have not traveled far since our last communication. We have however spent several days at Auburn University in Montgomery Alabama, where we have landed to conduct an extensive study of the student's likes and dislike in the boxed wine area. Apparently our sponsors approved of our ideas regarding our efforts to break the code of boxed wine, if you will. We have taken the time to brainstorm a new methodology for getting to, and exploring the animating emotional energies within our target market subjects, the drinking masses of American college coeds. And so, we have parked the bus, if you will, and are digging in to find the bottom of our subjects hearts on the subject tour.

Our benefactors, for their part, have sent us several thousand additional gallons of wine to distribute to students in a series of sponsored holiday parties, after which we have begun offering hot morning breakfasts, which serve our operation as a debriefing period, where our teams of researchers are able to blend in, as students, and "direct" the conversation to address the student's deepest feelings toward boxed wine.

The aim, of course is to find what is "on code", and what is "off code" in the marketing of boxed wines, the trigger, if you will, which we may pull to increase the profitablity of our sponsor companies. The research is difficult, particularly since our researchers do not appear to blend very well, which has required that we create better cover stories, which student "buy into" if you will, in order to communicated with them when they are off guard, and revealing the truth about boxed blends. Dr. Emily has the look of a graduate student, which makes students a little bashful about discussing their experience from the night before, particularly as several passed out in the frat houses, or slept out, or slept in bath tubs or woke up by the lake, in several cases. And so, we are doing it by the seat of our pants, making it up as we go along.

For example, Ralph is presenting himself as a Hobo, who engadges students with humor on their way out to and from the free breakfast. Ralph, who has live for a considerable period of time "unsheltered" in The Riverside Park, on Manhattan's west side has been able to gather an remarkable amount of good qualitative information about how these Auburn. Moreover, as a sometime working actor, Ralph is able to appeal to students in various dialects, and regional accents. Ralph's authenticity goes a long way toward reaching our subject when their guards are not up, and has allowed him to uncover some extraordinary observation about student's views of boxed wine. For example, when he has asked the opened ended question "how is this shit?" while holding an near empty cask of boxed wine, Ralph was able to gather a range of reactions on his digital recorder. Several students registered strong reaction toward the boxed itself as an inferior delivery device in their view (including "that stuff was warm tiger piss", and "I'd rather eat de ass outta a dead skunk") Others however, appear to have registered the converse just as strongly ("It was great! Stuff was like liquid Viagra! I might even buy it sometime" and "it was good and plenty and the price was right"). However, it was the overall indifference of the majority that was most telling from out point of view.

What this demonstrates is the opportunity to cultivate and harvest positive emotional responses toward boxed blends. This was further suggested by student's reply to Ralph's rather open ended if forward question: "so did the wine help make you lucky last night". We calculated favorable replies in 71 percent of those asked, while 48 percent replied affirmatively to the question: "did the wine make the going more easy?"

Merlot's Approach to the Dragons of Eden

2005-12-15T13:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind Readers,

Last night was uneventful. The university dean of students with whom we ate and drank, while Mike and Ronbo distributed boxed wine to an estimated 40% of his student body, was a rather ego intensive person. As he spent most of the night expending a great deal of effort to capture the attention of Dr. Emily, who was more than happy to discuss the Dobe !Kung culture of Africa's Dobe region of Botswana, our researchers held wine tastings, and inteviews with students at various stages of their intoxication. For his part, it appears our dean had spent some time there studying Dobe !Kung economics, the details of which he was quite proud to present to Dr. Emily, myself and the three tables of diners around us. It was quite a relief, have had my ears talked off by Dr. Emily over the past three days, as we have toured from college to college on the Magic Bus, if you will. The dean's rapt attention was a welcome diversion from the cabin fever Dr. Emily were feeling toward each other and the others on the bus, which lately lead us to referring to each other by the pet names "jack ass" and "booze-hound", along with the preposition "shut up", often through clenched teeth. And so this dinner was a welcome change.

As those two spoke of the nuts, yams, and giraffe meat upon which the Dobe (click)Kung live, I was free to observe and speculate as to which brands of wine in our restaurant were "on code" if you will, and which were clearly "off code". Next, I made an effort to determine which wine brands were near code, and which were just off center from code. "Code" of course is a term of art, an industry term we marketing experts use to distinguish which products and more at issue, which brands penetrate the American consumer's mind to reach and tickle the reptilian brain, which is the driver of human kind's deepest emotions. The theory, of dubious origins was hatched and is being promoted by various well healed French psychiatrists, German semoticians, Dutch deconstructionists and American behavioral psychologists, amouts to this: find out what makes a product on code, and consumers will fall deeply and hopelessly in love with your brand, which will allow you to charge your client a reasonable percentage of a very large number of unit sales, as the free spending American consumer goes ass wild, falling over each other to buy it. iPod is a good example of such a brand, along with the wide mouthed Avian water, the Prada handbag, the Movado watch and the Startac cellphone, which has been reborn as the Moto Razor if you will.

What these products have in common, according to these code theories, if you will, is their brand's ability to reach into the consumer's "reptile mind," a concept popularized by the late, great Carl Sagan, via his billions and billions paperbacks, which outlined his bastardized theories of human brain evolution,making "the reptile mind story" an easy pitch for marketers to convey to the MBAs who sign our checks, and measure the size, weight, time to market and number of things we sell. In his perfect airport read, Dragon's of Eden, Sagan laid a highly entertaining foundation for marketing researchers to construct a fabulous castles in the sky extending high into the air like sharp edges of Gothic churches, built in a time when responsible bands of men threw their passions to the heavens in stone, as if to show their God what men can do when guided by a new faith in themselves, and in reason, along with sharper swords, more powerful arrows, better ploughs, and grander schemes with democratic tendencies.

Our challenge Voignier, is to find the code for wine, and more particularly boxed wine, and to advise our clients to offer boxed wine that is on code if you will. If we can do so, I believe we can finally get through to the America consumer that wine can be, and should be a viable option to accompany every meal. That the consumer is king and is queen, and as king or queen, he or she can, and should drink anything they wish. In a nation where that has made every man and woman a king or queen, and given them enough disposable income to pick and choose as kings and queens of yesterday's means of production, boxed wine should be the nectar of their choosing. We must make boxed wine less a choice than the default choice of millions, the first "flavored water" if you will, the life blood of living well, without shame, like a French Noble, Arab Prince, Friend of Bill, or C Level officer brandishing a charge card attached to OPM (other people's money) if you will.

Finding the code is no small task. We can only speculate without putting in service our team of marketing researchers from The Riverside Park, and Boat Basin. With just 8, we can hardly hope reach the reptilian minds of our Ameican college students. And so, we shall request more money to hire our teams, as we construct a methodology for the study of boxed wine brands that are on code, off code and can be brought up to code, if you will. I shall request 500,000 dollars from our sponsors, and will let you know their reply as soon as I am able to state the case for our search for the code that will make boxed wine a break out beverage, putting Lite beer in the dust bin of history, where it most certainly belongs.

Merlot Talks Turkey, and Cheese

2005-12-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kindly Literati,

After our protracted film festival, through which I personally slept the sleep of a King, we returned to the road. I was not alone, as Mike slept most of the time as well. He appears to have poisoned himself with brandy, the result of the night's party before.

Frankly, I was at a loss when Dr. Emily asked me to sum up and review the repertory of films she selected for our time on the road last night. Dr. Emily was disappointed but was quick to let go of any residual ill will when she began to compare and contrast Dr. Zhivago and Reds for their portrayals of the Russian revolution, and the series of events leading to that country's transition from Tzarist feudal nation to s supreme Soviet empire of "communism," if you will. It turns out the Dr. Emily would not, and took the better part of 2 hours, outlining the reasons why the Soviet Union was a failed attempt at what she called "true communism," with a kind of religious reverence. She would have finished, I suspect after just one hour, but my unfortunate observation that "Karl Marx died penniless, leaving a wife and several children destitute."

It was then that Dr. Emily stated that "Freedom is an illusion," as we passed a large sandwich shop with parking enough for our bus and escort cars. "True communism could free man from the chains of private property, but has never been tried to any measure of success," she continued. I agreed that it had been tried, many times, and never with any measure of success, and replied with the simple statement: "'Utopia,' is Latin for 'No-place', as Sir Thomas More was well aware when he wrote his seminal novel about the hopes and dreams of mankind."

It was the kind of conversation Dr. Emily and I have from time to time, which usually ends with a big meal of something commercially prepared by an independent food operator, to be washed down with cold boxed wine. This time was not exception. This time it was Submarine, or "Grinders" as she calls them, having been raised on Boston's Beacon Hill for much of her early life, which was a short distance form Boston's General Hospital, where her father worked. Apparently, Dr. Emily was a prodigy in those days, and grew accustom to long philosophical discussion with her father. It was before Sister Ruthie was adopted. Perhaps these talked remind Dr. Emily of those happer times, when the future held so much promise, and ideas were footholds along a trail to the top of some outsized mountain where sherpas make a living helping visitors make their way to high places. These conversations are a nice counterpoint to all the relationships we both of with our friends who occupy society's lower depths, if you will.

Lunch, however, was the thing that was in the front of my mind after the second hour of discussion, which I believe Dr. Emily observed in my eyes. And so, the pizza shop was the perfect ending to yet another protracted discussion of political economy, which take place before noon. Political economy does not lend itself to discussion once boxed wine is being served, which is always after noon, where Dr. Emily is concerned. And so, we ordered and photographed our lunch with a camera that we have still not figured out how to set, or use to full advantage. The boxed wine we used to wash it down was white wine, which offered the perfect tonic to the meal. It hinted of smoke salmon, peaches and lead pencils, oddly enough.

Merlot Journey Through Russia with Mike Drinking

2005-12-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind Readers,
Today was an odd Sunday, after a rather long party night last, where "Mike Dryer," spent the night distributing boxed wine to students at the Yeshivah Gedolah Rabbinical College, which as largely uneventful until the paid strippers arrived. It turned out that Ronbo has called at the suggestion of one of the students who had half jokingly said: "when do the nude dancers get here?" Seeing an opportunity to hire one of his close friends and her small service, Ronbo too the liberty of calling nude girls to dance before a group of 40 students studying to become rabbis.

To our surprise, the dancers were met with enthusiasms. When we asked a pointed question about the moral climate this had created, or lack thereof, one student replied: "adultery was traditionally defined as a sexual act only with a married woman," an assertion that we subsequently "googled". Ronbo's little assault on the Yeshivah was "an average night" according to Candy, Ronbo's friend who had collected and divided up the tips to the workers, and to Ronbo, as we observed near the men's room after the dancing was done. Dr. Emily retired to the bus, stopping off at a local video store where she rented several films for viewing on the bus, which came in handy as we took to the road. Mike, had discharged his duties well, up to 1am, which is about the time his drinking caught up with him. This was revealed when Mike dropped his flask while upchucking over a rail.

The second surprise of the night turn out to be the fact that Mike's a drinker, if you will, and not the boxed wine in moderation kind of drinker, but more of the Christian Brothers Brandy-from- a- small flask- until- blacking-out kind of drinker. Mr. Ito, who is an avid non-drinker, save green tea (but not after 6pm), "walked" Mike back to the bus, slapping him about the ears, neck and face several times to keep him awake enough to diffuse some of the weight of his carry. The task was left to Mr. Ito because Ronbo had left the party to drive Candy and her friends back to the bus station. Mr. Ito for his part took it in stride, remarking "it's okay Merlot, I know what gold does to men's souls."

Today, we watched several films of Dr. Emily's choosing. The first was a classic, starring Humphrey Bogart: The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which proved ironic when one of the characters in the film repeated Mr. Ito's remark about gold. The second movie proved long and panoramic, the 1965 effort by David Lean entitled Doctor Zhivago, which took us on a long journey across Russia and back, which was suitable, matching our long ride aboard the "mother ship" as we've taken to call our magic boxed wine distribution vehicle. We slept through most of the film, which made it difficult to discuss it meaningfully with Dr. Emily before she put in the third film, and as she rolled the pizza dough she had bough to feed to make lunch for the crew. We served a dry red boxed wine with our pizza, which had goat cheese (from Coach farms in New England), basil and garlic and fresh pesto, made with walnuts, rather than pine nuts.

The third film, Reds, was Warren Beatty's opus about John Reed, an American who witnessed the Russian revolution in 1917. It was James Hunter, one of our Riverside Park researchers who notice that the circa WW1 apartment in the film had an air conditioner in the window, which had not been invented yet.

The films and the goat cheese pizza took much of the hangover off, along with the boxed red, which proved a tonic, the hairs of the dog that bit us, if you will. Mike, who awakened well into the third movie did not appear to feel well, as he upchucked out of the bus' bathroom window.

Merlot's Task Widens

2005-12-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and kind readers,

Yesterday we were made aware of the true nature of our task here on the road. Things were made clear as we pulled into University of Miami, where upon parking Michael Dryasdust made a short speech concerning our respective roles. It appears that Michael from this day forward wants to be known by an alias, "Mike Dryer", and his title will not be "Road Manager", but Director of Public Communications. His role will be approaching sorority houses to offer free boxed wine for company sponsored frat and sorority parties. "Mike", if you will, made it clear that nobody on the bus was authorized to offer college students boxed wine except for himself, under his assumed name.

Dr. Emily and I exchanged knowing glances, as "Mike" continued, and we wondered where this new skullduggery would end. My task, as it turns out, shall be administrative relation", as he put it and to generally "backstop the operation" as he put it, as if quoting from a Tom Clancy novel. My duties will require that I meet with university leaders to assure them that our efforts will not corrupt the youth, if you will, and to "keep their names out of the paper". And under not circumstances shall our boxed wine campaign on their campus lead to negative publicity, which "will close us down faster than a gang rape at a hockey team party," as Mike put it, as if speaking from experience. It was at this point that Dr. Emily attempted to excuse herself and leave the bus, to which Mike placed himself in front of the door, with his new personal assistant and "Director of Security Services", Ronald Bodean, (or "Ronbo" as we were encouraged to call him), a retired police officer of some kind, with a kind of cowboy's sense of style. And what happened next we as if we were watching a dream.

As Dr. Emily attempted to excuse herself in pass Mike, he turned and flashed Ronbo a nod, which lead Ronbo to raise his hand to constrain Dr. Emily, in a forceful, if polite way, as he uttered "now wait a second mame..." . What happened next is something of a blur, because it happened with such speed, and presice execution that I am not sure I saw what I think I saw. It seems that Mr. Ito had been standing just a short distance in the most unobtrusive way. I can only say that he was virtually invisible to me, until his left hand lashed out and made contact with Ronbo's Adam's apple, if you will. Mr. Ito, apparently perceived a threat, and responded reflexively, as his martial art train had lead him to respond. Ronbo, for his part, double over, and sat down in the front seat of the bus, facing forward, resigned to let Dr. Emily pass, and leave the bus. When done moving, Mr. Ito wound up squarely behind Mike, who was unaware of what transpired, until the driver opened the bus door. When Mike turned, in anger, he was standing face to face with Mr. Ito, he stopped short in the middle of what appeared to be an angry fit toward Dr. Emily, who was by now off the bus. Clearly, Mr. Ito would be playing a key role in tour security.

As Mike recovered himself and continued his "short outline", I was directed to give myself a new, technology related title and a new name, by which I should conduct business for our sponsor. And so, apparently, the task requires that we mislead university provost, chancellors, deans and bursars on a regular basis, which was troubling for us, from an ethical standpoint. When I raise questions, Mike handed me his cellphone, and directed me to talk to "sMurf," or Thomas Murphy, the director of security for our sponsor. "The sMurf", as he is called in the halls of power at the company and inside Washington's beltway, explained that the company had indeed directed Mike to explain these measures in his own ham fisted way. Smurf assured me that a d/b/a had be established for me to use in this regard and that the joint venture that had been formed to diffuse liabilities among the companies sponsoring our tour. He instructed me, over speaker-cell phone that I would be known as Frode Wallhour, Director of Disruptive Techonologies in the course of my business. Furthermore, Mr. Ito, was to be called Mr. Kato Greenburg, and our staff of researchers from The Riverside Park was to be doulbed, creating 4 more jobs for our friends from across the West Side Drive, who are currently making an adiquate living collecting bottles and cans in Manhattan. When I explained that hiring them would disrupt our core business, which is to collect data about wine consumption in Manhattan, he balked, and demanded that we get 4 more "bodies on that bus by Friday".

Truthfully, this did take us aback, and we promised him that we would have to give it some thought before proceeding, as which point he offered to double our consulting fees, to which we asked to speak with in-house corporate counsel before excepting. And he immediately transferred our call. After speaking at length, and review certain provisions to "hold harmless", we agreed to proceed.

