Hail fellows, well met, greetings, salutations and thank you for attending this study in Merlot, a chronicle of man's passion for excellence, and a compendium of the finest epicurean pursuits in the history of history. As Oscar Wilde observed: "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." As I hope you shall see in these studies, Merlot is certainly not "most people" in Wilde's sense.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Merlot's ongoing good fortune...
Good fortune comes our way again with this proffer from Dr Williams:
Personal message from Transaction 1 Billlion Dollars: Dear Friend.
Let me introduce you to s transaction of $1 Billion Dollars The transaction is guarantee and secured from the office of Late President Umaru Musa Yaradua . It needs to be carried out under strong confidential and Petroleum mutual trust. Association of European Petroleum Oil Trade Brokers actually take measures to gain possession of The European Oil Trade funds, instructing them to write checks to inappropriate parties, wiring funds from their account or transferring their stocks into other brokerage accounts. This was done to the tune of $40000000.00 Dollars Then. A creating bogus account statements was realised after 3 Years, crossing stock positions between European stock ,Market Firm which latter declared the firm declared Bad Market after accepting cash incentives from Euro stock market in the past years. for placing “hot issue” IPO stock into their accounts. Here is the deal. This stock has generated a turnover of $1 Billion Dollars. President Umaru Musa Yaradua th e originator of the stock is dead. I need you to help get this bond from the European stock market, liquidate it into cash and get it transferred in your account. This will take a maximum of 4 working days. Payment will be administered from Citibank London or New York depending on our instruction for payment.
Tonight, we'll be hosting a blind boxed wine tasting in Long Island City at the VFW near the bridges. Dr. Wu has promised to drive, and remain sober for the night, while Dr. Emily is making finger foods out of several days scraps from area restaurants.
We'll be gathering video feedback from attendees, many of whom stay in an area Men's shelter. We'll be reporting our findings hereafter.
As it turns, my trusted assistant, Dr. Wu's is something of a leopard who has been baring his spots for the past year, and yet he's also something of a bear to deal with on the subject of shutting down his new and varied business interests, which range from spam email operations offering penis pills, gambling, vitamins, pornography, and oddly enough an online kidney exchange. So successful is Dr. Wu's operation that he's made us an offer to buy out our Boxed Wine Consulting Service, boat slip and all.
He's holding firm in his newly discovered lines of business. Wu's background as a former Wall Street "quant" and computer modeling expert makes him almost too well suited to pluck the low hanging fruits of web based virtual business world. Curiously, another habit of which the Dr. has also re acquired is lubricating his love for Gin, and past 6pm, he's impossible to talk with. Dr. Emily is the only person with whom he cares to speak, and to make matters worse, he periodically asks her: "may I touch your tits". Dr. Emily for her part, is not amused by our Research Coordinator errant, if you will.
I suppose we should count ourselves lucky he has no taste for boxed wines, which means our stockpile of free samples from our clients has remained safe, at least from Dr. Wu. However, our Riverside Park employees are another storied mess. After their shifts, collecting empty wine bottles from NY's finer restaurants, each has grown accustomed to drinking some of the profits, if you will, from our stored Boxed Wine supply, which Dr. Wu had guarded so well, before his foray into his not nefarious businesses.
Apparently, Dr. Wu has also run afoul of most of our remaining staff for his efforts to monopolize the affections of all of the "working girls" who've been enlisted to operate an "in call" service on the boat. The Dr., it turns out becomes quite the lover when under the influence of drink, and many of the girls, and many of their supporting staff have been put off by his propensity to "eat the profits" if you will. Moreover, his love on onions, garlic, ginger and curry makes this a particularly unpleasant experience for the "service providers" who've entertained his proffers. It's a fine mess, a social networking disaster of the first order.
At this rate, I'm afraid it will take a great effort to rekindle our foot hold as New York's premier Box Wine consulting firm.
Our South American Sabbatical was a halogen time for myself and the small support staff I assembled to root out the market potentials for grapes of our Southern neighbors. Argentinian wines offer gigantic potential profits for our Box wine producing sponsors, and it took very little research to establish baselines and economies of scale for them.
Nevertheless, we did miss much of the excitement of seeing America's first president to have African heritage elected to lead us out of the perceived decline that is fueling a massive boom in the Boxed wine markets around the world. Let's wish him luck, even as we enjoy consumer's shifting priorities and increased appreciation for what grapes and boxes have to offer, if you will.
Dr. Emily and a select few marketing research and community organizers made the trip with the kind support of several of the industry's leading producers of Box wines and spirits who took advantage of our unparalleled success developing new products. Unfortunately, what we left in our wake has turned sour in our absence, including out boat slip at the 79th Street Boat Basin. It appears several of our trusted staff regained the taste for the grape, in spite of their diagnosed alcoholism and sober living for several years.
Perhaps the free samples sent from our sponsors were a temptation too great to dash upon the rip rock along the West side drive; or maybe it was in the course of cleanup after the excessive party schedule established to raise money to pay slip fees. I suppose some combination of economics and character failings are at root. Nevertheless, we've had to make some changes at the boat basin, if you will. And the probationary period will not be ending anytime soon, however hard it will be for research and support staff to separate their habits from their new found, or "rediscovered" ideals.
