Hail fellows, well met, greetings, salutations and thank you for attending this study in Merlot, a chronicle of man's passion for excellence, and a compendium of the finest epicurean pursuits in the history of history. As Oscar Wilde observed: "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." As I hope you shall see in these studies, Merlot is certainly not "most people" in Wilde's sense.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Boxed Wine Tasting in Long Island City
Tonight, we'll be hosting a blind boxed wine tasting in Long Island City at the VFW near the bridges. Dr. Wu has promised to drive, and remain sober for the night, while Dr. Emily is making finger foods out of several days scraps from area restaurants.
We'll be gathering video feedback from attendees, many of whom stay in an area Men's shelter. We'll be reporting our findings hereafter.
As it turns, my trusted assistant, Dr. Wu's is something of a leopard who has been baring his spots for the past year, and yet he's also something of a bear to deal with on the subject of shutting down his new and varied business interests, which range from spam email operations offering penis pills, gambling, vitamins, pornography, and oddly enough an online kidney exchange. So successful is Dr. Wu's operation that he's made us an offer to buy out our Boxed Wine Consulting Service, boat slip and all.
He's holding firm in his newly discovered lines of business. Wu's background as a former Wall Street "quant" and computer modeling expert makes him almost too well suited to pluck the low hanging fruits of web based virtual business world. Curiously, another habit of which the Dr. has also re acquired is lubricating his love for Gin, and past 6pm, he's impossible to talk with. Dr. Emily is the only person with whom he cares to speak, and to make matters worse, he periodically asks her: "may I touch your tits". Dr. Emily for her part, is not amused by our Research Coordinator errant, if you will.
I suppose we should count ourselves lucky he has no taste for boxed wines, which means our stockpile of free samples from our clients has remained safe, at least from Dr. Wu. However, our Riverside Park employees are another storied mess. After their shifts, collecting empty wine bottles from NY's finer restaurants, each has grown accustomed to drinking some of the profits, if you will, from our stored Boxed Wine supply, which Dr. Wu had guarded so well, before his foray into his not nefarious businesses.
Apparently, Dr. Wu has also run afoul of most of our remaining staff for his efforts to monopolize the affections of all of the "working girls" who've been enlisted to operate an "in call" service on the boat. The Dr., it turns out becomes quite the lover when under the influence of drink, and many of the girls, and many of their supporting staff have been put off by his propensity to "eat the profits" if you will. Moreover, his love on onions, garlic, ginger and curry makes this a particularly unpleasant experience for the "service providers" who've entertained his proffers. It's a fine mess, a social networking disaster of the first order.
At this rate, I'm afraid it will take a great effort to rekindle our foot hold as New York's premier Box Wine consulting firm.
Our South American Sabbatical was a halogen time for myself and the small support staff I assembled to root out the market potentials for grapes of our Southern neighbors. Argentinian wines offer gigantic potential profits for our Box wine producing sponsors, and it took very little research to establish baselines and economies of scale for them.
Nevertheless, we did miss much of the excitement of seeing America's first president to have African heritage elected to lead us out of the perceived decline that is fueling a massive boom in the Boxed wine markets around the world. Let's wish him luck, even as we enjoy consumer's shifting priorities and increased appreciation for what grapes and boxes have to offer, if you will.
Dr. Emily and a select few marketing research and community organizers made the trip with the kind support of several of the industry's leading producers of Box wines and spirits who took advantage of our unparalleled success developing new products. Unfortunately, what we left in our wake has turned sour in our absence, including out boat slip at the 79th Street Boat Basin. It appears several of our trusted staff regained the taste for the grape, in spite of their diagnosed alcoholism and sober living for several years.
Perhaps the free samples sent from our sponsors were a temptation too great to dash upon the rip rock along the West side drive; or maybe it was in the course of cleanup after the excessive party schedule established to raise money to pay slip fees. I suppose some combination of economics and character failings are at root. Nevertheless, we've had to make some changes at the boat basin, if you will. And the probationary period will not be ending anytime soon, however hard it will be for research and support staff to separate their habits from their new found, or "rediscovered" ideals.
Our first major change upon return was to re establish the nightly Alcoholic Anonymous meetings on the deck (weather permitting), and making them a prerequisite of any and all staff members who choose to remain in our employ.
Secondly, we've ended the use of the boat slip as a nesting ground for "erotic service providers" associates of the staff, offering "in calls", using Craigslist.
Thirdly, we have banned all fireworks, bon fires, and firearm sales.
Fourth, the boat can not longer be rented out for use as a studio for erotic film makers, or as a place for "investors" in such activities meet and discuss their business opportunities.
Sixth, all futons have been removed and carried to The Riverside Park for disposal, which should help to eliminate the bed bug problem.
Seventh, the hard drive of the desktop was cleaned of all "unrelated business", including but no limited to use as a Spam server for penis enhancement pills, gambling, pornography, and as an Kidney exchange bidding site. Our trusted assistant has reverted to his unique, if corrupt skill set that brought him to our doorstep so many years ago.
Eighth, bear knuckle fighting and amateur boxing matches are banned, no matter what famous persons agree to take part, or whether they are merely the subtext for homosexual bonding events, or to raise money for charitable cases.
And Finally, Sister Ruth is to be placed on a 6 month probation, and not permitted to enter the boat slip.
All this to say, there really is not rest for the weary or the wicked for that matter.
Location: 79th Street Boat Basin, New York, United States
Merlot is a boxed wine authority, dividing his time between reviewing, and reporting on the industry, and helping producers understand the unique marketing and promotional requirements of the category. Merlot aids those contemplating creating new boxed wine products, and offers helpful information about the technical aspects such as bags, boxes, taps and filling equipment.