And so, last night, we began our mission, which we christened "boxedops," in a half humorous allusion to "Mike Dryer's" lingo, which appears enmeshed in a National Security ethos. Three things happened. First we doubled Mr. Ito's salary and promoted him to the title "Security Director", choosing the active voice, over the more passive "Director of Security" which was given and withdrawn from "Ronbo". Second, we ran out of boxed wine, which lead to a minor SNAFU, which Mike and Ronbo were assigned to "fix fast at any cost", by The Smurf, who is apparently the true director of Boxedops going forward, in spite of Mike's chagrin. The frat party had apparently turned into quite a hit, where the children of several notable celebrities and public figures showed up after recieving text messages to the effect that Boxedop v.001 was a "kickin party" that was "off the hook," if you will.

And third, Dr. Emily and I spent the entire evening "cooling, our marks" if you will, the Dean of Students, Barnard Childs and his wife Rebecca, and the Chancelor, David Jontz, with his wife Carol, at Joe's Stone Crab at South Beach, where we discussed and sampled the most expensive wines in the house, until the administrators and their wives requested to be driven home by Gary, our personal assistant with an very good knowledge of Miami streets, having served on the Miami Police department for 15 years. Gary later reported that he was requested to drop the party of four off at an after hours club that he was not aware existed.

Merlot Takes to Shore...

2005-12-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind Readers,

This morning we are finalizing the details of our recent deal with a leading boxed wine producer and one of the world's premier manufacturers of boxes for boxed wines. The wine maker and the packaging company have retained us to take our show on the road, if you will. More specifically, they have offered us a good amount to tour college campuses throughout the United States in a large and completely built out bus with all the comforts of our great watercraft. I shall be accompanied by Dr. Emily, three researchers and of course Mr. Ito.

The companies have also hired a road manager, Michael Dryasdust, who has experience with these sort of promotional efforts. Michael's great great grandfather was Rev. Dr.Jonas Dryasdust, to whom Sir Walter Scott dedicated several of his most excellent novels, including "Ivanhoe." Upon our first meeting, Michael attempted to "lay down rules of the road" that included, 1. no smoking on the bus; 2. no 'cussing'; 3. no raising of voices; 4. no sex on the bus ; 5. no coffee ; 6.no distributing wine without accounting for it ; 7. no wine drinking..." It was at that point that Brian, one of more hard working research assistants who lives part of the year in The Riverside Park, just below Grant's Tomb, punched Michael Drayasdust directly on his jaw. Michael, for his part, being well above 6 feet tall and upwards of 240 lbs recovered like a ox, as if swatting off a fly.

However, as Michael turned to strike Brian, Mr. Ito stepped in, laying Michael directly on his back, and striking him several times about the solar plexus (apparently some sort of major "Chakra" as Mr. Ito later put it). These blows immediately drained Michael Dryasdust both of his breath, his rules of the road, and his fight, upon which Jake opened a box of Rose and distributed a carton of Camel, no filters. Last year, it was Jake, working hand in glove with Brian to uncover evidence from the dumpster of one of New York's leading restaurants had been using large bottles of Pinot Grigio wine to refill smaller bottles of Chardonnay of resale to customers. With this evidence, we were able to approach the restaurant marketing department, and negotiate a 5 year deal to conduct research, and promote their brand at our boxed wine tastings.

Our Tour bus will carry casks of boxed wines to distribute to college students across the US for consumption at frat parties, social events and local bars. The goal is to generate interest not only in the blends, but in boxed wine packaging as "an alcohol delivery device," as one executive put it, the graduate of the business division of a rather large private university with a storied past. We were also quite surprised, and bored to learn that he as not a wine drinker, having sworn off alcohol as an undergraduate, when he "made the cut" for his college wrestling team, a story that he told as if it were the story of our founding fathers. Luckily, his immediate boss cut his story short before finished recounting every win in the course of his four years.

Dr. Emily, for her part, has been given a cellphone, with lists of bars within walking distance of campuses, and a monthly stipend to contact them in advance to generate interest.

We will be leaving our watercraft in St. Augustine, Florida and beginning our road tour by heading south to University of Miami before heading north and west toward California. Sister Ruth, who apparently discovered our plan to head south, will be boat sitting with the children, who will be home schooled by Dr. Carol Crundle, a dear friend who took her Phd with Dr. Emily at The Columbia University's Anthropology department in the early 1980s. Dr. Carol will be instructing the children using http://www.ablazeacademy.com/, an online home schooling service to supplement their learning.

Our Communication from Dr. Okuna...

2005-12-01T10:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Voignier and Kind readers,

Luck, that most fickle and finicky lady has once again visited our watercraft, on our way to Puerto Rico as we pass the straits of Delaware, where we shall be disembarking for lunch and fuel, a none too de minimus expense on our journey south this years. What follows is a highly confidential matter, concerning a leading African political figure who has made us an outstanding offer.

While we are not inclined to count our chickens before they hatch, as it were, we do like the sound of his offer to pay us well from a secret slush fund he garnered while leading south Africa, before misfortune burrowed her way into his life, deposing him from office.

Please review these upcoming business deal, which will serve to finance our start up expenses, which we line up industry backing and raise additional capital for our chain of Box Wine Stores from Key West to Portland, Maine.

Regards,

I remain,

Merlot

______________________

From: okuna williams [mailto:okuna_williams@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 2:08 AM
To: okuna_williams@hotmail.com
Subject: Please keep this information secret

My name is Okuna Williams the adviser to the Labour minister and the
chief campaign manager for the AFRICAN NATIONAL CONGRESS the rulling
party in south Africa.

Some of the big wigs have secretly declared their intentions to contest
the presidential elections under our great party after the ex-deputy
president was deposed from power and from all indications one of the prominent
minister is highly tipped to assume power since the current president
will not be eligible to contest.

For electoral expenses the party has mapped out some substantial
amount of amount money in us$ and a couple of us campaign officials have
concluded plans to part with some of this fund for our private use and

since the fund is in an escrow account here in south Africa we will
require the assistance of a foreign partner to help us execute this
transfer to his personal or company nominated account anywhere in the
world until our arrival for disbursement.

If you are interested in assisting us in this transaction, get back to
me via my email contact, so that we can negotiate percentage and put the
process in motion as every modus orpandi is completed.

Its also wise I notify you that this transactions is 100% risk free
on your part as long as you will follow our instructions or that of our
financial adviser whom I will introduce to you in due time.

Find it worthy to send your personal telephone and fax numbers for
easy and confidential communications

Looking forward to your reponse.

Regards
Dr Williams Okuna..

Merlot's Journey to Florida Along the Intercoastal...

2005-12-01T00:15:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind readers,

As you are aware, we have undertaken our annual trip from the 79th Street Boat Basin along the Intercoastal on our way to Puerto Rica and the US Virgin Islands for the winter. We had our work cut out for us in storing the many casks of boxed wine we have been paid for our market research and consulting to leading industry producers.

Much of our supply is being carried by neighboring boats that are also moving along the coastline, south to warmer latitudes. Mr. Ito played a key role in organizing the transfer of casks from our watercraft and storage container to other boats, using his Amega computer, which is refuses to trade in for the laptop we bought for his task, having sold several hundred shares of our Deigo holdings (symbol DEO), for the purpose.

I shall remain in contact, reporting as we chug along the coastline searching for warmer weather, and keep you post as to our progress. We shall be expanding our market research along the way, as several of our excellent researchers living in The Riverside Park have chosen to join this year's caravan. We have not invited, or shall we say told Sister Ruth abour our leaving. Rather, we shall leave word with Mr. Ito, who will stay behind to tie up loose ends, if you will.

Homer Makes Contact

2005-11-27T11:17:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind readers,

Homer's speech last night was a well attended disaster, as a group of provocative hecklers from The Riverside Park showed up with signs, and banged pots and pans for Hillary Clinton (more in the spirit of hoax, than genuine support). And so, Homer was not able to get a word out, and ultimately lost his temper, turned entirely red about he neck and face, yelled in the manner of a mad man fending off delirium, and rushed the group, swinging an unopened cask of box Rose wine. Homer's flight was captured on digital video by Ryan, who was not just the architect of the Hillary Clinton rally at the Boat Basin, but also its project manager, if you will. Ryan had organized this assault on Homer's speech as the latest volley in an ongoing war of practical joking that periodically brings Homer out of his Central Park town house on a search and destroy mission to The Riverside park in the earliest hours of the morning to find and foul Ryan's sleeping quarters.

As it turns out, we had several VIP (including the daughter of the richest man in Japan) in attendance at the basin for our Martin Ritt Film Rep, who brought with them their own security teams, who were decidedly no appraised of the running joke between Homer and Ryan's band of merry pranksters, which made extra work for Mr. Ito, who was forced to explain and diffuse the situation as Homer moved off the stage toward the group of "protesters" lead by Ryan and his video cams. Events made a rough day for Mr. Ito, who subsequently lost his voice trying to quell the situation.

Homer did make contact several times as he swung his cask of boxed wine. He hit three people in the audience, none of whom were part of Ryan's group of hecklers. The first two heads upon which Homer made contact were a playwrite who goes by the name Purple Onion, and his life partner who is simply known as Just John, a performance artist that Mr. Onion met in Tompkins Park riots several years back, when both men fled the police and ended up sharing a night of romance in the subway system. We were offered the details of their personal histories as they sat with EMS recounting what happened for the NYPD, with the police playing a kind of game whereby each new officer on the scene had been prepped to ask Mr. Onion and Just John to repeat their account of what happened largely for entertainment purposes. It seems that Puple Onion's lisp, combined with the fact that he was soaked with Rose boxed wine, and with an inability to tell the facts of the situation without drudging up a rather lurid historical account of his life each time he was asked, which he fought over with his life partner, Just John, who seemed to disagree with everything Mr. Onion claimed.

Unfortunately, we were forced to sit with Mr. Onion and Just John for more than 2 hours, as the films ran for the rest of our guests. The police required that we provide facts for their report. Just John, who spent much of the night on his cell phone, asserted that he had been talking to his attorney, who assured him that he had a good case against, Homer, Ryan and perhaps the entire Boat Basin, once the criminal aspect of the wrong doing was settled.

And so we sat and sat, along with the third person upon whose head, Homer made contact with that cask of boxed Rose, Alexa Sunday, a adult film star and performance artist who is also the Granddaughter of Reverend Billy Sunday who is famous for his quote regarding the trial of Nicola Sacco, and Bartolomeo Vanzetti in the 1920s upon hearing their dubious death sentence: "Give em’ the juice, burn them if they are guilty, I a’m tired of hearing these foreigners, these radicals, coming over here and telling us what to do".

Alexa, of course had her own personal history to share, in spite of our better efforts to change the subject on her, just as we had done with Mr. Onion and Just John. Alexa explained that she had only recently gained enough courage to start going to parties again, having been "phobic" and traumatized after her boyfriend, a drummer for a casino in Las Vegas had run off with the realtor who leased him his temporary housing there. Alexa took great pains to explain that in spite of her job as an exotic dancer at a major venue in New York and "on the web", she finds it hard to meet people who look "beyond the bodacous boob job and tight tooshie" as she put it.

It turned out that this boxed wine fiasco was her first party in 11 months; and she was struck about the head while in the middle of what she described as a great conversation with Mort Waxman, an attorney with whom she said she would have loved to "knock boots." And as if by magic, Mort Waxman, Esquire appeared at Alexa's elbow, where he remained the rest of the night, offering to pay for her to go for a medical exam, and taking digital photographs of her in her soggy clothes, as she sat, giving her police interview. For our part, we tried to remain polite, and assured Alexa several times that none of what she disclosed was suprising, and may be expected, giving the nature of her work. Mr. Waxman, in turn spent much of his time between taking photos asking us who sponsored the event, where Homer and Ryan reside, and who owns the property on which Homer connected with Alexa, Purple and Just John's heads as he flip out and ran amok with his cask of boxed wine. Toward Mr. Waxman, we dummied up, if you will.

We found it odd, that these people, brained with boxed wine, and filing police reports, were so compelled to tell their personal stories, as if driven by some need to be understood or to share their personal narratives; and in doing so seeking a kind of loose justice perhaps. We could not help but to think that their grasp at our ears was a kind of reach for some sort of cathartic state, or perhaps absolution, as if to make the tragic aspect of their condition all the more tragic in light of their personal context.

We sat, patiently, waiting for them to "let it all hang out," if you will, as we effectively missed the first film and most of the meal that our guests enjoyed. Homer was taken into custody, while Ryan and his band of hucksters were released, as apparently it is not a crime to bait an unstable mind into assaulting innocent bystanders. It was a most disappointing time for us, as we counted the seconds to we were permitted to return to our party, our guests and our boxed wines, Vermont and New York state cheeses, smoked meats and roasted vegitables, flavored foul, and Coco Bread served by one of our favorite catering services, Bumba-Clot Catering of West 116th Street, which did an outstanding job. By 11pm our trouble was resolved, and we were able to return to the outing, as the film Sounder had started, one of Martin Ritts best efforts, which is sometimes called "socialism's Ol' Yeller".

Merlot's Tribute to Martin Ritt's Films, and Homer's Talk

2005-11-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and kind readers,

These past few days have meant a general stuffing of ourselves at the Basin, as we have eaten and drank many times our fill, feeding off leftovers for turkey, sting beans, cranberry, pumpkin and other seasonal favorites. This evening, we shall be hosting a repertory of the films of Martin Ritt. Our guests will be bringing their wives to the event, unlike the pokerpaluzza we recently hosted. We have invited several of New York's leading critics, artists, intellectuals and economists, including the great granddaughter of Edward Bellamy, as well as Homer Bathe, the foremost authority on the Anarchism, having written a seminal tomb on the subject, and which is still used as part of Columbia University's "beyond the core" curriculum. Homer will be giving talk before the films this evening concerning the movement to roll back the feminization politics in America, something I am sure at least a few of our guests shall be happy to entertain, as I shall be on conference call with a certain benefactor on the Dark continent who has offered us financing for our chain of boxed wine stores.

The Martin Ritt films we have selected for viewing include three of his best: First, The Molly Mcguires, a visceral, grittily authentic drama about the exploitation of Irish immigrant miners in the centennial America of 1876, which was a commercial flop. Second, "The Long Hot Summer", which was based upon 6 writings by William Faulkner, including our favorite, "Barn Burner". Third, The Brotherhood, starring Kirk Douglas as a Mafia Don which circles many of the conflict America faced in the 60's; Fourth, Sounder, a story of sharecroppers in 1930s Louisiana featuring an outstanding sound track, Sixth, The Front, the story of a black listed film writer starring Woody Allen, and Finally, Nuts, the story of a working girl's brush with the law and her past, starring "Babs" Striesand, if you will. I expect this series, which shall be shown over two days, will bring about very lively dialogue among our visitors, particularly as our boxed wine offerings lubricate the free expression and exchange of ideas if you will. Mr. Ito shall remain alert in the event that one or more of our guests are given to fisticuffs, as was the several evenings ago when a debate about red states and blue states lead to a free for all, at the end of which only Mr. Ito was standing, and helping pull several drunk guests out of the Hudson.

My staff of Sanitation researchers has selected a case of Rose boxed wine to start off the celebration, and ready our guests for Homer's commentary. Knowing that Homer is rather long winded, they have selected something with a higher alcohol level than otherwise (11% by vol.) It turns out that the staff recalled Homer from his last talk, which urged our guests to vote for Ralph Nader which ended with our staff chanting "Al Gore and the Marine Corp", in an effort to "take the piss out of Homer," as it was put by Ryan, one of the more jovial researchers at the Basin. Al Gore, having caught word of this event was disappointed to find our researchers carrying signs, two of which read: Ralph Nader: "For the People" and Ralph Nader, No 'Occidental' Pres!

Gore stopped for a brief time seeing this display, refused a glass of boxed wine, and left to laughter and jeers with quite a frown on his face for the experience. Ryan it appears was also the architect behind this skullduggery with Mr. Gore. Homer, having caught word of this in his Central Park Apartment, hired two toughs to track down Ryan's tent in The Riverside part and cut it to ribbons as Ryan was out gathering bottles, cans, and boxes for recycling and boxed wine marketing research purposes. This has lead to a a good natured feud between the two, leading to overlapping practical jokes, which should lead to some sort of surprise prank this evening related to Homer's commentary.

Recovery in the Boat Basin

2005-11-24T22:26:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and friends,

Please pardon our recent lapse since the protracted annual "Pokerpaluzza" gathering here at the Basin, which hosted so many guests that the authorities arrived to curb out event, as we exceeded the maximum capacity for the docks. Our recovery was rather extended because it turned out to be literally just that, with several of guests actually drinking so hard as to "hit bottom" as it's said, winding up in session with Dr. Mike, discussing such things as biological disposition to spirits, the nature of responsibility, so called, "tough love," co-dependency, and the 12 steps to freedom. Dr. Emily and Mr. Ito did a wonderful job at drying out these individuals over the past two days, and getting them into consultation with Dr. Mike about their drinking and substance abuse.

Each year, our annual gathering brings such issues to a head for many, as many guests are pushed out of their comfort zone into the land of beyond the golden mean, where excess is the order of things. Our boxed wine pokerpaluzza plays a key role in the lives of several of our guests recovery as the step before the first of the required 12 steps to the freedom that going without can provide some.