Our first major change upon return was to re establish the nightly Alcoholic Anonymous meetings on the deck (weather permitting), and making them a prerequisite of any and all staff members who choose to remain in our employ.
Secondly, we've ended the use of the boat slip as a nesting ground for "erotic service providers" associates of the staff, offering "in calls", using Craigslist.
Thirdly, we have banned all fireworks, bon fires, and firearm sales.
Fourth, the boat can not longer be rented out for use as a studio for erotic film makers, or as a place for "investors" in such activities meet and discuss their business opportunities.
Sixth, all futons have been removed and carried to The Riverside Park for disposal, which should help to eliminate the bed bug problem.
Seventh, the hard drive of the desktop was cleaned of all "unrelated business", including but no limited to use as a Spam server for penis enhancement pills, gambling, pornography, and as an Kidney exchange bidding site. Our trusted assistant has reverted to his unique, if corrupt skill set that brought him to our doorstep so many years ago.
Eighth, bear knuckle fighting and amateur boxing matches are banned, no matter what famous persons agree to take part, or whether they are merely the subtext for homosexual bonding events, or to raise money for charitable cases.
And Finally, Sister Ruth is to be placed on a 6 month probation, and not permitted to enter the boat slip.
All this to say, there really is not rest for the weary or the wicked for that matter.
Spring has come like high tide, following low tide at the 79th Street Boat Basin, with empty bottles and cans, floating to shore with the other refuse that any city the scope and scale of New York would render where similarily situated. What city wouldn't yield so rich a variety of afterbirth with each new morning, in the aftermath of what new dramas preformed and songs sung?
And so we return, boats upon the current, bobbing back into our past, and future grants for the study of Boxed Wine consumption patterns, new product development, trials and tribulations, if you will.
Your email address have won you a total sum of £500,000.00 GBP (i.e Five Hundred Thousand United Kingdom Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file REF:YAHOO6/315116127/27 This is from a total cash prize of US$20,400,000.00 shared amongst the seventeen international winners in this category in the YAHOO FINANCIAL PROMOTIONS. To file for your claims you are to contact him with the following informations: Full name,Address,Age,Sex,Occupation and your Country, Name: Mr Paul Willliams E-mail: agentpaulwilliams1@yahoo.dk Tel:(+44) 7031915195,(+44) 7031907340 CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your Sincerely, Mrs. Amelia Hunts Online Promotions Manager Uk Administrative Unit Your email address have won you a total sum of £500,000.00 GBP (i.e Five Hundred Thousand United Kingdom Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file REF:YAHOO6/315116127/27 This is from a total cash prize of US$20,400,000.00 shared amongst the seventeen international winners in this category in the YAHOO FINANCIAL PROMOTIONS. To file for your claims you are to contact him with the following informations: Full name,Address,Age,Sex,Occupation and your Country, Name: Mr Paul Willliams E-mail: agentpaulwilliams1@yahoo.dk Tel:(+44) 7031915195,(+44) 7031907340 CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your Sincerely, Mrs. Amelia Hunts Online Promotions Manager Uk Administrative Unit .AOLWebSuite .AOLPicturesFullSizeLink { height: 1px; width: 1px; overflow: hidden; }
This should keep our continued research at the 79th Street Bait Basin afloat, if you will. Recently, we've seen at massive upswing in premium bottled wines in Manhattan trash pails, which is a little disappointing, given our efforts to bouy boxed wine sales here. However, all is not lost. More and more big retailers are starting to carry boxed wines at reasonable rates.
The staff has done will this past winter, conducting research in major southern cities and parts of Latin America, including the islands. We had boat trouble, and there was an episode with sister Ruth's purchasing of controlled substances in Miami, but apart from that, it was a productive quarter, allowing us to raise record amounts of funding from our backers, boxed wine producers in places with massive upticks in grape crops, thanks to several major break through in biotech with respect to fertilizers... more to follow.
Yesterday, we were offered massive, CEO level wealth for making a simple phone call. Our new friend wrote us, as follows:
DEAR FRIEND,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY HOPE OK, PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME TO RECEIVE THIS FUND 30 MILLION GREAT BRITISH POUNDS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IS RISK FREE AND LEGAL.
I WAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY FOR MORE DETAILS. HERE IS MY CELL PHONE NUMBER +234-8035-80-2472, YOU CAN CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY IF YOU WONT MIND.
THANKS
DR CHARLES V. JAMES.
HEADERS>>> Received: from web19 ([68.168.75.45]) by mta9.adelphia.net (InterMail vM.6.01.05.02 201-2131-123-102-20050715) with ESMTP id <20070118110558.PSKT20139.mta9.adelphia.net@web19>; Thu, 18 Jan 2007 06:05:58 -0500 Message-ID: <25221442.1169118358742.JavaMail.root@web19> Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2007 3:05:58 -0800 From: "DR CHARLES V. JAMES" Reply-To: charlesjames0009@yahoo.com.hk Subject: 30 MILLION POUNDS TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME.
Location: 79th Street Boat Basin, New York, United States
Merlot is a boxed wine authority, dividing his time between reviewing, and reporting on the industry, and helping producers understand the unique marketing and promotional requirements of the category. Merlot aids those contemplating creating new boxed wine products, and offers helpful information about the technical aspects such as bags, boxes, taps and filling equipment.