Merlot's Road Movie Screeings, and Poker Party

2005-11-21T21:01:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier, and Kind readers,

This evening, we have resolved to entertain at the Basin with tastings and screenings of several classic films, including three so called "Road" movies staring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour. In attendance were several influential media executives, entertainers, television personalities, news writers, new readers, tax accountants, a golf pro, several dozen Ford Agency Models, high ranking officials from the Mayor's office, journalists from the New York Times, The Post and Daily News.

The films of course, were back drop, as wall paper with motion. Most of our guests spent time socializing and discussing everything under the sun. It was a rather welcome counterpoint to our recent domestic troubles here aboard our watercraft, as our guests sample a wide variety of North America's leading boxed wines. By 9pm, poker tables had been set up for certain of our more sporting guests, which subsequently lead to a run on area ATM machines, if you would. Cash was indeed king at the boat basin this evening, as several of our guests were beaten down to their socks.

At several tables, the conversation turned from sports, business and womanizing to politics, which in turn lead to several heated discussions about Paris, Bagdad and, at one point, Lima, Peru. Mr. Ito for his part, was superb, as he was called upon to exercise his advanced judo skill to break up two fellows who found themselves down on their luck, but on separate sides of the blue state, red state cultural wars. Nevertheless, judging from the number of empty casks, our boxed wine selection seemed offer the lubricant as these conflicts over conscious, vision, belief, and alas, winnings were resolved until the last chip was won or lost, depending your viewpoint.

Dr. Michael Hunter Helps Merlot with Sister Ruth

2005-11-20T11:40:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and kind readers,

Is has been some time since our rift with Dr. Emily erupted into a full scale war of attrition, so to speak, here at the Boat Basin. As you will recall, we hired the most excellent Mr. Ito to help us dispose of our empty boxed wine casks, which have grown considerable, the result of our almost nightly boxed wine tastings here at the Boat Basin. You will recall further, that Dr. Emily has affiliated herself with our neighbors, Mort and a certain retired national talk show host with enough time and money on his hands to make trouble for our enterprise here at the basin, and who has some of the leading public figures in the world visit his watercraft for dinner and drinks, many of whom wind up on our deck in the course of our wine tastings.

While our interpersonal progress has been considerable from those low points, when Dr. Emily sat with our neighbors, turning a blind eye and laughing like a horse at Mort's aging charm and the joshing of the Basin's resident Silver Fox. It was the first time in 10 years Dr. Emily has not prepared coffee and continental breakfast for our tired and hungry network of marketing researchers who sort and gather empty bottles and boxes from New York's Upper West side apartment building dumpsters each night and early morning.

Since that time, we have had several conflicts with Dr. Emily, including an outright physical fight between Dr. Emily's visiting younger Sister Ruth, and Mr. Ito, who for his part employed his advanced Judo training to subdue her on the ground until authorities arrived. "Sister Ruth" apparently insists on being called just that, Sister Ruth, as she is quick to explained her affiliation with a rather obscure new age church that operated in San Francisco's Mission district, until its lease was bought out at the height of the tech bubble. Curious, we Googled "Sister Ruth", only to find a somewhat telling description that appears to be written by people of good conscious to have dealt with this Sister Ruth.

Now, we can hardly blame her sister's (Sister) very short fuse and bad temperament on Dr. Emily, who has herself overcome an extraordinary early life marred with abuse and mistreatment at the hands of her alcoholic mother (who was an actress and more often a sex worker), and her compulsive gambling, physically abusive father (an ex Boxer and bar owner in what is now New York's "Clinton" neighborhood, which was then known as "Hells Kitchen") Hells Kitchen was renamed after the election of Bill Clinton, perhaps our nation's most opportunistic president. By most accounts, New York's real estate community agreed that a name change for Hell Kitchen, or "The Kitchen" as locals called it, would allow them to charge rents that are more inline with the rest of Manhattan, in spite of "Clinton's" storied past of drug dealing corruption, street crime and general unbound violence.) The result, like Clinton's presidential effort, has ment higher rents for equal and in many cases declining value.

Since her arrival, Sister Ruth's visit has turned into an extended stay, if you will. She has staked out herself sleeping quarters in a tent, with Rusty, one of our most talented marketing researchers, who apart from living the sporting life in The Riverside Park, using a 4 man tent, manages to drive and retrieve 200 golfball per day into the Hudson River, using the dingy of our might watercraft. While Sister Ruth has made it difficult for us, she has proved herself an albatross for Mr. Ito, who has done his job with impeccable attention to detail, organization and good faith in spite of the working conditions presented by Ruth's campaign to defame and discourage the most excellent Mr. Ito.

Our theory of the case is that Ruth would like the money we pay Mr. Ito for herself and her two children, who up until recently lived as wards of the state of California, where they have proved to be exceptional students in math and science. Since then, they have been sleeping with us in our watercraft, as Rusty's tent does not provide enough room for the children to spread out and do their "problem sets", as they call their math and science homework, of which they are 3 months ahead of their school's paced ciriculum. For their part, the children appear to be able to thrive wherever they are planted long enough to crack their books, in spite of the Ruth's erratic and at times violent behavor.

The children's father also provides an odd counterpoint to their stay at the Basin. Apparently, their father is an actuary with one of the world's leading insurance carriers. We have never met because he is not permitted to drive his car close enough as to be visible from the Basin. Ruth's rather strict and rigid instructions are that he not set foot in the Basin, or drive anywhere near, but rather, he must park his car on Riverside Drive, near the basin, and blow the horn until contacted via his cellphone.

In short, Ruth has made our life and business here at the Basin most intolerable. Mr. Ito and I have been at a loss, as Ruth's behavior has disrupted out Boxed Wine tastings more than once. In point of fact, when she is under the influence of Boxed Wine, Ruth is one of the most angry persons I have ever met. So far, she has assaulted no fewer than 5 guest to our watercraft, each time being subdued by Mr. Ito's most excellent advance martial arts skill.

Consiquently we consulted with Dr. Michael Hunter, who is a group leader at the Basin for those who admit to being "powerless over alcohol" twice per week. He is also something of a life coach, who has done fantastic work with almost everyone who has approached him for advice and good counsel.

Dr. Hunter, for his part has asked us to provide all the information we have about Ruth, her family and her birth family, which we did. I explained what I had been told by Dr. Emily when we questioned her about Ruth's odd activities. Dr. Emily's apology was heartfelt, as she described her childhood with her mother and Ruth. Apparently, Dr. Emily was "in charge of the money" as her mother operated a small scale brothel above her father's bar. Dr. Emily was apparently something of a designated driver, who never took drink, and who not only collected customer's money (with the help of her uncle "Jimmy Duces", who was a well known local street tuff in "the Kitchen"), while her mother provided most of the service of the operation, if you will. Ruth's part was even more wretched, as she was forced to act as what's called a "fluffer" for the more inebriated clientle, who were typically VIP's and Policemen. As she grew, she grew to resent the part she was to play in this unholy household, and she grew voilent to the point where she was "fired" from the operation, and took to the road. After moving in as "housekeeper" to a formal Federal Proscutor of doubious character, Ruth enrolled in City College where she studied a variety of majors before transferring to University of California where worked part time in the sex industry, meeting many of the leading figures who unionized the trade there and lead to the Exotic Dancer's Union, an affiliate of Service Employees Interntaional Union, AFL-CIO Local 790. Several years into her advanced degree and shift work at the Lusty Lady, and as a business owner of with interests in several private clubs, she met her ex-husband, a Stanford Business school graduate with a bright future, Herb Henderson.

After marrying Herb, Ruth "swore off her whorin ways" as Dr. Emily put it in a half joking way. That is when Ruth began religious traning that would lead her to leave her husband, give up her children, return to her trade, and become Sister Ruth.

After laying out the facts for Dr. Michael, as we were told them, he took the time to research the issues we had revealed in our telling. Dr. Michael later forwarded us the following notes that may offer insight into Ruth's rather disruptive behavior. Dr. Hunter pointed out that we should keep a sharp eye for the following warning signs they suggest patterns that are not uncommon between certain divorced families

Dear Merlot;

It is my opinion that seldom does the leopard change its' spots, and so it may be the case with the case of Sister Ruth. While we can not be certain that Sister Ruth will not change her ways; we can be reaonably sure that the children may be helped with modest effort to protect their emotional space, and so, our focus should be on pulling the baby from the well, first and foremost.

After extensive research, I believe I have isolated a possible diagnostic tool to place the current situation within a framework that can address the more troubling aspects of these children's lives with Sister Ruth. Sister Ruth presents a kind of Hurricane in their lives, threatening to dismantle whatever they sense of self and understanding they are able to find or build within themselves at any time her emotional state leads her astray.

Obviously, you and Dr. Emily are in a position to enable and continue Sister Ruth's wild ride in many respects. A job that pays her enough to stay among your researchers at the Basin will certainly keep her, and more importantly the children stuck in a place that may not be in their best interest. In light of Sister Ruth's appoach to her husband, the children's father, moving the children from the Basin may be even more vital to their emotional well being than would otherwise be the case.

In short, based on the following risk factors, I think the children are at risk for Parental Alienation Syndrome, a disorder of the mind, heart and soul which I believe Sister Ruth herself exhibits. Furthermore, I believe you and Dr. Emily should attempt to lobby and make every effort through your influence with Sister Ruth to place the children with their father, who appears to be a stablizing force, using the courts if necessary:

Gardner (1987) is credited as being the first to coin the term "parental alienation syndrome", although Stahl (1999) suggests that the rudiments of this family process were reported originally by Wallerstein and Kelly (1976; 1980) when they discussed the alignment process in divorcing families. Others picked up the study of this issue by examining the nature of high conflict divorce, with Johnston and her colleagues offering useful insight into this dynamic (Johnston, 1989; 1993; Johnston & Campbell, 1988). Gardner sought to formalize the model into a working diagnosis and labeled the process as parental alienation syndrome with eight specific criteria. These include features deemed common in children with moderate to severe PAS. According to Gardner, the evaluator will observe:

A campaign of denigration
Weak, absurd, or frivolous rationalizations for the deprecation
Lack of ambivalence
The "independent-thinker" phenomenon
Reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict
Absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent
The presence of borrowed scenarios
Spread of animosity to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent.

As Gardner notes, children "who suffer from PAS will exhibit most (if not all) of these symptoms. This is almost uniformly the case of the moderate and severe types...[although] in the mild cases one might not see all eight symptoms."

The following factor is certainly in evidence based what I have been told by more than one boat owners at the Basin, who have been objecting to Herb's horn blowing early on Sunday mornings since Sister Ruth as arrived.

"A common maneuver is to require the visiting father to park his car in front of the house and blow the horn when he arrives. He is not permitted to come to the doorstep, let alone, ring the bell. Although not stated, the implication here is that this very act might somehow contaminate the whole household (Gardner, 1987, p.86)."

The risks to these children psycho-social development are nothing short of grave, and you and Dr. Emily must come together to address this situation with Sister Ruth without delay. Following the children's removal, I would also strongly urge Sister Ruth to begin treatment, not only for her substance abuse, which I know we have not discussed but which I have been informed about by various recovering participants in my groups at the basin. The risk to the children, and the result of Sister Ruth's life can be understood within the following framework:

Stahl (1999) reports that the children who are most susceptible to alienation are the more passive and dependent children, or the children who feel a strong need to psychologically care for the alienating parent. The child and alienating parent share a sense of moral outrage and there is a fusion of feelings between them.... Long-term effects of alienation left unchecked may lead to various pathological symptoms, which include but are not limited to:

splitting in their relationships
difficulties in forming intimate relationships
a lack of ability to tolerate anger or hostility in relationships
psychosomatic symptoms and sleep or eating disorders
psychological vulnerability and dependency
conflicts with authority figures
and, an unhealthy sense of entitlement for one's rage that leads to social alienation in general.

Of course, the causes of alientation are more complex than I've outlined, and other factors can worsen the situation, including the following; however, I believe these are not in evidence at the present time, but we should remain alert to their showing up like the proverbial bad penny:

Finally, there is the position of the alienated child, who may strongly resist visitation or contact with the other parent, and who will express their rejection of that parent with some strident and strong sentiments, and without guilt or empathy for the other's parent's feelings. This is a pathological response that emerges in the absence of realistic factors as noted in the case of the estranged child. It is only this level that may resemble some of the Gardner PAS or PA descriptions. Even then, Kelly and Johnston note several other factors other than an alienating parent that may account for the observed alienation in the child. These include systemic factors (child triangulated in intense marital conflict; separation experienced as humiliation; impact of high-conflict litigious divorce; contributions of new partners, extended family, and professionals), behaviors of the rejecting parent that contribute to alienation (passivity and withdrawal; counter-rejection of the child; harsh and rigid parenting style; critical and demanding traits; immature and self-centered behavior; diminished empathy for the aligned child), and developmental stage vulnerabilities within the child (child's age and cognitive complexity; child feels abandoned and rejected; temperament and personality factors).

In short Merlot, you have the uneviable task of sorting out a real mess in Sister Ruth's extended stay at the basin. I would be happy to help you in any way I can, including organizing one or more interventions to bring these and other issues to a head for Sister Ruth.

Your's truly,
Dr. Michael Hunter Visiting Professor of Psychiatric Medicine
New York University

This Voignier is most promising news, for it means we have clinical backing to force the issue with Dr. Emily to face the facts of our dire situation at the Boat Basin, and we shall no longer remain, like the donkey, tied to the post of our misfortune, waiting for our South African benefactors to pull us out of the well, if you will indulge my mixed metaphors. It is we who must pull Sister Ruth's babies out of the well, like The Catcher in the Rye, making a difference for the next generation, as we make Mr. Ito's job orders of magnitudes easier. After all, we do not pay Mr. Ito for his advanced Judo skill, which I fear we shall not be able to afford based on the amount of trouble Sister Ruth is generating at our boxed wine tasting events here on the banks of the Hudson.

Dear Merlot

2005-11-18T12:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Merlot,

You seem like an smart man, if a little too trusting. I have a question for you.

My 12 year old beats our dog, wets his bed and last week started a fire near our propane gas tank to burn his math books. What should I do?

Yours in confusion,

Mark Taylor

Dear Mark,

The follow warning signs indicate that a child will be highly predisposed to violence later in life:

Abuse of Animals
Bed Wetting, and
Starting Fires

These corrolations are not as certain as the sun rising, but I really must insist that you seek professional help. And what's more, you should not be ashamed or embarrassed in any way to seek the assistance of a professional in this case. These behaviors are more than even the most quailfied parents would be able to handle on their own.

Having said so, my very dear friend and associate in the Boxed Wine Association, Dr. Micheal Hunter, may be able to offer you sage advice, as he does on a regular basis to many of our more behaviorally challenged, if you will, here at the boat basin. Dr. Hunter hosts AA meetings at the basin 2 times per week, and you may contact him directly there on the shores of the mighty Hudson.

Regards,

Merlot

Merlot's Trip to the Central Valley

2005-11-16T18:58:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier (pronounced: Vee-O-Nay) and devoted readers;

We have been preoccupied with travel recently, and therefore unable to generate new studies each day. But we are now ready to reflect on our tour of certain parts of California at the behest of several wine producers who called upon us for our insight into the growth and development of boxed blends in North America. The region we toured is commonly referred to as Central Valley, where leading wine labels squeeze our an extraordinary amount of the god's nectar. This is not to say that we necessarily met with executives from the houses of Gallo or Mondovi, or in the event that such contact took place that we would disclose the details of any such meeting.

Nevertheless, our tour took us from Woodbridge, to Modesto down the San Joaquin River from Lodi to Stockton and Madera were the owners are in the process of requesting federal recognition of their lands as vital to the nation's wine production. Part of our task was to meet with federal officials, who shall remain unnamed, for a discussion about the national security implications with respect to this 50 mile strip of land where much of North America's wine supply is grown and produced. Obviously, we are not at liberty to discuss our conclusions about whether our wine supply is in danger, or what might be the best way to protect it. Suffice to say, our time at University of California at Davis was well spent, as leading figures brainstormed about the future of America's boxed wine supply.

Consequently, this study of wine safety and security has a somewhat limited informational value, if you will; but suffice to say, we believe North America's wine supply is infinitely more safe and sound as the result of or efforts in California.

Heartened by Proof of David's Plight

2005-11-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and kind readers,

Today, archeological evidence was reported for the existence that Goliath did indeed dwell in Jerusalem, suggesting that the bibical tale of week overcoming the strong is more than folk story. It's seems a piece of pottery had his name written on it, which was discovered recently. As we work to further and build the interest of our clients , some of the leading boxed of North America (who also happen to be the underdogs of the wine business), we are heartened to know that David may have well given Goliath the ass whipping of bibical proportions based on current archeological findings.

Cheers to the head of the Big Wine Voignier!

Grep Lept for Kara's Kelp, A Study of Sideways Events

2005-11-10T23:01:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind readers,

We at the Boat Basin have been working with fire in our bellies to get to the bottom of the "sideways effect" that is gripping the wine market here in North America. This afternoon I emerged from my statistical analysis of wine consumption, based on samples gathered from the refuse by our most trusted research assistants, residents of The Riverside Park. With the help of Mr. Ito, we have been able to compile and sort several categories of empty unboxed wine containers for our yearly audit, and the findings are most suprising.

As you recall, we were hired by a group of wine merchants to define and counteract this "sideways effect" that has cause wine sales to drop, significantly. Recall further that we promised our benefactors that we shall define the trends before crafting a masterful marketing attack to beat back this slander of merlot, perhaps the most delicious wine every produced in the history of history. For our services, we requested a certain quantity of spirits that we shall use to compensate our staff, which will also serve as product for our boxed wine tastings, as well as our reviews. The symbiotic nature of this compensation is economical in the extreme, and I venture (no pun intended) to say that it is perhaps the most efficient use of marketing dollars in the trade. The ROI, or return-on-investment for this kind of project is extraordinary, I can assure you, and everyone carrying a Blackberry into the next Tech wave.

While soft peddeling our work into a long study, and a longer marketing campaign may seem like a sure way to earning more boxed wine for our staff, nothing could be further from the truth. Protracted consulting assignments, stretching ad infinitum to the horizon in every direction are not the way we earn our keep. If we are able to offer a quick answer, we will, without delay or jabberwockery on countless pages and so called "White Papers", which should be termed the black hole of production in America business. With pen, paper and Mr. Ito doing the counting aloud, we finished our calculations by 2pm.

And so, without delay we have informed our clients that based on our research there really is no "sideways effect" in the wine market. In point of fact, sales of Merlot appear to have increased since the popular movie featured a rather broken chap with a acute disdain for merlot as a category. There are in fact, more empty bottles of Merlot in the rubbish of Manhattan's upper west side than ever. The other product with the highest gain appears to be apple wine coolers, with the greatest concentration above 95th street. Moveover, we have reason to believe that as home prices have risen throughout the East Coast markets, sales of merlot have kept pace, perhaps in the spirit of celebration of the good fortune so many enjoy from home price appreciation. We shall be launching a new study aimed directly at this hypothesis for the next phase of our research into the "Sideways Effect" in North American wine consumption.

Nonetheless, we are delighted to find that merlot has not suffered in actual sales, but we are a bit "sideways" ourselves as to the course of action we shall undertake to counteract the perception that there is a "Sideways Effect" acting as a drag on wine sales in North America. Any thoughts will be duly noted and credited.

After a hard day's work, we retired to an early afternoon sampling of a certain boxed wine produced in upstate New York, far from the hustle and hustlers of the basin. Kara showed up with Dr. Emily. Kara was Dr. Emily's roomate in graduate school, and a delightful person to spend time with, if one has an interest in the rise of feminism in Japan, which was the focus of her study at several leading universities, both here and in her native Ireland. Kara, it seems still has her taste for seaweed, which she eats with every meal, and when she joins in our samplings. It is of course, no so unusual in other parts of the world, but does give pause to several of our regulars here at the basin, whenever Kara reaches into her fanny pack and pulls out a had full of Kelp, offering it to someone with this or that cut, scrape or cold sore that Kara believe would be made better by either topical application or by eating her various seaweeds. Kelp, Nori and Irish Moss appear to be her choicest varieties.

There is something a little unsettling about seeing a red haird, wild eye Professor of Japanese Women's Studies tear through a fanny pack of Kelp while washing it down with a dry Boxed Wine. But what's more was Mr. Ito's dog, Grep, who as it turns out, shared both Kara's taste for Seaweed, and her taste for single malt scotch, which was what she was actually drinking after Grep lept to Kara's waste, tearing out the 5th of Johnny Walker she had stored there with her seaweed.

Ito appeared deeply ashamed, and offered to cast Grep into the Hudson. We thanked him, but quickly declined his well meaning offer, as more than a few of us, I suspect secretly wished Mr. Ito could do something simliar with respect to Kara's kelp.

Merlot's Membership Drive in Antartica Faces Setbacks

2005-11-06T07:51:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier,

This communication is rather in the nature of an internal communication than one of our studies in boxed wine. The attached is the result of our effort at a membership drive that would extend the Boxed Wine Association of North America and Parts of Chile to Antartica, where scientific researcher Seth White was stationed early this decade. We are hopeful that in the event that Seth is called back to his research, we will be able to appeal once again for active representation from the world's polar regions

Nevertheless, it appears that our efforts have resulted in so much empty blue sky. However, we are not discouraged, and shall continue our membership drive, far from the shores of the mighty Hudson River, or Long Island Sound, beyond the sun drenched Napa valley to places where boxed wines are valued and enjoyed, the life blood of civilization.

We shall press on Voignier:

Drink and dance and laugh and lie
Love, the reeling midnightthrough,
For tomorrow we shall die!(But, alas, we never do)

--Dorothy Parker

See attached from Antartica!

Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2005 11:15:52 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: Inquiry
From: seth@sethwhite.org
To: merlot@pammgt.com

Ciao Merlot, I bid you good tidings and a pleasing bouquet from Antarctica. These greetings also extend to your esteemed associate Voignier. I was charmed and a bit humbled, I must admit, to receive your missive, as your name carries a notable weight amongst the small but surprisingly influential group of Boxed Wine afficionados.

I am intrigued by your request for a review, as I also believe that an inclusion of active interest the North Polar Regions by your Society is quite a forward-looking ambition, as the Inuit of Canada, Greenland, and Alaska represent a great untapped membership pool. As an aside, it is said that the bespigoted box is an sacred symbol to these ancient cultures. I believe that the same can also be said for the South Polar Regions, but this is a topic for another occasion and a plastic mug of cubic Bordeaux.

Regretfully, however, as my delightful encounter with the Arctic boxed blend preceeded your request (and in fact my knowledge of your Society), I left Greenland without detailed tasting notes. Also, as I had consumed a great quantity of more conventional bottled wines before approaching the boxed vintage, I cannot recall any information about it other than what is displayed on my humble website. Alas, it would have been my honor and privelege to supply you with a thorough report, but I cannot in good conscience do so as my recollection of the event is clouded at best, and dubious at worst.

Nonetheless, I salute you, Merlot!

Seth

Merlot May Already Be a Winner!

2005-11-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier-- Outstanding news that could mean life support for our venture!

We are, apparently winners, see the following. As you can see Voignier, this must remain confidential, if we are to collect our bounty, so mumm is the word, if not the beverage:

BINGO LOTTO NL POSTBUS 2014, 2671 LA RIJSWIJK,
THE NETHERLANDS
TEL: +31-611-455-906 FAX:+31847580757

FROM:THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT,
BINGO LOTTO INTERNATIONAL/PRIZE AWARD DEPT.
REFERENCE NUMBER:HFR/OO117/CRZ
BATCH NUMBER:PR/33I12/997JH

Dear winner,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the winners of the BINGO LOTTO programs held November 05,2005.Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 011-9085555-326 with serial number 22-33-22 drew lucky numbers 4-82-12-69-44 which consequently won in the category A.You have, therefore, been approved for a lump sum pay of €1,000,000.00(one million euros) in cash credited to file Ref.number:HFR/00117/CRZ.This is from a total cash prize of €10,000,000.00 international winners inthis category.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Due to mix up of some numbers and names we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and impersonation. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 400,000 companies and 300,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.This promotional programme takes place every year globally. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by the president of the world largest softwares to increase the awareness of microsoft software packages. We hope with part of your winning you will take part in our next €40 million international lottery. To file for your claim please contact

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Email:bingolotto07@netscape.net

Remember all winnings must be claimed not later than November 15, 2005. After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake.

Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore,should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.Congratulations once more, and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

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Merlot Gathers Intelligence, and Hires Mr. Ito

2005-11-05T06:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier and kind readers,

Last evening began with a late start, after we had spent several hours conferring with our friends at The Riverside Park, who proved a most excellent resource for the study of wine consumption habits on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, which we take to be a proxy for every high end niche market in America, give or take not more than a standard deviation, if you will.

Each morning, as they return from their hunt for bottles and cans, our rather casual discussion over the Italian roasted coffee, and fresh H & H bagels they supply has given me a window, if you will, overlooking the patters of wine drinking throughout the nation. Our friends have been very good about counting and charting the numbers of wine bottles, the size bottles, and the lables they find each day. This army of bottle collector-recyclers are, in fact, my secret weapon in the war for the wine consumers tastes and minds, a most valuable resource to beat back the "Sideways Effect" that appears to be dragging down sales of Merlot, if reports are accurate by the network of wine stores who hired us to counteract this unhappy result. Using their morning inputs, if you will, and with spreadsheets created with a popular software package, I have been able to plot the wine consumption patterns of what is, perhaps, the most highly coveted markets on earth. For more than 4 years, I have been able to spot wine consumption trends, real time, which allows me to inform some of the worlds leading vineyards as to their success or lack thereof in marketing to Manhattan's upper west side.

In exchange for their fastidious work, we are able to offer them a quite ample supply of boxed, and bottle wines and other spirits, depending on the nature of our consulting agreements. More often than not, we are able to secure ample consideration for their efforts, which explains how a rather small morning "coffee clutch" began 8 years ago, and has developed into a group that would fill the Carnegie Deli each morning.

Dr. Emily works very hard to provide breakfast for this band of market researchers, if you will, when she is walking off the job, laughing it up with Celebrities and well healed layabouts on the deck of Mort's ship. Each morning, without fail (until yesterday) Professor Emily works very hard to provide coffee, bagels and sweat rolls, as regularly as Mark, who was once Robert Duval's understudy, recites the same quote to Dr. Emily each day, recalling his 15 minutes of fame in the late 1970's, when he was "Teach" in the American Buffalo every third night: "Fucking Ruthie, Fucking Ruthie, Fucking Ruthie... every fucking sweat roll... ground glass". Dr. Emily, for her part, is genuinely amused, every morning, laughing wildly, and after a pause, quoting back on cue "this hurts me in a way. I don't know what to do". It is, one of the longest running jokes at the basin.

This morning was day two of our falling out over the trouble with our trash at the Boat Basin. Dr. Emily, was however on hand to serve our friends coffee, but did not jest with Mark, which caught the attention of all hand who were by that time, on deck, if you will. In time, we hope Professor Emily will resume her bright spirit, and glib jest, as we consider it a cornerstone of our operation. We are still in the process of compiling market intelligence for our wine store clients, as we negotiate the terms for our services, which we expect to take a few weeks to make our sample most reliable.

Meanwhile, we have hired a good man to help Dr. Emily clean up our wake of wine boxes and other refuse that follows our wine tasting events here at the basin. After an extensive interviewing process, where several building managers, and janitorial workers came to our watercraft to apply for the job, we have made a selection. Mr. Ito, appears to be a hard worker by all accounts who has been clean and sober for more than 9 years by his own account. As a recovered alcoholic, Mr. Ito should be in a good position to cut and dispose of empty boxed wine casks. His is also willing to begin painted our watercraft, which is also in need of repair. None of this seems to make a bit of difference to Mort, or neighbor who has started calling Mr. Ito "Kato", and me the Green Hornet, a reference to a dynamic dual from the mid 1960 episodic television wherein Kato was played by Bruce Lee.

We are not amused.

Merlot's Study of Celebrity, and the "Sideways Effect" in the America Wine Market

2005-11-04T06:59:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier, and kind readers,

Day two of the standoff between Dr. Emily and myself is well underway. The morning, as I awakened, the smell of good Coffee from Dominican Republic was distinctly not in the air. Each day, since her hire, Emily has prepared coffee for myself, herself and the band of early risers who visit our water craft, some of whom have spent the better part of the night collecting bottles and cans from Manhattans refuse, to be exchanged for good sums of money. Now, we consider coffee, upon waking, and before our morning constitution a pillar of good living, without which our day is dashed, if you will. This is something Dr. Emily knows quite well, which can only lead to the conclusion that we are still "in the middle of it," she and I. There was a time, when Dr. Emily only drank Illy coffee, and only on our watercraft. It does not take an advanced degree in Materials Science to see that things are apparently different now. Now, she drinks with celebrities and whiskey salesmen, while I and my band of not-so-merry- men, if you will wait for our professional grade Bunn coffee maker to warm up, and deliver us from this indignity. We were truly embarrassed for her.

This morning we spotted Dr. Emily drinking take out coffee (green lids, from a certain Seattle Retailer of over roasted beans), on the deck of our neighbor, Mortimer Greenblatt, a Whiskey and Bourbon critic whose personal fortune sets him apart from all at the basin, except maybe a certain retired television talk show host also in attendance , a man who spends countless hours polishing the rails on his boat, dress as Jim Backus in character (a/k/a, Mr. Thursten Howell, III). Dr. Emily was facing us, hanging on every word and laughing in the manner of a horse as Mort and the retired talk show celebrity appeared to be telling his war stories, mixed with bon mots.

It was like watching fools rush in, and seeing them drink from a bad bottle of Francis Coppola's new celebrity Niebaum-Coppola Cabernet Sauvignon, as it makes the rounds at a Pronographic Movie Awards Dinner having been uncorked the night before, left to stand on at the waiter's station, and poured by a vindictive bus-boy as revenge some awardee's patronizing attempt to speak spanish. All the elements of a massive chain of events leading to a sorry ending. Dr. Emily laughing at Mort's witless repartees was rather just like watching a bottle of Coppola left for dead, if you will, the kind of wine that a spot on jackass would rather be seen drinking, more than they would actually like to taste in the mouth. Until last night, we were hearing a great deal about this celebrity wine, among others, which raised an enitirely new question for us, the subject of future studies, no doubt, namely: What sort of premium should be placed upon a bottle or cask of wine for having a celebrity's name associated with it?

For example, say one were to find an excellent bottle of viognier, 2003 selling for $25 dollars per bottle,(or say $65 dollars per box in the quite off chance that the vineyard were wise enought to box the blend!). Next assume this Voignier is all but identical a bottle of Lys de Volan Condrieu, 2003, a vintage produced by Alain Paret and the famous French celebrity Gerard Depardieu, which sells for $40 dollars per bottle (an which should have most certainly been boxed). ?Next, assume they are not only nearly identical, but that both are excellent, with hints of apricots, berries, truffles, almonds and all one would expect to taste or read from the pen of a wine critic. The question becomes: what price or value should be either added or not to the celebrity wine verses the identical wine, which neither has celebrity backing from a finacial standpoint (whether they be driven by the profit motive for personal gain, or by some non-for-profit aim that employees family and friends, as in the case of Paul Newman's popcorn and Pasta sauces? While our first impulse is to avoid the celebrity lable, as we would say, pass over the 200 dollars designer lable jeans for the timeless Levi or Lee brands, we are not so sure that some premium my be warranted for a wine that allows the consumer to connect with a celebrity in an interactive manner, whereby celebrity and fan can share something, an experience, if you will that builds some metaphysical bond via the sense of taste unlike any other. For example, if a fan were to watche

Fred and Ginger dance for the 24th time on DVD, the fan can not say that they experienced something that either Fred or Ginger experienced, unless Fred and or Ginger were in the habit of watching their old dance routines on DVD, as a certain kind of fan would. You see, one can not say the celebrity and fan have experienced something together, the was to devotees of a certain blend and vintage of wine do, whether bottled or boxed. Celebrity wine does, in fact, offer the fan that connection, or relationship, if you will, however prurient or distasteful we may find it personally. For like the premiums placed on pornographic media, we must resign ourselves to the way things are in the market place of ideas and things. "There is", indeed, as a wise man once said, "an ass for every seat."

Speaking of which, now, here was Dr. Emily this morning, facing us, seated on the deck of Mort's boat, with her horse laugh decending over the basin for all to hear and cringe from, as I and my band of merry bottle collectors stood without coffee, awaiting breakfast, as Dr. Emily had provided for more than 7 years, without fail. It was as if we were watching a tasting of this celebrity Voignier that had been opened, sipped and left to vinegar by an inattentive, tired or intoxicated waiter, a hazard that does not exist with boxed wine. And here was the fan, joval, demonstrative and whooping it up if you will, with glasses lifed high, and lables in plain sight, as if placed within the frame of a film in order to be seen.

Watching Dr. Emily was most disturbing, as we did make several pots of coffee, which we did distribute it to our friends from The Riverside Park, who were ending their shift sorting trash, turning garbage into gold, as one of the three put it.

Nevertheless, we make these observations in spite of our experience last night with Mr. Coppola's wine, the actual case if you will. It was, in fact, our pleasure to taste a good bottle of Mr. Coppola's new Neibaum- Coppola Cabernet Sauvignon last night, as we spent time discussing "celebrity blends" with a dear friend who operates a very high quality wine store on the Upper West Side. We had visited Miles quite randomly, while walking Stewart and Ponzi again. Miles is one of the few retailer in Manhattan who allow us to bring dogs into the stream of commerce if you will, releaving us of the worry that they will be stolen, or perhaps mauled again by a moody pit bull. The wine was very good, a dark blend with flavors of jasmin, steel cut oats, and burdock root. And so we applaud Mr. Coppola's new Heart of Darkness, if you will, with just one criticism, as regular readers may have already guessed-- Box Your Wine, SIR!

Miles concern, on the other hand, was with another celebrity, who is currently doing damage to his business. The celebrity is one Paul Giamatti, whose character in the popular film "Sideways" is all but destroying the demand for Merlot as a catagory. It seems Americans take their movies to heart, perhaps to a fault, and Miles had suffered as a result, as many of his Upper West Side customers are avoiding Merlot as if it were "Hi C", or "Welch's grape soda", as Miles put it. Miles sought me out in order to brainstorm about ways to counter what is being called the "Sideways Effect" in the wine trade, and we two spend several hours on the topic. At this stage we are gathering facts about this effect, surveying the network of wine stores from Maine to Washington, DC. Before taking the project, Miles made a few calls, to negotiate on my behalf, which was not difficult, given our reputation for PR and damage control. In a rather complex transaction, it turns out we will be compensated in the form of wine for our efforts to counter act the "Sideways Effect" that is hitting so many wine stores on the east coast. However, the process of exchanging bottles for boxes has turned out to be more complicated than anticipated, making this leg of the transaction the more difficult. Nonetheless, we expect to be hard at work, undermining the "dio-jesus", or suspension of disbelief, if you will, that Mr. Paul Giamatti has so successfully unleashed upon the American wine market.

And as I vowed last night to certain high ranking retail wine store figures via conference call, you may mark my words, by the time Merlot finishes his disinformation and spin control campaigns on the American wine consumer-- this so called "Sideways Effect" will go the way of finger quotations in the air, the pet rock, and the phrase "yadda yadda yadda".

Merlot Bails Out Chester, While Crossing Emily

2005-11-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

Greetings Viognier (Vee-O-nay) and Kind readers,

Upon rising, and after my morning constitution, my faithful attendant, Emily (who we shall come back to) reminded me that Chester was still "cooling his heals in the can", if you will. And so, It was incumbent upon me to find him appropriate representation, and to raise the funds for his release, as I would hope he would do for me. That is the measure of a man, kind readers; The Golden Rule, if you will. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is perhaps nothing new to the more seasoned readers among us, but how many choose to live these simple words, in practice, day in and day out with the consistency of a New York State boxed wine? There's the rub, isn't it?

Which brinds us to our theme for this day: Treat other people with the concern and kindness you would like them to show toward you. A fitting theme on this day perhaps, a day like any other, save the trip to the Bernard B. Kerik Complex (a/k/a, "the Tombs") to bail out Chester, for striking two of New York's finest, and for verbal abuse that bordered upon a hate crime, as it was explained to me.

Apparently, one of the officers was of Peruvian decent, which is not itself an amazing fact, but which took a different light, and us all by surprise when Chester began blurting, for lack of a better word. Chester shouted at the policemen that he thought him a "dirty Spaniard, with stinking Arab ways" of all things, which the police officer of Peruvian origin seemed to take with a grain of salt, if that. Now, this is something very odd, as it came from Chester, a man who almost single handedly has kept more than a few Manhattan Tapas Bar in business over the last 30 years, not only with his patronage, but also with his extraordinary critical reviews of Tapas Bars, Cuban Chinese take out spots, and Mexican Restaurant, for which he is known. Chester's review are said to have put New York's now defunct, Bay Yammo Restaurant in business. Chester's love of all things Latin, until this most bias utterance, was widely known. The officer, who was in a position to prosecute Chester for his loose way with words, as his RV was in the process of being towed from the basin, turned out to be an understanding bloke, who realized that Chester was approaching three sheets to the wind, when he began to defend his wheeled home from the deck of our watercraft.

And so, the charge was reduced and Chester was made free, on a rather modest bail of $15,000 dollars, after the DA made the case that he was in fact a flight risk, given his living situation, and in spite of the high price of fuel, which has kept Chester grounded, if you will, within the confines of Manhattan for now. Chester found no friend in the judge, who as Hispanic, took the opportunity to wax philosophical, not only about Chester's bias remarks (at one point calling him a "'reflexive' bigot who only shows signs when his not-so-funny bone is tapped"), but also about Chester's public drunkenness, "even in places where drunkenness may be the norm, and an occupational hazard," as he put it, addressing the view, for good or ill, of the Boat Basin's as something of a docking point for "a ship of fools."

This, of course, raised laughter among the police officers, who are often called to the basin to quell fallout, not only from our boxed wine tastings, but for many other residents, who imbibe other spirits on a quite regular basis, including Mortimer Greenblatt, one of the world's foremost "brown water" consultants, if you will. Mortimer has consulted with many of the world's leading distilleries about their production of Whiskeys, and Bourbons, becoming quite rich, as it were, by taking payment in the form of shares of securities before Japanese buying concerns bought out many of the United Kingdom's leading producers of Scotch. Mort, as it turned out, provided the funds to bail out Chester, and was very accommodating toward our request for funds. When asked, late last night, as we drank from a rather sweat cask of boxed wine from a Long Island vineyard, Mort replied: "I'll buy, if you fly," which sealed the deal that brought me to New York's Tombs to fetch Chester, if you will. Mortimer, for his part requested "interest" in the form of Chester's labor, has he readies his rather large watercraft for winter.

All in all, a good deal from a kind friend in a position to help Chester through a rough spot, who will be facing assault and battery charges in the wake of his RV being towed, and his wife deserting him for or well-healed employer, the owner of a charted jet service for executives inside the beltway, where the air is so very thin. Chester for his part, is back taking in fresh air along the West Side Drive, fighting the storied, and powerful Hudson River Striped Bass, and the so called "Pumpkinskin" in turn.

Which brings us to the flip side of our golden coin, if you will: trechery in the home. This flip side involves our house keeper, Emily, a highly educated live in manager, without whom Merlot would unboubtedly be in very dire straights. Emily has shown a flair for treachery, which was nothing less than the most shocking revelation we've experienced this year. After returning from bailing out Chester, it was my turn, if you will. As I approached my watercraft, I was approached by a New York City Sanitation inspector, who was in the process of issuing us yet another ticket when he talk us to remain, while he called the police to place us under arrest.

Apparently, Emily took it as her duty to call the Sanitation department, urging them to teach "Merlot and his little operation a lesson" (as the inspector disclosed to us upon his third draw from a dry boxed blend we opened in order to in turn make him more open). She said it was just desserts for not making arrangements to clean up after our boxed wine tasting events in a more timely, and organized manner. Emily, as it turns out, was brought up by in a Military family on the Island of Guam, in Panama, Puerto Rico, and the Gulf, where here father was stationed throughout his long Naval career. She has no tolerance for our "sloppy ways" as she puts it, and the empty box wine casks had been a point of contention between us since the day of her hire, more than 10 years ago. Well, today, things have come to a head, when she made efforts to have me arrested for not keeping the basin more tidy. It appears, Emily had had enough of breaking down boxes, making them ready the carting service.

Her method of communication is a bit ham-fisted for a woman with a PhD in Ethnographic Anthropology from one of the world's leading university systems; and we told her as much. Dr. Emily replied to the effect that she had to take drastic measures to keep this "floating pig pen in order", and rather than, as she put it, "continuing to talk 'til blue in the face to a man with corks in his ears who sits back like a Cambodian hog farmer", Emily decided to take swift action, doing that would not be ignored or dismissed like the wish list of an unwanted step child. Emily's language was peppered with words that we would never have dreamed she knew, and we told her this too. It was her yelling the most odd turn of phrase that she "couldn't give a fat baby's ass" whether I liked what she did in calling the authorities or not that made me sit up and take note of both her hidden reserve of spicy language, and her fiery temper. Apparently, she's absorbed more than good times and laughter from our friends who visit from The Riverside Park, as was evidenced by her colorful, if debased speech.

Luckily, we were able to keep the wolf from the door, as it were, with a combination of negotiation and an open invitation to our upcoming tastings to the inspector, a most reasonable man, who I count as a friend, much to Emily's chagrin. However, Dr. Emily's action ended up in a final and a last warning form the Sanitation department to clean up after our wine tastings, or else. We are well aware of the nature of the problem, and shall make every effort to conduct our business at the basin in a more neighborly fashion, shall we say, which places us into the labor market for a gentleman to maintain our cleanups twice per week for a reasonable wage. We have already been approached by several of our friends from the park who say they can use the work, and would be happy to dispose of the extraordinary amount of cardboard that we produce with our nightly boxed wine tastings at the Boat Basin. I believe there will be fewer capacity constraints going forward as we host upcoming holiday boxed wine tastings, both in the amount of trash to pile up on our libacious wake, and also a reduction in the amount of contention Merlot feels in a home that includes so feisty a first mate in Dr. Emily, if you will.

Merlot Caps off a Sour Ending with a Sweat Blend

2005-11-02T19:46:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier (Vee-o-Nay) and kind readers,

The comfort of things. This morning, after a late rise, the result of a rather protracted night and early morning of samplings aboard our watercraft, we made our way to self storage, if you will. Once there, we pulled and pushed and unpacked the boxes and bags that lead us to the comfort of things, my hand knitted sweater chief among them. Fall is here, and the weather requires more than a nip brandy to take the chill from one's bones, and it requires even more of one's motor skills to keep one's sweaters free of boxed wine stains, which only increases with difficulty as evenings turn to mornings.

With me on my journey down to the self storage was none other than my very old friend, Chester, with whom we share a passion for flavored tobacco, and pipe smoking. Consequently, we made our way back to the Boat Basin using a rather circuitous path, to the tobacconist, at 5th Avenue and 42nd Street. The selection was most satisfactory, and Chester was in good spirits, on this day after All Saints Day. Next, we made our way to a certain hair stylist, where we had our grooming needs attended to, including shoes shined, nail trimmed, and at one point, our nose hairs trimmed. All in all, it was a most satisfactory day for two chaps on a shining fall day in Manhattan. On our return to the Basin, we found the sherriff attempting to take hold of certain assets of chester, who had his RV parked in one place a bid too long, if you will. With his RV on the end of a tow truck.

Chester's disposition had decidedly changed by then, and it was perhaps more than he could bare. Having been recently evicted by his wife of 9 years, and unable to get his RV's septic tank pumped by commercial vendors, he was already in poor spirits, which I am affraid our day roving about town had only provided minor relief. Chester's lashing out, first verbally, then in more physically lead to a sour end to what had been a pleasant day. It was the first time in recent memory that the remarkable Tazer had been employed at the basin. The last incident involved a former New York Jet football player, who had been caught in the middle of a rather active crush on a resident of the basin who was in the habit of showering with curtains open.

It was in the end, most disheartening to see Chester escorted off to the tomes for the evening, and we shall tap something sweat, and raise a glass to him at our boxed wine tasting this PM. Several friends from The Riverside Park will be happy, as it has been some time since we tapped one of the sweater boxed wines that distributors have forwareded for samplings.

A Black Cat, and a Pit Bull Cross Merlot's Path

2005-10-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

Greetings Voignier, and of course, kind readers,

Early this morning we had an odd thought, a sort of uneasy forshadowing, while taking my morning constitution down the West Side Drive bike path by foot, walking the two odd showdogs dogs of our neighbor Paul, whose business drew him away to Montreal to film a new "feature", starring himself and a woman known as "Animale" in certain circles. Merlot agreed to the task in return for a favor, as Paul often Boat sits, if you will, when we are away on business. From the moment we started out, the phrase rang in our head: "no good deed goes unpunished," which is what our housekeeper Emily told us before we left.

The dogs, Stewart and Ponzi, are a breed with which I am unfarmilar, and have not interest in learning about. Not being a dog person, I was in no position to answer the questions put to me as their guardian, by passersby. Several looked our way, as if we had kidnapped the dogs, who never seemed so stop making waste stops along the banks of the Hudson. But these ackward moments were small compaired to what happened when a black cat crossed our path, and Stewart gave chase, breaking his leash. By the time we caught up to him, we had made Morningside Heights, after he had managed to cross the highway at 79th, following the cat through riverside park the whole way. At 110th, he made a left, never breaking stride until he passed Broadway, heading east until he met with the very large, odd and unsettling bronze statue depicting creation, hell and heaven all at once, at St. John the Devine's Church on 110th, stopping for red lights, of course. The devil's dangling head always gives us pause on viewing it, but less so this time, as we had to get Stewart tied up again, if you will.

Ponzi and I had given chase close behind, in what seemed like the longest walk of my life. It was at the statue that Stewart stopped to water the grass, if you will, and where we were able to reattached his leash to the collar around his neck, after a suitable thrashing about the ears and backside. The black cat, of course, was long gone by now. We planned to window shop at two wine stores to see the featured bottled selections currently on display on the walk back, and thereby make lemons into lemonade, if you will. We where however, unable to go in for fear of someone stealing he most onerious show dogs, and so we decided to walk two blocks to the east to the Central Park. It was on that walk, down the Morningside hill to the park where Stewart and Ponzi had got hold of a discarded roasted chicken platter with rice and beans, nearly yanking our arm from it's socket. No amount of pulling or josteling would get these two off their found booty.

When they finished there meal, we continued to the park, where we met a young gent with a very different kind of dog than Paul's two prized showdogs. On meeting, things appeared casual and friendly, until, it seems, the other dog got a whiff of what Stewart and Ponzi had just finished off, at which point he seem to re-enact Christoper's behavior from last night. The Strange dog began biting before he did any sort of barking, which in our experience is exactly the sort behavior in conflict that will do the most physical harm; and this was not exception. The strange dog, were he a man, was the kind of man who would just as soon knock another man's teeth out as look at him. The dog we faced did his best to chew Stewarts bottom to the bone, while Stewart for his part did his best to get the strange dog's massive jaws off his backside. Ponzi, oddly enough did not seem to want to get involved, and so it was left to myself and the owner of the other dog to pull these two animals apart. The young man, for his part, was quite good natured about it, given the circumstances, to the point when a large woman approached his dog with a pot of boiling water, which she started upon seeing the whole thing unfold from her 3rd floor kitchen window, on Central Park North, just across 110th Street. On seeing the woman with the boiling water approach his dog, he expressed his feeling that she was being "a real motherfucker," if you will.

The owner, who called himself what sounded like "Joel Nickbone," seemed to take it in stride, until he requested that I pay to have his dog's teeth cleaned, which was remarkable, since witnesses actually felt compelled to call 911 on behalf of Stewart, by cellphone, while the strange dog seemed unphased. I, of course, offered to write him a personal check, to which the young man uttered that I was being "a motherfucker," and that he'd rather not bother to take my "motherfucking rubber check". We, of course, told him it was all we had, knowing we would need to use whatever cash we had to get Steward fixed at the Vet. The police, for there part, where good about it, taking the strange dog away from the owner and issuing him a ticket, to which he explained to the police too that he felt, and he could see that they were behaving very much like "a couple of real motherfuckers too". And he fed the ticket to his dog, as he told them so.

And so, we spend several hours at an east side animal emergency room, waiting on Stewart as he was stiched back up, and his hide bandaged. While waiting, without boxed wine to drink, we watched a rerun of a Charlie Rose interview with Joan Didion, who lamented the loss of her husband of 40 years. By contrast, it was quite a sad site to see, whereas, watching Paul's showdogs get chewed was not as bad as one would expect.

It is said that one measure of a society is the way it allows its members to treat animals. I am not sure what it means, when some members leave there guardianship disinterested parties such as myself, while others allow their dog to literally eat other dogs. All in all, we think it a good night for a glass or two of something different, we think.

Merlot Hosts a Tasting of "Lilly Tao's Blush"

2005-10-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

Greetings Voignier and kind readers,

This report comes as we finished another largely successful boxed wine tasting here are the Boat Basin, where 290 guests sampled several new boxed blends produced by our friend and former classmate, Christopher Bloache of Vermont, who was also in attendance with his common law wife, Anita. Anita wasted no time becoming the life of the party, and then making something of a spectacle of herself when she layed out her boxed wine business strategy to a group of prominent wine writers, who had also had a bit too much of Christopher's excellent boxed wines. What followed surprised even Merlot.

As Anita, who may be considered a most liberated woman, explained how she planned to finance and produce a pornographic video for wide release over the internet, featuring their first born daughter, Lilly Tao. Her plan, she explained, was to use "viral marketing" to build awareness for their new boxed wine to be branded, "Lilly Tao Blush". Whether it was Anita's spilling the beans, or out of disagreement with this use of Lilly Tao, to market Lilly Tao blush, we can only speculate about Christopher's motives for what happened next. Personally, we believe the latter to be the case. Christopher, it seems, wasted no time for his part, going "ape shit", as one wine critic put it after the events of the evening in a statement to the police. He explained that Anita told he and a group of other critics how she admired the way Paris Hilton had brought attention to her family's international chain of hotels and casinos, and thought it could work for the Bloache's boxed wine business.

Perhaps Anita felt more than a little entitled to chart their business plan and to make the marketing decisions for their boxed wine largely because it was her 600 acre farm where Christopher had come to live and find his new sobriety, after several years living on the streets of Amsterdam, playing guitar for beer money. It was Anita who met Christopher when he had "hit bottom", and shepherded him through the first of several 12 step programs while living at her family's Malibu beach house, and on her Vermont farm, which she subsequently inherited from her father, who was Editor-in Chief of a prominent publishing house. Soon they married (in a non-western, legally ineffective ceremony), had three daughters, and began producing premium Cheeses. Anita makes it a point to let listeners know that they are not, in fact, legally married, and that she "pays Chirstopher's salary in ass". And now, it was Anita that decided to enter the Bloache family farm into the boxed wine business, and it was Anita's idea to donate a part of the proceeds from the sale of their boxed wine to collect funds for the election of Hillary Clinton in two years..

Anita, as it turns out, was a former Greatful Dead groupie who told several wine critics that Paris Hilton's X rated video/films as something "liberating and empowering to women", and the "ultimate branding op." Anita continued that she has spent a great deal of her youth sleeping with many celebrities, authors, and personages who, she felt, had "enriched her life immeasurably," and that she is a firm believer in "fucking one's way to the top, Monica notwithstanding".

Midway through explaining her rather randy marketing theories, if you will, to several leading wine writers, who were in a position to get their product noticed in short order, or not at all, Christopher, stepped in. He had been drinking (something he has not done in over 17 years) had been listening to Anita's theories and revelations. At one point, he asserted himself forcefully, and began by demanding, with his booming voice that Anita "shut the fuck up", and "cut the groupie bullshit", which in turn made her quite angry for her part. Sad to say, their arguing ended with Christopher walking off our water craft escorted and handcuffed by two of New York's finest for assaulting his wife in front of our guests, several of whom used their cell phones to report his lifting Anita over his head, turning akimbo and dropping her into the water after they spend a good amount of time slapping and kicking each other all over the deck. By most accounts, it was Anita who was getting the better part of Christopher in this slap fight, just after she had used what appeared to be self defense training to place her knee into his gentle parts, which in turn brought Christopher to his knees. Well, needless to say, our guests were most upset to witness the dramatic events, as all but a few are not accustomed to seeing violence. Others were not so upset, that is, the few of our guests who live in the Park across the West Side Drive from us, and who sometime defend their claim to this or that tent, box or other form of shelter. George, who lives in the park told us: "it was like watching a trailer for Charlie's Angles; he B slapped her, and she was kicking his ass, until he flipped her into the drink". It was George who jumped in to help Anita back to the boat, by the by.

Nevertheless, while we are firm believers in the old saw, "there is no such thing as bad publicity", we are not so sure the Bloache family's new boxed wine, Lilly Tao Blush will not be hurt by their "Who'se Afraid of Virginia Wolfe Routine" as Anita described it, later. We hope not; it's a fabulous boxed blend, with an after taste of chocolate, gooseberries and mirth. We give it 4 gobblets, and believe it deserves a place on every American table.

Merlot's Journey to Brooklyn to Buy a New Vehicle

2005-10-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

As we took for lunch three, well salted, leftover cold chicken legs, drawing just two glasses of boxed white Chardonnay, our thoughts turned to the harvest moon, the changing seasons, our younger days, and and great changes ahead, as our dreams are made real by Fernando's cash infusion to our boxed wine enterprise. Our neighbor George who sleeps in Morningside park stopped in and helped himself to a cold leg, and a glass of boxed wine without a word, as is our custom.

We continued to reflect on the many kind people who have stood by us, giving us the kind of moral support that is the life blood of our journey to put a box of wine in every "fridge", if you will. Naturally, our thoughts turned to how we shall ever repay them. Surely regularly feeding George cold chicken and boxed wine could not be our only way of "giving back" if you will.

Our mind races and we think of the many contacts we've made on Wall Street, the bankers and financial experts who have made their way to the Boat Basin for our numerous boxed wine tastings. We shall look into ways to offer these kind people shares in our Initial Public Offering, which shouldn't be long after our premium blends meet the taste buds of a good cross section of the American public.

Next we contemplated how we will generate demand, not only for our wine, but for the shares of our public company. We calcluated the more cost effective ways to distrubute our private lable boxed wine, Gershwin's Gulp, not only to the public, but to the many Wall Street traders who will "make a market" in our shares, if you will. How can we make them farmilar with our product well before the IPO, if possible? We recall reading about the brilliant direct sampling method employed by the Krispy Kream company, as they delivered countless boxed of their doughnuts to stock and bond trading desks throughout the tri-state area many months if not years prior to their wildly successful public offering. Krispy Kream bought there place in the minds of major securities buyers well before a single share was bought. Krispy Kream approached trading desks as shelf space in a supermarket, and it worked in spades, if you will. I believe adopting this method will entrench us in the conscious and unconscious minds of these influential personages, and make our boxed wine company an historic IPO, iike Boston Chicken's historic one day, 20 dollar rise from its offering price.

And so, I decided that we should purchase a suitable automobile to deliver our boxed wine to traders from Boston to DC each week, as we gear up to take our enterprise to the public with an eye toward going public, if you will. To that end we hopped a ride on the back of George's cycle to visit his uncle Primo in Brooklyn, at his place of business. It was a rather bumping ride, and got worse as it became clear that riding on the handle bars was necessary. Nevertheless, our trip across the storied stone bridge, made somewhat easier by the two extra glasses of wine we took before departing.

In seeking expert advise, we realized a professional car seller would be a good resource for information, which is where Primo came in. Primo as a rather gregarious chap, with several amusing anecdotes regarding his recent trip to Madison Square Garden to watch a boxing match. Of course, he made several good points about our size requirements, gas mileage, the year and number of miles on on the car, by seemed to want to talk about anything but cars, and so we listened. Apparently Primo elected to take a bus from his home on Avenue U in Brooklyn, with several friends, and a large group of Japanese tourists.

Before we could point out the irony of a man who would make his living selling cars electing to travel to Manhattan by bus; Primo related that his bus was subjected to robbery by a group of men at gunpoint. Primo's long pause seemed to beg the question, which George put to him at once: "who did it?", to which Primo replied just as quickly in turn: "I don't know but there were 9,320 pictures of the crooks", winking at me as he put George on the spot, if you will, in a rather spot on impression of Rodney Dangerfield.

It was at this point, we suggested a sample of a new of boxed wine sent to us by our friend Christopher Bloache from the state of Vermont. We had carried it on our lap the whole ride to his car lot. The wine has been released in a rather small test batch by a Christopher, who once cycled from Montauk Point to Denver Colorado on a dare. Christopher had since gained 600 acres of prime Vermont farm land from the death of his father in law, and decided to produce various organic Jams, Jellies, Cheeses and now boxed wines. He is that sort of chap, and one of our dearest friends from another life, when we raced cross country together over the hills and dales of New England, defeating some of the most talented runners at leading private high schools. Christopher has left it to us to name his wine, believing we are in the best position to position his new wine, if you will. Having come to see Primo for his view about our best options for a automobile to power our efforts, it occured to us that Primo may be a good source of inspiration to name Christopher's new blend. As it turned out Primos grand father was a wine maker at a time when alcohol was prohibited in the United States. Primo's grandfather eventually migrated back the Italy, with a rather forced hand, where he would go on producing his own wines undeterred by the authorities until the end of prohabition, when he would return to Brooklyn to produce his "Dago Red," as Primo put it. And so, Primo appeared to know quite a bit about wine. After being told a little about our client, and tasting Christopher's blend, Primo offered us a few brand names for consideration. His first suggestion was "White Vinegar," which was amusing, but not much help. It was clear Primo did not prefer Christopher's cask to say, a bottle of White Bolla. When pressed, he said he'd rather not say, and that he would rather not insult anyone he didn't know.

The ride back to the Boat Basin was bumpy indeed.

Merlot Talks Turkey with Fernando on Deal Points

2005-10-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

"Holloa! Starbuck's astir," said the rigger. "He's a livelychief mate that; good man, and a pious; but all alive now, I must turn to."

And so saying he went on deck, and we followed.--

GOING ABOARD, Chapter 21, Moby Dick

Greetings Dearest Frenando,

Once again, we are delighted to hear back from you regarding our burgeoning joint venture in the North America boxed wine business. However, we have reviewed your terms regarding the branding of our boxed wine products and retail chains, and really must insist that we retain control over the marketing, promotion and sales of out products.

We do not mean to be offensive, stubborn or disagreeable on this matter, nor would we want to hurt the chances of our jointing together in commerce. Nonetheless, we are most gifted in mass communications, branding and choosing effective names, trademarks and brands of things, if you will. Please understand that we are perhaps two of the world's leading boxed wine consultants, who focus on these marketing functions, charging upwards of $1,200 US dollars per hour for our work. And so, we must remain inflexible only in this point and in this area, as we believe it is in your best interest and our's.

A sad, remarkable site at Fort Tilden, NY
Sperm Whales occur regularly in deep waters off New York, especially along the edges of submarine canyons (e.g. Hudson Canyon) and along the continental slope - some 70-90 miles from Long Island. Fortunately, Sperm Whales remain one of the most abundant of the large whales

Moving on, we are a bit confused by your suggestion, dear Fernando, where you state: "with retards to your arrival here..." I am not sure what you are suggesting, or if you are actually insulting us in some Jungian fashion. Please explain in your next communication, as we hold the view that "clear arrangements make for good friends," if you will.

Nevertheless, as for trip to your marvelous country, we shall use sea transportation for several sound reasons. First, sea travel affords us the time to reflect on our studies and musings; Second, it will allow us to stop off to visit of our dear friends at http://www.palmmgt.com, who provide us with email hosting services in Costa Rica, where from time to time we house sit if you will on some of the most glorious beachfront properties in the world. Third, we also expect that travel by sea will not only allow your barristers the necessary time to draft and file the necessary paper work before we arrive, which shall make our first meeting most a most productive and joyful affair, but also give us the time we'll need to spearhead public relations announcing our financing and the launch of our new boxed wine lable and retail distribution outlets. To that end, we envision ourselves stepping ashore in South Africa to break open cask after cask of premium boxed wines, as we, you and I, celebrate our joint venture, if you will.

Fourth, we count among our friends, two Directors of publicly traded shipping companies with ports of call in Johannesburg. They have allowed us free transportation the world over for over 10 years, which has allowed us to make contacts on ever continent, as we have built our boxed wine consulting business. Thus, we are simply more accustom to sea travel, and prefer it to Air transportation. More to the point, we are of the mindset of a 19 century men, if you will: masters of our destinies, captains of industry driven not by events, or the fates, those most fickle whores. Rather, the force of our characters guide us to our just rewards; and we believe you are the same sort of fellow, a man who understands his place in the world, and what he needs to do in order to prevail on life's journey.

And finally, we believe or reluctance is justified by recent events with respect to avian flu warnings. We have it from good sources that Air flight may in fact spread this virus, while ship travel is not such a risky means of transportation. Nevertheless, we await your contact information (ie, fax, telephone, address and other contact information), so we may make arrangements to meet on our arrival, and to forward to what you need so we may set sail on this joint "adventure" if you will.

Kind regards,
I remain,
Merlot

Dear Merlot,

I received your message and understood all you have said and suggested. With regards to the brand name suggestions you have made, I would want a name that would reflect both side of the partnership, so we can leave that for now until meet and all arrangements and projects are in place.

I want you to send me your full details to enable me complete the joint venture draft agreement that I am making. The agreement will bind us during the transaction and also indicate what amount will be used for the investments and what will be due to you for your assistance.

With retards to your arrival here, why would you want to come by ship? How many days or weeks would that be at the sea, are you suggesting that you cannot fly by air?

I await your reply.

Best regards.

Fernando.

Merlot is Encouraged By the Statements of Whole Foods Head Wine Buyer

2005-10-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind Readers,

The attached photo was fowarded to me recently, perhaps to mock our efforts to enlighten the American consumer and to advance awareness in North America as to the superior perservation capacity of boxed wines to bottled blends. While Merlot enjoys a joke as much as the next chap, we are less than amused at this frat boy's creative energies, if you will; and we only hope he is devoting as much energy to his studies as to entertaining his chums with his exhibitionism. One wonders if Asian and European engineering students are taking time off to dress themselves as boxed wine, and photographing themselves with fellow libertarian minded women who would draw merlot from their nasty bits. By God man, contain yourself.

Nevertheless, we are encouraged by a recent statement by the head wine purchaser for on of the nation's fastest growing food store chains. Teddye Snell, writing for the Tahlequah Daily Press in Oklahoma reports that Marc Jonna, a national wine buyer for the Whole Foods Market intimated that, and I quote: “Cask wines are the hottest trend in Australia and the U.K." For those of you unfarmilar with Whole Food Market chain, suffice it to say, they now 145 stores in the U.S. and one in Canada as of this writing. The company has made headlines for its growth and profitablity; and its its efforts to modify organic standards to make their foods more suitable for massive distribution requirements to meet the demand of the 15 billion dollar market for "organic" foods. It's also made headlines in New York, as our mayor has advanced efforts to make non-union employers pay for the healthcare expenses of their employees. But this latest news that one can read between the lines of what Whole Foods Market's national wine buyer states is most encouraging.

Encouraged by this observation by a buyer at a leading super market chain, we shall craft a strategic approach to advance our private lable, focusing some percentage of our effort, time and resources on the super market channel, if you will. We can forsee a time when our own brand of boxed wine, may be found on the shelves of every Whole Foods Market beside massive stuffed olives, organic green teas, free ranged chickens, micro brew beers, and fresh baked multigrain breads. We shall ready ourselves for free tastings, and the kind of retail push required to support our unique blends in these 145 stores, and the many more that will no doubt take root across America. We shall be delighted to join the countless food producers who have earned a space on the shelves of this innovative and forward thinking enterprise. We shall direct our thoughts to earning our place among these leading brands with a leading brand of our own.

Merlot Meets Fortune Head On; Our Reply to Fernando

2005-10-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.
-- Stephen Biko

My Dear Fernando,

Your offer is outstanding. We believe that boxed wine stores can be vastly more profitable than arms dealing, and so we would suggest that the lion's share be invested in wine store buildouts, marketing, advertising and developing our own brand of boxed wine.

We have several names selected for brands, and would like your imput as to ones that meet with your approval. We want you to be comfortable with our business arrangement, and to that end, please review the following possible brands:

Bantu Blush
Sullivan's Slerp
Golden Pick Pinot
Freedom Rose

Please let us know what you think. Meanwhile, we shall look into booking our transportation, by ship. Many frieghters offer reasonable rates for no frills chap such as we. It makes our pulse quicken a little to think that we will be out, smelling the fresh sea air, with no horizon, on a ship with good strong men, doing their jobs, on our way to South Africa, to meet with you and your representatives, who will make our boxed wine making dreams a certainty. I look forward to meeting you, and making our partnership the basis of a most successful and enviable jollywoncing.

Kind regards,
I remain,
Merlot

Merlot's Ship Arrives-- Perhaps a New Beging

2005-10-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

"Why do you test for humans?" he asked.
"To set you free."
"Free?"
"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them."
"Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind," Paul quoted.
--"Right out of the Butlerian Jihad and the Orange Catholic Bible," she said.

-- Frank Herbert, Dune

Greetings Voignier and kind readers;

Today is a milestone, a most glorious time. It's safe to say that we are indeed fortunate today, as an acceptance from our far flung friend in South Africa came before us. Our counter-offer of financing has been met with agreement by our benefactor. And thus, we are happy to report that the second leg of our journey to extraordinary wealth and influence has begun.

Earlier today, we received a communication from Fernando of Johannesburg. He invited us to South Africa, and offered a details plain to provide us with the funding we shall need to secure 20 retail stores for out boxed wine outlets. So as you can see, I don't think it's a case of a fool on his folly, or us counting our chickens before they hatch for us to host a tasting here at the Boat Basin to celebrate our extraordinary success with our friends in South Africa. I shall be tapping a box of Merlot at 10pm, and all are invited, to honor the author, Frank Herbert, for his vision.

The time will soon be long past when our critics will term us modern-day "Don Quixotes of the boxed wine trade," who "tilt at wine boxes" as a certain very drunk, jug wine executive stated less than 6 months ago at a storied New York strip club standing just off the stage, in a rather large group of wine importers who gathered to witness a bovine stripper do something not very redeeming with hard boiled eggs, yogurt and a brass pole. This group mocked Merlot. And we have waited with baited breath for the time for the proverbial worm to turn, if you will.

And now, is seems that is has. As if riding on the back of some creature dreamed up by Frank Herbert, returning to lay the old guard to waste, we are closer than ever to getting funded to make our boxed wine dreams a real.

For those interested in the finer points of our deal, note that Frenando elaborated on his original good and timely proposal as follows:

Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 03:08:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: Fernando Ayanua
Subject: Re: you offer

Dear Marlot,

I thank you very much for your response to my proposal and the interest you have shown to help me and do the transaction with me. I understood all you have said, and I want to give you more details and some arrangements, that I am making here to conclude the transaction. .

My reason of contacting you is that I want you to be my foreign partner / funds manager and help me in the transfer of my funds out of South Africa and invest it in projects that will be profitable to the both of us in your country, though the funds were initially meant for the purchase of arms, but we have since decided to use it for a more profitable venture and this is why we want to make a joint venture with you.

Your participation in the transaction will be in two ways or parts, in the first part, you will help me in the transfer of the money out of South Africa to your country, and secondly, you will suggest investments/ projects in your country where part of the money will be invested and manage by you. In the transfer part, you will be required to open an account in your country that will receive the transfer from here, it can be personal account or company account provided it is safe to receive the total amount, but if you already have an account then we can use it.

In the investments/ projects part of the transaction, I would like you to give me details of the investments / projects that you can make available where part of the money will be invested including the present wine business that you are operating. On my own, I have interest in real estate business, buying of private and commercial properties, so I would like you to give me more ideas on the kind of investments that you can provide for the funds.

I am already having discussions with some bank officers here who have agreed to help us in the transfer process. From the discussions with the bankers, you will be required to come down to South Africa to open a non-resident account in your names with one of the commercial bank here. The money will be deposited first in this non-residence account, before it will be transferred to your account in your country. So you are required to come here as soon as possible for the transfer process, and the process will last three bank working days to be completed, and I will then travel back with you to begin the investments part of the proposal. You should not be worry about the transfer of the funds, though it is a very large amount, but the bankers will take care of all the transfers process and procedures. The transfer will be a bank-to-bank transaction after me and you have concluded the initial arrangements.

I want you to make your travel arrangements to arrive in Johannesburg ÂSouth Africa.

I am making a draft agreement between you and me. The agreement will indicate what amount will be due to you for your assistance and as funds manager. It will also indicate what amount will be used for the investments and what amount will be kept for me. I will send it when it is completed in a few days.

Please be very free to call me directly at any time if there is any issue that you do not understand, and I will explain to you. Please I want you to know that I will never do anything that will put you into problems for trying to help or will I do anything that will make me to lose my money, because my life and future depends on this funds. Please I also need total trust and confidentiality from you, for my own security and that of the funds.

I await for your call and your reply soon.

Best regards

Fernando.

Merlot Awaits Funding, and Entertains a Joint Venture

2005-10-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

In a message dated 10/23/2005 5:13:57 AM Central Daylight Time, fernad_01@yahoo.com writes:

JOINT VENTURE INVITATION
Fernando Ayanua 412,
Trambo Ln.,Fayettsburg, Johannesburg, South Africa

Tel: +27 73 446 7341 E-mail: fernad_za@hotmail.com

Dear Sir,
As stated above, my name is Fernando Ayanua. I am 30 years of age, and a stepson of the Angolan warlord and rebel leader, Dr.Jonas Savimbi.

My mother and I are interested in relocating to your country, and venturing all of our funds in excess of some US$32 million, all in US$100 bills; in your line of business, and under your auspices. All funds having being earmarked for the purchase of arms in South Africa, and accrued from the sales of precious stones.

You are to take home 25% of the gross for all your anticipated assistance by the time the funds are successfully lodged in your nominated accounts overseas. But first all we will need to know you more, and also we would need to move the funds and of course ourselves out of this place as soon as we can possibly arrange that to be. My mother and I have carefully worked out the modalities for the eventual transfer.

You are to participate as our foreign partner in the scheme of arrangement. My mother personally requested that I send this mail to you. If this proposal should be of interest to you, kindly signify your interest by replying through my Email address, or better still give me a call on my direct number, which is +27 73 446 7341, for a more detailed insight.

Kindest regards,
Fernando Ayanua.

Greetings, I am Merlot.

Your offer is most excellent Fernando. Moreover, it arrives at a time when my partner, Voignier and I are pursuing business venture and can use the capital. We are leading boxed wine experts, and ultimately shall be boxed wine merchants.

And so, as we begin this journey of retail store empire building, it is good fortune that bringssomeone such are yourself to us, willing to invest in our dream. It is only fitting that these funds, which were earmarked for the purchase ofweapons, should be used to make boxed wine several times more popular. We believe that boxed wine has the power to change lives in many more productive and redeeming ways than weapons.

While it may be true that, "an armed society is a polite society", as Charlton Heston might put it, we believe that boxed wine in society is the oil that lubricates such a society, if you will. And so, you joint venture invitation appears most excellent, and a suitable means to our efforts. However, we can only accept 10 million dolllars, the result of certain agreement we have with our bankers to limit the interest we can extend to outside parties. With this in mind, we look forward to planning a trip to your magnifiecent land and shall wait for your directions as to the modalities.

I must disclose in the interest of fairness that we have been approached by several other offers to finance our enterprise, and shall be bound to accept the first funding that makes its way to our door with actual funding.

Regards,
I remain,
Merlot

Merlot Recalls William J. Casey Over a Bad Box

2005-10-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings kind readers,

Merlot is in a bit of a funk today, after a night of light drinking a most unsatisfying boxed wine from a country other than those included within those federation of states with membership in the Boxed Wine Association of North America and Parts of Chile. I can only liken the wine in question to liquid jam, or jelly if you will, a kind of sweetened glug produced for those more interested in buzz than flavor. It was more well received by our friends who live in the park, than our neighbors here at the Boat Basin.

As we look over this morning's headlines from the media, and the television news, we are left mindful of Edmond Burke's oft quoted derivation from Dante's pen: "The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who remain neutral in times of crisis." Certainly William J. Casey was no neural party in the war against the kind of state lead cleptocracy represented by last century's communist "de-evolutions", if you will.

While it is not for the solder to question the moral ground on which he stands, as he defends and extends American style commercial, political and personal freedoms in far flung lands; it is perhaps out duty as citizens to do so, and to let our elected officals know what direction is best for the free people of the United States, including its subsidiaries and franchisees, if you will. Moreover, one must consider that these so called far flung places are not so far, when one considers the number of jobs going to places even further away, along with the capital of investors, chasing better margins, like the bottom dollar on a Friday night at Hunt's Point, if you will. And so, Merlot is in a position and the mood to reflect and offer his findings of his studies of freedom, oil and terror in North America. And the moral ground on which America stands overseas are well within or pervue, regardless of the quality of boxed wine we are consuming. We remain, objective, in spite of this nasty glug we have turned loose on the inhabitants of the Boat Basin, and those few "campers" who we count as friends, from the park between the West Side Drive and West End Avenue.

Edwin Burke's "neutrality" and indifference, if you will, seems to be everywhere. Nowhere is this more true than in Washington, where media employees prattle on with Charlie Rose imposing their view about "the mess in the middle east," and what is best for the United States, ignoring the hard facts that brought us shake out the dirty dealing Iraq president and his degenerate sons. The fact that the America war has ended the black market deals that created overhang in the oil markets is ignored, like an empty cask of Blush, dropped on the West Side Highway's bike path, after one of our famous Halloween Boat Basin Bashes. The fact that America is in a more proactive position to address the behaviors of rouge states that boarder Iraq and Afganistan is also left aside but these imported beer drinking sages, who point to the faulty rational that brought the United States into the Middle east, as they fail to remember that even a broken clock is correct twice each day. And so, if millions of lives are made better by the introduction of freedom, and if economic advances come from America being able to offer Russia a warm water port for its oil and goods (a reward for abandoning public sector cleptocracy that was the USSR), and if the international capital and commodity markets are improved as black markets, and near black markets (read "China") are rolled up like so many terror cells spouting out their Arabian songs three times per day, is the conclusion a great so what? Are these not important considerations, even if America is putting up the seed monies to reform a world that is a bit off its economic and political axis, while other "developed" nations sit on their French, German and Dutch asses, consuming hyped cheeses, meats and bottled wines, waiting to reap the benefits of our sacrifices? Are they? Is boxed wine a better value than bottled? Need we answer? Do wiser men drink boxed wines? Would Miles Copeland III's Belly Dance Super Stars be welcome in Lebanon, or say, at the college of he and of his father, Birmingham Southern College?

In a Gallup poll last year of almost 10,000 Muslims in nine countries, respondents described the United States as "ruthless, aggressive, conceited, arrogant, easily provoked and biased."

And so, Merlot believes he could do much to turn those perceptions around, applying the moder marketing methods that have made the Boxed Wine Assocation successful. All that remains is funding, which would give us the required means to need to take meaningful action, and improve America's image abroad, and perhaps boxed wine's image at home. And to that end, we are delighted to have received yet another email offer of funding for god's work if you will, as we continue to wait for our African friends to transfer assest for our enterprise. This time, from a kind man from Hong Kong, which goes to prove that not all of China is as corrupt as we should be lead to think by reports from media sources. In this case, our good fortune would be the result of misdeeds by Iraqi military, whose plunder will be our gain, if we can come to terms with Mr. Ming Yang, of Hong Kong:

MR. MING YANG
HANG SENG BANK LTD.
83, Des Voeux Road.,
Central HK,
Hong Kong.

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Ming Yang
director of operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an
obscured business suggestion for you.

Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Gen. Aadel Akgaal Bastaan
who was with the Iraqi forces and also businessman made a
numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value
of Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State
Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity several
notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in
2003. Again after the war another notification was sent
and still no response came from him. We later find out that
the General along with his wife and only daughter had been
killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.
You can read more about the bombings on visiting these
sites below:

http://www.ccmep.org/usbombingwatch/2003.htm#3/19/03

http://civilians.info/iraq/deaths_data.php

After further investigation it was also discovered that
Gen. Aadel Akgaal Bastaan did not declare any next of kin
in his official papers including the paper work of his bank
deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at
my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my
bank. So, Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United
State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will
ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that
according to the laws of my country at the expiration 3 years
the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government
if nobody applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop,
my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to
stand as the next of kin to Gen. Aadel Akgaal Bastaan so that
you will be able to receive his funds.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE:

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out
so that we shall come out successful. I have an
attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will
back you up as the next of kin to Gen. Aadel Akgaal Bastaan,
all that is required from you at this stage is for you to
provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the
attorney can commence his job. After you have been made the
next of kin, the attorney will also fill in for claims on
your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of
probate in your favour for the move of the funds to an
account that will be provided by you.

There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are
going adopt a legalized method and the attorney will
prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to
observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this
issue.Should you be interested please send me your full
names, private phone/fax and current residential address

And finally after that I shall provide you with more details
of this operation.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards
Mr. Ming Yang

Merlot Urges a Young Turk: Box Your Wine Sir!

2005-10-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

Merlot typically waits for something to strike him from the ethers, something worth putting fingers to keypad, if you will, and to relay to our kind readers, and Voigner. Today is perhaps an exception, as we survey headlines for news and information of interest, with nothing jumping out at us, with the exception of a story about a young chap in Forbes Magazine. Anne Field reported that this young MBA named Matt Hedges, who is bringing a group of Argentine wines to market in America, with the backing of a major wine importer, Epic Wines, which introduced this young man to 50 or more wine distributors.

His approach was simple, as is ours: assault the $22 Billion American wine business with good quality products that are unique, if somewhat less great the American blends. His efforts stand out because Argentine wines he brings to market are largely ignored in America until now. And so this young"winentrepreneur," offers added value to the rainbow of American graped flavors by bringing something unique to the America table (using "winentrepreneur", a word Merlot hereby coins, uses, and declares to be a service mark of this wine writing enterprise we are building). Forbes reports that Hedges revenues have topped 1 Million Dollars this year, to wit, we say, bravo, with one caveat: Box Your Wines Sir!

Surely none are worth storing for decades or more, as less than 1 in 10 wines are suitable to improve with age. If you value freshness, then one can do nothing better than to box their blends for the American market, which shall not only improve their shelf live once tapped, but also make your tastes of Argentina much more affordable to an already strapped America consumer, very much in need of wine's medicinal effects as he and she think of ways to meet their rising mortgage payments.

Merlot Foresees Zbigniew and Huraldo Sometime Soon

2005-10-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

As we watch the television in the main room of our "mother ship", to quote Funkmaster George Clinton, if you will, and finish the last drops from a box of fresh Chilean Merlot, for purposes of comparison, we search the images on the screen, in an effort to look behind the eyes, if you will, to see the soul of a great mind like that of Zbigniew Brzezinski's as he angles, ducks, jabs and rolls, like an Olympic boxer on the PBS Newshour, explaining how the American's should view how they are being viewed by those viewing American actions overseas.

With the aftertaste of mint, chocolate, orange peels and pimentos, we come to a true appreciation for the complexities of international relations, and how great nations need great men with great minds like Zbig, as his friends call him, we hear tell. America needs the great minds of these great men to be sure and to be certain that they are viewed, as they mean to be viewed in the eyes of a world looking to it for leadership and for moral guidance, the way ducklings look forward as they cross the road. Men like Zbig help us to know ourselves better to be sure, the way a wise man turns to his Taylor to know what kind of figure he cuts as he moves from lobby to podium, to limo.

About the time, Saddam Hussein was finishing his state visit to France, before taking the control of Iraq where in turn he began a nuclear weapons project which lead to his bomb, Osirak, with French help, Zbignuiew made a name for himself both working for the President Carter as National Security Advisor, and as a professor of international relations. He is the author of many books including The Choice: Global Domination or Global Leadership (Basic, 2004), The Geostrategic Triad: Living with China, Europe, and Russia (CSIS, 2001), The Grand Chessboard: American Primacy and its Geostrategic Imperatives (Basic, 1997), and The Grand Failure: The Birth and Death of Communism in the 20th Century(Scribner, 1989). More than a few presidents have turned to him for advise about international relations, and the shifting alliances and allegiances that one day make the French our friends, and the next day make the French something perhaps other than our allies, and energy wars place us over a barrel, as solders square off; and Saddam sings for his Doritos in prison, waiting for his big day in court, as the eyes of the world turn look upon a man whose deeds toward his "subjects" will surely outlive his poems, his fine automobiles, and his storied video tape collection or his work with the American CIA.

It was wonderful to see Zbig, cutting off his fellow panelist, and assertively his view of the tragic events in the middle east. So confident, so assured, so certain that the known unknowns ought never be cause enough for inaction, a 19th century man of action, making history us as he goes. Isn't that the hub of our existence? Aren't we just omnivorous bipeds, conjuring up metaphors to extend the reach of our opposable thumbs, and making it up as we go along?

It made us think for a minute, what a fine tasting event it will be when Zbig and Henry Kissinger are discussing the finer points of Chilean boxed white, as photographers and Heraldo Rivera (or "Jerry Rivers") turn to Merlot, to ask us questions about the details of our latest sponsored event, or the upcoming launch of a new retail outlet for the sale of America's leading boxed blends. We think of a time we shall look back with a sense of amusement, pride and achievement on these these days, when we are so concerned with worldly matters, such as raising capital to secure suitable locations across the eastern seaboard for our boxed wine empire, or securing suitable packaging for our own, in house boxed wine blends, or bartering for the necessary design work for our empire's signage. We are well aware that the world is full of grander schemes, and perhaps greater prayer; but we can not help to look forward to a day, when boxed wine is the leading repose of the American consumer, a trend that could spread as widely at Microsoft XP, if managed well enough.

What a day that will make, ah Voignier? One day, we shall look back on these days, as Heraldo Rivera looks back on his special report from Al Capone's safe!

Boxed Wine Reviewers Anger Merlot, with "Drinking Inside the Box"

2005-10-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yet another report has surfaced entitled: "Drinking Inside the Box," which was perhaps a clever turn of phrase when it was first used to direct readers to the benefits contained therein, if you will. However, that was some time ago-- perhaps too long, and we feel the phrase is worn, like the springs of a mattress within Nevada's storied Mustang Ranch.

If it would do any good, we would appeal to boxed wine writers everywhere to refrain, and to pay closer attention to their language and usage as they bring knowledge to the masses in describing the benefits of boxed blends. Examples appear to be everywhere Merlot turns his gaze (see, here,in Chicago, here,in Atlanta and here, in Milwalkee, and here, in California).

I would be nice to have this buzz phrase, if you will, placed on ice, and locked away from any boxed wine musing in the future. We feel as though we should rather soak our heads and bob for floating turds in the Hudson, as it were, here from the deck of our floating home at the Boat Basin, if we read any more wine writings entitled: "drinking inside the box".

Writes Andrew Raven, of the Lowell Sun, in the great state of Massachusettes, with the above linked photos of a California blend: "Boxed wine is no longer a low-brow alternative to cheap beer at a college frat party,"

"Judging by the shelves at local wine shops, wine in a box has gone upscale. High end labels are now available in airtight plastic bags packaged inside flashy cardboard boxes.

The benefits of these boxed beverages are numerous, explains Don Muraca, a sales manager with wine distributor MS Walker in Boston.

“The wine lasts longer because no air gets inside,” said Muraca. “It's also more convenient.” more>>

Merlot Addresses His Critics' Godwottery

2005-10-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Greetings Viognier, and Kind readers.

Recently, we have received critical various email from readers, accusing us of inflated language, false hopes, and out-right lies. My reply is as follows:

Merlot believes that categorical denial will not do much good to change the judgments of those who have made up their minds about us, perhaps determined to hang him from the highest tree they could find along the banks of the Hudson, in some small desolate corner of the park just off New York's West End Avenue.

And so, let me take make an attempt a some small persuasion. First, let me say I have no relationship, professionally or otherwise with Robert J. Parker, the wine critic who has been given credit for establishing a numerical rating system used in so many wine stores to market and promote their blends to the American masses. It has been alledged that Merlot is actually a nom 'd plum of a close associate of Parker, which is a complete untruth. We are in no way "Parker's Toady", or "trying to force feed Americans boxed wine, using mass communications like some pimp selling the fat lady at the cat house for half price" as has been charged. Nor are we "Parker's little pony", or "Parker's beard," or "Parker's little pumpkin ass", or "Parker's Ass Clown". As I stated, Parker is not an associate, friend or acquaintance for that matter. Merlot is not in any way related to this individual, and his in now way attempting to peruse any business relationship with Mr. Robert J. Parker, or anyone in his organization..

In point of fact, Merlot is in the camp of wine tasters, critics and gourmands who oppose Robert Parker's idea that wine is to be rated, with a single number, not unlike a move critic who uses his thumb to offer a stamp of approval, like so much beef under the USDA inspector's watchful eye. Moreover, we here from a reliable source of information that Parker's tastes run to fruity blends at the expense of more classic tasting wines, which is to say, the man does a disser In short, Merlot is no fan of Robert J. Parker, or his rating system.

Secondly, in no particular order. False hopes are the refuge of the desperate man, which is something Merlot believes. However, whether or not our African financing "comes through," our business plan remains sound, and our determination shall remain unaffected. We will not be swayed, and remain confident that funding shall come through, just as lighting strikes the most promising places.

Third, Merlot is no liar, and thus, these musing are not lies, if you will. If you won't, then to the devil with you.

Finally, Merlot's style and usage are the natural extension of a cultivated man, and certainly not the godwottery* of some small mind, seeking the adulation of some imagined noble stature. We speak as we live, without apologies, on a higher plain using the english language, that most perfect imperfect vehicle of commerce, science and art, the way it is meant to be used. If that places us above the sweaty balled, beer guzzling masses in their wife beaters, rooting for this or that sports franchise, then so be it. We have no remorse for the envies of lesser men; and we remain, Merlot.

*"godwottery"
from "A garden is a lovesome thing, God wot!"a poem by
Thomas Edward Brown (1830-1897).

A word with a dual personality. Poet T.E. Brown unwittingly
helped coin it when he wrote a poem describing his garden filled with all
that came to his mind: grotto, pool, ferns, roses, fish, and more.

And when he needed a word to rhyme with the line "Rose plot," he came up
with "God wot!" He used "wot", an archaic term that's a variant of wit
(to know), to mean "God knows!" and it stood out among other contemporary
words in the poem.

If you wish to create your own godwottery, we recommend: sundials, gnomes,
fairies, plastic sculptures, fake rockery, pump-driven streams, and
wrought-iron furniture. A pair of pink flamingos will round it out nicely.

Fortune Reaches Out Again to Merlot

2005-10-17T23:07:00.000-07:00

My Dear Eunice Kumallo,
I am Merlot.

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits.

Perhaps you've read my reviews in leading wine and food publications. I am perhaps the leading boxed wine critic in north America, and parts of Chile, if not the world. Nevertheless, your communication comes at an aspicious time for my associate and I, as we are launching a new venture, or adventure, if you will in boxed wine production, distribution, and retail sales. Our aim is simple: we shall be a fully intergrated boxed company, with outlets in ever major state of the American union.

We hope that you and your son will consider investing, not more than 10 million dollars to help us build it, as we are constrained by certain covinents with our bankers. I must disclose that we are currently in negotiations with 3 other African financiers for similarly structured transactions. We b elieve it is important to discloses these other offers in the interest of fair play.

We believe your would realize extraordinary returns, where you to invest your assets in our enterprise; however, we can not say for certain, for fear of running afoul of securities laws and regulation. Chalk it up to life's folly that we are sometimes constrained from saying what we mean when we can only say what we can.

Regards,
I remain,
Merlot

Private and ConfidentialFrom Mrs. Eunice KumalloAbidjan - Côte d'Ivoire

My dear,
It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my Son,intend to establish in your country.Though I have not met with you before but I believe, one has to risk confiding in someone to succeed sometimes in life.There is this amount of FIFTEEN Million US Dollars ($15.000.000.00) which my late Husband deposited with a security company in Abidjan Capital city of Cote d'Ivoire which he wanted to used for his political ambition in our Country before he was assassinated.

Now I and my son have decided to invest these money in your country or anywhere safe enough outside Africa for security and political reasons. We want you to help us claim and receive the consignment which will be sent to you through diplomatic means to your address to avoid any traces of the funds and to enable you plan for the investment in your Country:

I will like to invest part of the money into these three investment in your Country but, if there is any other business that is better than my suggestion, I will be very glad to follow your advice.

1). Real estate
2). The transport industry
3). Five star hotel

If you can be of an assistance to us we will be pleased to offer to you 20% Of the total fund while the balance will be invested by you. I await your soonest response.

Respectfully yours,
Mrs. Eunice Kumallo

Merlot's Latest Blend Finds a Name

2005-10-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

It was said of the great musical genius Chopin, that he carried himself with the air of royalty. George Sand, who has been called the first modern, liberated women, and who was Chopin beautiful exotic lover, said of him: "he was not made for this earth." By contrast, Gershwin was a brash, America spirit, with a full the life and possibilities of the new world. We shall return to the reason for our observations after our report about last night's activities.

Last night, Voignier and I hosted a tasting, at the Basin, where several prominent individuals from the food and beverage industries met with food and wine publishing executives, restaurantures, and several women from, shall we say, another line of work. This tasting was the result of a collaboration with three leading New York State vineyards that supplied the blends that we personally selected in certain ratios.

In spite of the distractions offered by the entertainment these women supplied, the wine tasting was a screaming success, literally, when a top executive chef from one of New York's leading restaurant organizations climbed the mast of a nearby boat owned by Gus', our affable absentee neighbor.

"En Vino Ve Re Tas!" cried the chef, "and "Wolfgang Puck can Kiss My Cuban ass! Not the right side, and not the lefts side by right in the red eye that stinks, not the one that winks," he continued, before falling nearly 20 feet into the chilly Hudson, which required a concerted effort by several leading food and wine editors to save his Cuban ass, if you will, which ironically is attached to a Cuban body that could not swim.

I report these facts not for the sake of some morose obsession with bawdy behavior for the sake of telling to snickering voyeurs who tune in to live vicariously through Merlot and Voigniers extraordinary lives. No. We disclose these events in order to illustrate the effect our product has on our "end users," if you will, and with apologies for using a phrase coined at the height of our nation's market madness driven by new technologies, and creative, if corrupt accounting. Our business by contrast is quite old fashion in the sense that we believe in delivering to our "end users" unbeatable value for a very tangible, and superior tasting boxed wine, and not the pretense of improved efficencies, reduced toils, speedy cacluations, or the promise of so much blue sky. That said, judging from the response last night, and the cleanup this morning, those late rising professionals who seemed to lose track of their clocks, if you will; we think it is safe to say, these blends are ready to roll out.
After consideration of these events and the foregoing product delivered to us for sampling, I have decided to name at least one blend, Gershwin's Gulp, which we feel captures both a sense of tradition and a kind of cutting edge, post-modernists sensibility, if you will. Our second blend, a White wine, from the finger lakes region, shall be called: Sand and Chopin's Brand. Of course, we welcome your comments, kind reader, which is not to say we shall honor requests to change what we believe are the extraordinary branding tools we've hit upon in these names. We believe the first of these musical geniuses' names evokes the right kind of Big, Brash, flavor that can religate "Wolfgang Puck" to the same landfill Americans have deposited their pet rocks and mood rings. Gershwin's Gulp shall be burned into the American consciousness, as thousands first taste it in the form of free samples at our boxed wine stores, conventions and in leading restuarants, such as Ruby Tuesday's and Applebees, where we will provied casks of Gershwin's Gulp for free, to earn shelf space. Once entrenched, we believe it is say will shall dominate the boxed wine market for years to come, making Turning Leaf, yesterday's headline, no suitable to wipe a camper's "red eye" if you will.

As for Sand and Chopins Brand we believe by using small scale advertising in The New York Review of Books, and Harper's, we shall gain market share among the best and brightest, and finest minds of our time. We shall offer boxed wine shipping to those states that allow the practice, and in doing so, we shall reach a network of taste makers spanning our North America and Parts of Chile, if not far flung places, where expats live under sheltering skys, if you will. Stay tuned for our upcoming events, following our African funding.

Greetings...

2005-10-15T18:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings Michael,
I am Merlot. Perhaps arguably, I am one of North America's leading boxed
wine critics. Perhaps not. Nonetheless, I would like details about
producing my own blend of boxed wine using your services. I have
surveyed Crushpadwine.com and am intregued by your offer to help
typical American gourmands and individuals such as myself who are not
so typical, make private lable blends. My associate, Voignier and I
believe we are on the verge of a breakthrough in the process of making
our boxed wine dream very much a reality.

I wonder if you might be willing to aid me, as I start my adventure in
boxed wine production, marketing and distribution via a network of
retail outlets on the East coast.

Regards,
I remain,
Merlot

Merlot Explores Private Lables, with Investors

2005-10-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

Greetings Voignier, and Kind readers,

With the tenacity of a Carpenter ant, perhaps, Merlot has continued a search for wine industry related business opportunities to augment our plan, if you will. With the firm believe that chance favors the prepared mind, we have searched for and discovered yet another avenue of opportunity for our boxed wine empire building project. The Wall Street Journal's "Realestatejournal.com" offers information about three attractive wineries for sale in California, which could easily be incorporated into our production process, once our African investor's kind offers are made real with a wire transfer of not more than 10 Million Dollars.

Click here to see these private label wineries, where we can produce our own blend of boxed joy to sell in our chain of wine stores that will surely feature boxed wine. I believe it is vital that for us to offer an "in house" brand of boxed wine, and one of these three excellent properties. As Lauren Baier Kim reports in the Realestatejournal.com:

"It's grape harvest time in California. Early in the month, there is the Napa Wine and Crafts Fair with wine tasting and live music in downtown Napa, Calif. At the end of the month is the Sonoma County Harvest Fair in Santa Rosa, Calif., where visitors can sample and purchase more than 500 local wines. Here's a look at three vineyard estates up for sale in California's Sonoma and Napa counties. ..more>>

I encourage our readership to contact us for information on participating in this real estate investment opportunity, which shall be shepherded by our African investors. Under Merlot and Voignier stewardship, if you will, I believe investors in our boxed wine enterprise could stand beside two of the most successful boxed wine entrepreneurs in the history of boxed wine in North America and parts of Chile.

Kind readers, lucky enough to reach out to the authors of these pages will be getting in at the ground floor of something monumental and quite simply, a remarkable ear for boxed wine makers such as we.

Voigniers Recent Communication..

2005-10-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

This AM Voignier called in a harried state. Barely able to contain himself, he describe a meeting he took with a certain high ranking boxed wine executive from a North eastern state who intimated that his organization may not be adverse to helping us build our venture into something grand in exchange for shelf space.

We are awaiting more information, but this news makes us hopeful, however mindful we remain of Emily Dickinson's caution that: "hope, is a thing with feathers."

Another Aquisition Target for Our Boxed Wine Empire

2005-10-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

Greetings Voignier and Kind readers,

I have uncovered several targets for our acquisition, to roll up, if you will, into our burgeoning chain of boxed wine retail stores. I have reason to think this store is particularly attractive for it's potential internal rate of return. I believe by adding several lines of the nation's leading boxed wine brands, featured prominently in strategic points throughout this location, we will be in the cat bird's seat, if you will.

I have engaged the services of two leading Yale trained architects to design an addition to this location that will be used or wine tastiings, and for sampling some of the finest hand made, America artisan cheeses and American smoked meats, American canned oysters and American pearl onions. Working together, we shall create an idea place to showcase American specialty items with premium boxed wines to America's elites, who shall have their cars parked by our vallet our ully heated, gated parking facility.

Wine and Liquors - High Volume/Profit in Fairfield County
Fairfield County, Connecticut

Asking:	$530,000
Gross:	$1,130,000
Cash Flow:	$205,000

Business Summary

Established high-volume wine and spirits store in the fastest growing area of Fairfield County. High margin wine sales and low operating costs create exceptionally high return. Very low occupancy cost - far below regional average. Adding to profitability, this compact store can be operated by owner/manager plus part time help only. Local market consists of 15,000 households with median $70,000 + annual income within a 10 mile radius. Located in the traditional and most convenient shopping plaza closest to established and new neighborhoods. Safe, rural character. Ideal market to expand sales of upscale wines, liquors. New owner can add Lottery for additional income of $10,000+. Fully equipped - walk-in and stand-alone coolers, security system, registers, large storage ares, etc, etc.
Turnkey.

Greetings Mr. Ayo Yasmine, as Chance Favors the Ready Mind

2005-10-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

Greetings Mr. Ayo Yasmine,,

I am following up on your communication with my associate, Voignier. As you know, we are two of North America's leading voices in the boxed wine industry. Let me say that we are delighted that you have chosen us for you business proposition.

While we regret the circumstances of this fortune, we will nevertheless do our most to honor the names of those have fallen to bring about these transfers of assets. We shall certainly do good with your funding.

We must also insist that you limit your personal contribution to $10 million dollars, as this is the limit that we may take in under certain covenant with our bankers, who are funding our chain of boxed wine retail outlets in North America and parts of Chile.

We look forward to hearing from you, and await further instructions for obtaining your funding.

Kind regards,

I am,

Merlot

A Study in Merlot

Merlot's ongoing good fortune...

Boxed Wine Tasting in Long Island City

Dr. Wu's New Deal

Returning from Our Argentinian Sabbatical

Greetings in April

A 500,000 GBP Winning Ticket, as We Sail Spring Sets in at the Basin

Another Proffer from a Man with Two First Names

Sister Ruth's Winter Solstice and Brotha Mike's Break

Seasons Greetings, as we pack and head south

Out of Africa: another modest $22 Million Dollar 419 proposal

Good 419 News from the Swiss!

A Remarketable New Service for Unboxed Wine Lovers

More Good Fortune: Another Outstanding Proffer from Ghana

A Few of our Favorite Things...

Another Rare Find in Canada Offers Favor for the Prepared Mind

Romper Room

Don't let them fool ya, or even try to school ya...

Now that the court order preventing us from exercising our First Right is lifted

Brotha Mike's Work in Huston, and the Nature of Our Work...

Our Guests Lock Horns

419: Another Winning Email!

Dr. Frank Owusu's Appeal for Great Gains

Mike and Jimmy Discuss the Party in Your Head

Dr. Emily's Brother Offers a Helping Hand

Getting the Boxed Wine Buzz Out in The Big Easy...

Merlot Reaches the Big Easy

Merlot hits on 16, and sticks on 17 to for greater gains

Merlot's Search for the Truth about Boxed Wine

Merlot's Approach to the Dragons of Eden

Merlot Talks Turkey, and Cheese

Merlot Journey Through Russia with Mike Drinking

Merlot's Task Widens

Merlot Takes to Shore...

Our Communication from Dr. Okuna...

Merlot's Journey to Florida Along the Intercoastal...

Homer Makes Contact

Merlot's Tribute to Martin Ritt's Films, and Homer's Talk

Recovery in the Boat Basin

Merlot's Road Movie Screeings, and Poker Party

Dr. Michael Hunter Helps Merlot with Sister Ruth

Dear Merlot

Merlot's Trip to the Central Valley

Heartened by Proof of David's Plight

Grep Lept for Kara's Kelp, A Study of Sideways Events

Merlot's Membership Drive in Antartica Faces Setbacks

Merlot May Already Be a Winner!

Merlot Gathers Intelligence, and Hires Mr. Ito

Merlot's Study of Celebrity, and the "Sideways Effect" in the America Wine Market

Merlot Bails Out Chester, While Crossing Emily

Merlot Caps off a Sour Ending with a Sweat Blend

A Black Cat, and a Pit Bull Cross Merlot's Path

Merlot Hosts a Tasting of "Lilly Tao's Blush"

Merlot's Journey to Brooklyn to Buy a New Vehicle

Merlot Talks Turkey with Fernando on Deal Points

Merlot is Encouraged By the Statements of Whole Foods Head Wine Buyer

Merlot Meets Fortune Head On; Our Reply to Fernando

The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. -- Stephen Biko

Merlot's Ship Arrives-- Perhaps a New Beging

Merlot Awaits Funding, and Entertains a Joint Venture

Merlot Recalls William J. Casey Over a Bad Box

Merlot Urges a Young Turk: Box Your Wine Sir!

Merlot Foresees Zbigniew and Huraldo Sometime Soon

Boxed Wine Reviewers Anger Merlot, with "Drinking Inside the Box"

Merlot Addresses His Critics' Godwottery

Fortune Reaches Out Again to Merlot

Merlot's Latest Blend Finds a Name

Greetings...

Merlot Explores Private Lables, with Investors

Voigniers Recent Communication..

Another Aquisition Target for Our Boxed Wine Empire

Greetings Mr. Ayo Yasmine, as Chance Favors the Ready Mind

The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.
-- Stephen Biko